Ok, here goes. I need a laugh. I'm sure we all do. I have been feeling stressed, and worried. Maybe a touch of mild depression.

Worried about money, and Friday I found a small water leak, no big deal but today I go out to get into my car and find a bigger water leak and it's going to be a little more to fix it, not money wise but time and effort. I go to my friends house to help her dad with something and we go to 3 places to get what I need to do the job to fix my water leak. We had a bad storm and on the way home I almost had a wreck because it was foggy, and a large tree branch was over a guardrail and in the dark and fog I didn't see it until I was on it and hitting the breaks and steering away from it hard not to hit it made the car lose traction for a bit and it got a little spicy there for a second! I get home about 10:30 PM and the storm has knocked out the power. Neighbors said it had been off for about an hour and a half before then. I walked over to the Post Office and my water bill is there. It's $147.34! I might be able to get most of that waived, but I can't count on that. The last time they wouldn't.

So. Make me laugh. Post jokes, memes, pictures, short stories. Bible verse. It can be anything that is acceptable on this forum! Clean, adult and political humor, words of encouragement. it all fair game.


ARman

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver takes one look at them and says, "That's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!" The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her, "The driver just insulted me!" The man says, "There's no call for that. You go right up there and tell him off. Go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you."

Well, you could also smell...

My day...
Link

The old farts gathered at the local country store every Saturday to visit and swap the news of the week. No matter how bad the news was old Joe always had only one reply. “It could be worse”. Then one day one of the regulars didn’t show up because his wife had caught him with another woman and she shot and killed him! Well, out comes “It could be worse” from Joe. The others were dumbfounded… Joe, how in the world could it be worse? Our friend is DEAD! Well, says Joe… it could have been ME!!!

Old joe was fooling around with one of the regulars? To each his own

My favorite 4th grade bad joke.

“What do you call a lesbian dinosaur?.......
A LICKOLOTAPUSS.”

Don’t forget to tip your wait staff.

What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet?

Supplies!

This is probably one of my favorites,,,

An 86 year-old man is out fishing. He was sitting in his boat when he heard a voice say,

"Pick me up!"

He looked around and did not see any one. He thought he was dreaming until he heard the voice again.

"Pick me up." The old man looked in the water and there, floating on a lilly pad was a frog.

The man said, "Are you talking to me?"

The frog replied, "Yes, I'm talking to you. Pick me up. Then, kiss me and I'll turn into the most beautiful woman you have ever seen. I'll make sure that all your friends are envious and jealous because you will have me as your bride."

The man looked at the frog for a minute in confusion, reached over, picked it up carefully, and placed it in his front pocket.

The frog screamed, "What, are you nuts? Didn't you hear what I said?? I said kiss me and I will be your beautiful bride!"

He opened his pocket, looked at the frog and said,

"Nah, at my age I'd rather have a talking frog."

A man was sitting on a blanket at the beach. He had no arms and no legs.

Three women, from England, Scotland and Ireland, were walking past and felt sorry for the poor man.

The English woman said 'Have you ever had a hug?' The man said 'No' so she gave him a hug and walked on.

The Scottish woman said, 'Have you ever had a kiss?' The man said, 'No,' so she gave him a kiss and walked on.

The Irish woman came to him and said, 'ave ya ever been fooked lad?'

The man broke into a big smile and said, no.

She said, 'Aye - Ya will be when the tide comes in.'

Well I got a pretty good laugh yesterday when I saw that Robert DeNiro is having big money issues. Between his divorce and WUFLU devestating a number of his business holdings. Made my day.

How about a nice clean music video?

This is Colt Clark and the Quarantine Kids. Colt is a professional musician, his wife is the photographer, and the 3 kids are just so precious as well as talented, the oldest appears to be no more than 10 years old to me. The oldest boy ususally plays bass guitar, the other boy plays the drums and a few other things. The girl is so just precious, she introduces the song and turns and says Hit It Boys, and at the end she comes up to the camera, waves and says Bye.

During the quarantine time recently, they decided to make videos to pass the time. They have quite a few videos up, check out some others. Enjoy.




Link to original video: https://youtu.be/wzTV4ULIb_M
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What's the difference between a chickpea and a lentil?


I've never paid $400 to have a lentil on my face!

A man had worked most of his life but his hard work had ended up costing him his wife, family and health along the way. His doctor told him to take time off. He cashed in his investments and bought a farm in the Australian outback.

He worked his farm diligently. His health and outlook began to change for the better.

After nine months, while he was out tending his farm one day, a big fella, wearing a big hat, and riding a big horse came strolling up.

“G’day mate,” he bellowed.

The man stared dumbfounded for a moment. “I-I’ve been here for nine months and haven’t seen a soul. Where did you come from?”

“I’m yer neighbor!” he replied. “I was jest riding around and saw ya workin’.”

“I’m pleased to meet you,” he said as he shook the big man’s hand.

“I am having me a party over yonder at my place. Would ya like to come?” said the big guy.

“Oh, I don’t know…..” he muttered.

“We’re gonna have some drinkin’.”

“I haven’t had a good drink in a long time” said the man.

“We’re gonna have some fightin’.”

“I used to be pretty good in my old days” said the man.

“We’re gonna have some lovin’.”

“Really? I could use some of that. It’s been a long while” said the man. “Oh, by the way, what should I wear?

“No worries, mate,” said the big fella, wearing a big hat, and riding a big horse. “It’s just you and me.”

Some good stuff here.....LoL


ARman

A driver was stuck in a traffic jam on the highway outside Washington, DC. Nothing was moving. Suddenly, a man knocks on the window. The driver rolls down the window and asks - What's going on?

Terrorists have kidnapped Congress, and they're asking for a $100 million dollar ransom. Otherwise they are going to douse them all in gasoline and set them on fire. We are going from car to car, collecting donations.

How much is everyone giving, on average?

Roughly a gallon.

Since this seems to be helping, one of my favorites.

One day a horse and a hen are playing in a field. The horse gets stuck in a puddle of mud, and starts to sink. The hen is frantically searching for anything to help her friend, so she decides to go back to the barn. There, she grabs the keys to the farmer’s Mercedes and drives to where the horse is stuck. She throws a rope around the horse’s neck, and slams on the accelerator, saving the horse from sinking in the puddle.

A few days go by and they are playing in the field again. This time, the hen gets stuck.

Hen: “Help, go get the car like I did for you and help me out!”

The horse, realizing there isn’t much time since the hen is much smaller than he, stretches out over the length of the puddle.

Horse: Reach up and grab hold of my ‘dick’.

The hen obliges, and the horse starts to stand straight up to pull his friend out of the puddle.

The moral of this story is: You don’t need a Mercedes to get chicks, you just need a big dick.

This should put a smile on your face.




Link to original video: https://youtu.be/LAQBv9Twrhc

I saw myself in the mirror, and decided it was time for improvement. I joined a gym, and on my first trip, thought I'd try the stair master. I tripped, and fell down the blasted thing for twenty minutes before someone pulled the plug. Now I'm too sore to go to the gym...