Wife 'going to be in the wedding' - 3 y.o. daughter 'flower girl' Yeah, I suspect this is not a hill to die on. I think they are going, one way or another.

If you don't go, too, instead of enjoying the time, they will dodging the question 'Where's Edmond/Where's your daddy?' Unless you despise the friend (hopefully not the case) I would suggest trying to figure out how best to make it happen affordably and make lemonade from the lemon.

Road trip.

Definitely not worth the cost of flying for an easy car trip. Plus, the airport in NOLA is not terribly close to downtown (it's further west of the city). Additionally, by driving, your wife will be able to load up the car with the overpacking of "stuff" generally associated with weddings, and avoid trying to pack it all into luggage for an airline.

Flying is generally the equivalent of going to Wal-Mart; avoid it if at all possible.

I presume you posted this looking for advice.

If your wife is not able to go for a dear friend because of what you decided on budget, you will pay a dear price somewhere else in your life. I would drive and make it a family vacation.

With he MPGs you get in the Highlander, I'd drive. I agree with the others, this seems like the wrong battle to choose.

Good luck.

There are hills to dig in and fight for in a marriage but I don’t see this as one.

And instead of simply taking the whole burden of figuring out how to pay, involve your wife in the process. Even if she doesn’t work, it can be helpful to show her what it will take to do the trip.

My wife wants to go to one of her friends 2nd marriage weddings. But they are already legally married and this will take place in Mexico for 3 days in November (nowhere nice, just Mexico City). Plus we went to this woman’s first marriage - it was extravagant and a great time, but my rule is if I’ve already been to one of your weddings, you can’t feel bad if I can’t make the 2nd 3rd 4th etc.

As my wife works, I brought up the cost and since it is not easy for me to leave with that little notice due to work, that she’d have to pay for most / all of it.

Funny how the enthusiasm for the trip dried up when she would need to front the large majority of the money and it would take many months of her ‘fun money’ to make it happen.

quote:

Originally posted by RHINOWSO:
I had a friend get married in Maui. It was a great trip (we had about 9 months notice).

Yup. Same here. Lucky for me, I lived on Maui for about a year and a half so I knew of some hidden gems. We had 6 couples who DIDNT want to pop for 7 nights at the Ritz in Kapalua, so we stayed a the condos adjacent for around $140/nt. This fit everyones budget and was a huge hit.

Nowadays, everyone is married and or has kids, so theres ZERO chance we'd ever get them together for a destination wedding. Some things are worth the stretch.

Maid of Honor? Bridesmaid? I would start saving for it now.

Life is short. In 5 years the memories will be worth more than the money.

Summer in NOLA

No thank you.

And I would not let a wife n daughter near that shithole without my armed attention. Carry to the festivities too!

A few years ago my wife and I were invited to a very very close friends wedding.
She decided to have it at an all inclusive resort in the Bahamas. We live in Florida.
The cost to get to the airport,fly to the island,3 days at the resort and fly home was over $3000.00 dollars. We could afford it but did not want to spend that kind of money for a three day trip.
My wife and I both decided it was to much money.
We politely declined and sent a very nice gift.
Our friend understood.
We love our friend very much but there were other personal reasons why we did not want to go.
This is a decision you and your wife have to make to keep each other happy.
Depending on your wife and her friends relationship is it going to hurt it or will her friend understand your concerns about cost.
A lot of people are saying you should go but if it is going to hurt you badly financially I say don't go.
If your wife's friend is a good friend she should understand.
There is a lot that can happen between now and next summer, finances could get better or hopefully not worse.
Tell her as we get closer to next summer we will reevaluate the situation and decide then.

You have a year to prepare. It is important enough to your wife that she wants to make the sacrifice. Make that sacrifice and go one further. Go with her. This is a small concession that will, or should, render good will and reciprocation from your wife. Even at our poorest, if we knew a year in advance, we could skrimp enough to make this happen. I'm sure you can too. Hey, it could yield a new coveted grail gun with her approval some time down the road......or even forgiveness of a gun transgression from before.

i'd say screw it but that's me on a one of my "good" days.

people are so full of themselves...assuming so much of others.

take 'em off the Christmas card list too.

or invite them to come out for a "special" post wedding party, just for your family and the new couple...when they decline, THEN take them off the Christmas card list.

bob

Check out flights out of Sanford. Last time I flew to New Orleans it was much cheaper via Sanford airport vice MCO.

We just got back from a wedding in Colorado. Hotel was $300 a night, tickets were $300 each... I feel your pain.

quote:

Originally posted by Edmond:

I told her I hope the couple don't get surprised if a lot of people don't show up. Not everyone wants to and/or can afford to travel for something like a wedding.

I mean, if you want people to show up, wouldn't you hold the wedding at the place where you and most of your guests live?

I had a very similar situation with my girlfriend. Her cousin wanted to get married in Hawaii, even though the couple and nearly everyone on their guest list lived in in Kentucky. Then the bride (the cousin) gets upset when she finds out less than a third of the people invited would actually be going. Like it was inconceivable to her that not everyone can, or would want to, spend hundreds or thousands of dollars to attend her wedding.

But IF this is really important to your wife I encourage you to make the financial sacrifice. It will probably save you a lot of grief later.

quote:

Originally posted by Sr_Bull:
Road trip.

Definitely not worth the cost of flying for an easy car trip. Plus, the airport in NOLA is not terribly close to downtown (it's further west of the city). Additionally, by driving, your wife will be able to load up the car with the overpacking of "stuff" generally associated with weddings, and avoid trying to pack it all into luggage for an airline.

Flying is generally the equivalent of going to Wal-Mart; avoid it if at all possible.

I agree with this. If you drive it would basically cost you nothing to go over their costs and you might enjoy it.

All you have to pay for is a little gas, maybe $100, hotel and some food. I think you could get by for less than $500 if you want to.

Wife and daughter in the wedding? Budget now...as other have said, you can plan now--this is not where you make a stand. Don't make this a contentious issue.

Tell me it's happening next week or next month (or two months) and I agree with you.

Next year? not so much

Edmond,
What or how much are you willing to do without becoming resentful, now or later? Or boasting - see what I did for you. Settle this within yourself first.
Lots of good advice already posted. Many times groups of people get together and rent a condo or house for a week that runs less than 3 nites at a motel for each. Add a few days and you have a family vacation that has a wedding stop in it.

Most importantly this lifts the total financial responsibility for having to make the trip from your wife's shoulders.

Make a post here and get all kinds of good places to stop along the way next summer.

quote:

Originally posted by Edmond:
Plus the cost of renting a dress this would go well over $1,000.

Most bridesmaids buy their own dress; I've done it myself a couple of times. There are rental bridesmaid dresses, but I don't know of any bride that has gone that route. Unless your wife knows the dresses will be rentals, I would expect that she will need to buy dresses for herself and your daughter.

As others have suggested, she has almost a year to save up money. And I'd forget flying--I'd rather drive a bridesmaid dress from FL to LA than trust an airline with it.

I'd second the road trip idea. It isn't ideal but I'd would not fly if it is that close. It's a 9 hour drive. If you don't want to go to the wedding, check out local gun shops and the French Quarters while they are there.

quote:

Originally posted by 911Boss:
Well, they could go Greyhound for about $150 each round trip.

Flight, hotel, transportation. Rental car may not be necessary. Uber is cheap.

They would be eating at home as well wouldn’t they? I don’t recall my 3-year olds costing that much to feed.


Instead of looking at is as a $1000 “favor” look at it as a $1500 vacation for your wife and daughter. Yes, $1500 don’t pressure them to stick to being as cheap as possible. Along with the wedding I am sure there are one or twelve other things they could come up with to do in the Big Easy.

9-10 months out, put away $150/mo and it is covered. They will have a great time on a get away weekend and you will have banked bonus points for use when you want something your wife is luke warm over.

My guess is your wife can come up with a few examples of you spending $1000 - $1500 that she disagreed with.

I agree that this is the way to view it. Your wife will be looking at this as a fun trip, not a favor for a friend.

But yeah, New Orleans in the summer is hot and humid. Hot and humid. Really hot and humid.

That said, I do resent destination weddings. I've skipped at least one.