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Ducatista
Picture of rainman64
posted
Forum Grammar Nazi's I need your help.

While I am taking care of my mother, I decided to prepare a website for my coffee.

It is not really live, as I am not home and can not fill orders, but can you take a look at my website and read the text?

I have caught five or six errors and corrected those, but I need a new set of eye's on it.

Please have a look.
Also suggestions are welcome...

https://wildbillsgunpowdercoffee.com/


___________________
"He who is without oil, shall throw the first rod"
Compressions 9.5:1
 
Posts: 5029 | Location: Dallas, TX | Registered: April 14, 2008Reply With QuoteReport This Post
thin skin can't win
Picture of Georgeair
posted Hide Post
quote:
awful, as an engineer, I thought I could do better.

Don't believe you want that second apostrophe comma .

quote:
with dark chocolate, tart

Not grammer, but looks like you've got an extra space after dark.

quote:
fulled bodied and chocolaty cup

Not sure you drop the e in chocolate, but it's not a real word anyway, so..... Same with the Dixie blend.

If I could offer one last suggestion, I'd reshoot the two pics on your patio table in a cleaner location with maybe a little better lighting. Out of the whole set, it's the only thing that might make folks feel like it's being done in your backyard in less than ideal conditions. Heck, you could throw a neutral tablecloth over the table and change the whole look in the same location.

I've got a SIL running a fairly successful blog and she attributes much of her success to connecting with her readers (which I think you've done a good job of setting up) and really improving her photo skills, both technically and settings/background/etc.



You only have integrity once. - imprezaguy02

 
Posts: 12448 | Location: Madison, MS | Registered: December 10, 2007Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Lost
Picture of kkina
posted Hide Post
Nice website overall!

Caught this: "...over-priced,and just plain awful...". Just needs a space before the and.



ACCU-STRUT FOR MINI-14
"First, Eyes."
 
Posts: 16396 | Location: SF Bay Area | Registered: December 11, 2003Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Member
posted Hide Post
I like it and find nothing to suggest changing. It reads nice and friendly...with a conversational tone.
Wishing the best for you in this venture.



You've got to know what to do when you don't know what to do.
 
Posts: 364 | Location: SML-VA | Registered: November 29, 2013Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Lost
Picture of kkina
posted Hide Post
Actually not sure about this one: And my wife told me, "Hey Honey? You really should...." I'm wondering if the 4th period should come after the quotation mark.



ACCU-STRUT FOR MINI-14
"First, Eyes."
 
Posts: 16396 | Location: SF Bay Area | Registered: December 11, 2003Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Member
posted Hide Post
Not necessarily wrong, but the sentences in "How I got started" are really long and lots of commas. Maybe break up the sentences a bit?
 
Posts: 8962 | Location: The Red part of Minnesota | Registered: October 06, 2002Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Freethinker
Picture of sigfreund
posted Hide Post
quote:
Originally posted by Georgeair:
quote:
awful, as an engineer, I thought I could do better.

Don't believe you want that second apostrophe.


Comma—?

None of the apostrophes in the original post above should be used where they were, but they are not part of the site, so perhaps that doesn't matter.




6.4/93.6
 
Posts: 47419 | Location: 10,150 Feet Above Sea Level in Colorado | Registered: April 04, 2002Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Freethinker
Picture of sigfreund
posted Hide Post
quote:
Originally posted by kkina:
Actually not sure about this one: And my wife told me, "Hey Honey? You really should...." I'm wondering if the 4th period should come after the quotation mark.


That might be common British usage. Here the period should be inside the quotation marks.




6.4/93.6
 
Posts: 47419 | Location: 10,150 Feet Above Sea Level in Colorado | Registered: April 04, 2002Reply With QuoteReport This Post
thin skin can't win
Picture of Georgeair
posted Hide Post
quote:
Originally posted by sigfreund:
quote:
Originally posted by Georgeair:
quote:
awful, as an engineer, I thought I could do better.

Don't believe you want that second apostrophe.


Commma—?

None of the apostrophes in the original post above are used correctly, but they are not part of the site, so ....

Sweet jeebus - yes comma. See - shouldn't listen to me!



You only have integrity once. - imprezaguy02

 
Posts: 12448 | Location: Madison, MS | Registered: December 10, 2007Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Member
Picture of RichardC
posted Hide Post
quote:
Originally posted by rainman64:
Forum Grammar Nazi's Nazis, I need your help.

While I am taking care of my mother, I decided to prepare a website for my coffee.

It is not really live, as I am not home and can not fill orders, but can you take a look at my website and read the text?

I have caught five or six errors and corrected those, but I need a new set of eye's eyes on it.


Hey, I'm happy to help. Smile


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Blessed be the Lord, my Rock
 
Posts: 15911 | Location: Florida | Registered: June 23, 2003Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Freethinker
Picture of sigfreund
posted Hide Post
quote:
Originally posted by sigfreund:

Commma—?


And I can't spell, either. Big Grin




6.4/93.6
 
Posts: 47419 | Location: 10,150 Feet Above Sea Level in Colorado | Registered: April 04, 2002Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Lost
Picture of kkina
posted Hide Post
quote:
A bright, rich and balanced single origin drinker, with dark chocolate, tart cherry, and bright citrus notes, very good body.


Looks like an extra space between dark and chocolate (hidden by the return; self-correcting on this forum, though).

Also, the last comma is sort of like a comma splice, though not a complete sentence. Maybe try:

quote:
A bright, rich and balanced single origin drinker, with dark chocolate, tart cherry, and bright citrus notes. Very good body.



ACCU-STRUT FOR MINI-14
"First, Eyes."
 
Posts: 16396 | Location: SF Bay Area | Registered: December 11, 2003Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Ducatista
Picture of rainman64
posted Hide Post
Thanks guys, this is why I come here, is I know you will catch it!
LOL

I will start on it now


___________________
"He who is without oil, shall throw the first rod"
Compressions 9.5:1
 
Posts: 5029 | Location: Dallas, TX | Registered: April 14, 2008Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Member
Picture of sig sailor
posted Hide Post
And my wife told me, Hey Honey?
If she told you then it is not question, if she asked you then it is a question. I think! Smile
Rod


"Do not approach a bull from the front, a horse from the rear, or a fool from any direction." John Deacon, Author

I asked myself if I was crazy, and we all said no.
 
Posts: 1697 | Location: Between Rock & Hard Place (Pontiac & Detroit) | Registered: December 22, 2010Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Victim of Life's
Circumstances
Picture of doublesharp
posted Hide Post
http://deareditor.com/2010/07/...y-dots-for-ellipses/

Ellipses are just tiny blots of ink, I know, but bobbling them distracts editors and who wants that? Here’s the skinny:

Use THREE dots, tapping your space bar before and after each one, to indicate an omission within a sentence, to join sentence fragments, or to indicate an intentional trailing off of a complete sentence. Hence:

“It’s too bad this snooze inducer isn’t a hilarious comedy.” becomes “It’s . . . a hilarious comedy.”
“The dog skidded around the corner, spun wildly in circles, then crashed into a pile of clothes.” becomes “The dog skidded . . . spun wildly . . . then crashed into a pile of clothes.”
“If I had my way . . . ,” he mumbled.
Use FOUR dots, with the first dot smashed up against the letter preceding it, when a complete sentence precedes your ellipses: “My choice was agonizing. . . . Yes. I’d do it. I’d do it!”


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God spelled backwards is dog
 
Posts: 4701 | Location: Sunnyside of Louisville | Registered: July 04, 2007Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Ducatista
Picture of rainman64
posted Hide Post
Okay, I think up to my last posy all are corrected.
I broke up some of the run-ons with periods.

And as far as the pictures...LOL

I am at my moms'
So for now I only have access to my FacePlant pics, not my Nikon.

They will change.

And in April when I deliver my coffee to Saxon and Judas Priest, I will have new ones....


___________________
"He who is without oil, shall throw the first rod"
Compressions 9.5:1
 
Posts: 5029 | Location: Dallas, TX | Registered: April 14, 2008Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Ducatista
Picture of rainman64
posted Hide Post
Corrected the said to asked, that makes more sense.


___________________
"He who is without oil, shall throw the first rod"
Compressions 9.5:1
 
Posts: 5029 | Location: Dallas, TX | Registered: April 14, 2008Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Lost
Picture of kkina
posted Hide Post
quote:
A nice fulled bodied and chocolaty cup of coffee.


Should probably read, "full-bodied".



ACCU-STRUT FOR MINI-14
"First, Eyes."
 
Posts: 16396 | Location: SF Bay Area | Registered: December 11, 2003Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Ducatista
Picture of rainman64
posted Hide Post
quote:
Originally posted by kkina:
quote:
A nice fulled bodied and chocolaty cup of coffee.


Should probably read, "full-bodied".


Thank you, corrected


___________________
"He who is without oil, shall throw the first rod"
Compressions 9.5:1
 
Posts: 5029 | Location: Dallas, TX | Registered: April 14, 2008Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Lost
Picture of kkina
posted Hide Post
"Earthyness" should be "earthiness".



ACCU-STRUT FOR MINI-14
"First, Eyes."
 
Posts: 16396 | Location: SF Bay Area | Registered: December 11, 2003Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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