Why does this have to be so fucking hard? I'm only being asked to change the way I think, and change my parenting style I grew up with, and used for the last 30 years. She's demanding the use of another name, and pronouns. Which is galling to me since we named her after my mother. My middle son is gay. Questioned him extensively and I'm satisfied he is hard-wired and created that way. I understand and have a wonderful relationship with him. This I don't understand at all.

The problem is with my youngest dare I say, daughter. I'm no longer allowed to refer to her that way. Under penalty of she doesn't feel safe under my roof anymore, and won't come home. Trust me under my roof is the safest place on Earth. She's a college student now. She's bought in hook, line, and sinker, that she's a victim. I can only hope she grows out of this as she gets older, but I'm not hopeful at this time. My redline is I will always be against cutting away healthy flesh, and on that, I will never waver.

I love all my kids. She's been in counseling and is now seeing a psychiatrist. I understand this group is at a higher risk of suicide. Definitely want to avoid that. Maybe I need the services of a talk doctor.

So, for the sake of (her), and my marriage I'm going to knuckle under and shut the fuck up.

You are one small stick in the way of a flash flood! The group is bombarded with that constantly, all day long.

I’m sorry that you have to deal with this, Goose. Twenty-one years in and so-far-so-good with my twin boys, but I’m not naive enough to think that couldn’t change on a dime.

I wish you the best of success as you attempt to navigate this with your daughter.

It must be tough to have to compromise on your principles and accept what you and everyone knows is wrong.
So sorry to hear this.

So sorry to hear this. The world is weaponizing technology to drive an ideological wedge between our children and us. Hang in there. All you can do is weaponize your love back at her. Whatever path she chooses is her choice to make.

There is no navigation to be done, but to love and accept,.. and perhaps if you must, to let her know you're doing it because you love her, not because you believe it.

Personally I would also note that "I believe" the woke agenda is just that, an agenda. And that the over-drive push to infuse it into everything from light beer to media, to corporate strategy, is undeniably coordinated and designed to destroy the family.

So it goes. This battle is lost for now. But you're not out of ammo. Just keep on firing with your patience and love. What else is there to do?, and what else even matters in the end?

Homeschooling your children is the only sane way of parenting anymore. That and keeping them away from internet and other fucked up children.

I’m here to tell you that whatever you do, don’t damage your relationship with her. Some of my sons have strayed from the principles they were taught as children and young men. In my resistance to these other principles and hoping to avoid the consequences natural to living that life, I damaged those relationships. Relationships are the enduring feature. Choices and behaviors change with maturity and refinement. If the relationship is damaged, you will not be part of that in the event of a return to the straight and narrow path. To the contrary, a damaged relationship could prevent that refinement. Brother, I did that to my everlasting regret.

Your daughter statistically will regret a transition. You wannt to be there with an intact relationship to help her back to happiness. Trust me when I say, you could literally save her life in that day. Whatever is coming in the meantime will be hard to watch. You will have to find a way to hold your principles as true while not damaging your relationship and understand there will be pieces to clean up. You have to let her touch the stove. As a father, that has been the hardest task. Counsel lovingly and respectfully. Allow her to choose. Show your love. Help her pick up the pieces and be grateful for her survival.

Save the relationship at all cost.

What darthfuster said!
Rod

Completely agree with darthfuster here. My son has a friend that is transitioning at a VERY tender age, and I’m agonizing over the future repercussions. It’s not my place, so I’ve only said that I’m concerned and henceforth had to really monitor the relationship..if only to minimize the damage to my own child - who has fiercely indicated he is heterosexual (who knows, at this point, right, puberty has barely started). That being said, this is your child. And really, nothing more needs to be said beyond that.

The part of getting old that no one ever told me about or explained to me is all of the jumping through the hoops.

Weather it's with family with services or codes or any aspect of daily life,

If I put my feet on the floor after a good night's sleep,
I just can plan on jumping through one dam hoop or another .

Guy I grew up with who has a teenage son, I found out that he now has decided to become a she and has already attempted suicide several times including jumping off their home’s roof.

We live in such a broken world and I don’t envy what you are dealing with. If you ask me, this is the real virus that seems to be spreading not Covid

I was completely unprepared for the level that she wrapped me around her little finger growing up. I was raised with two older brothers, and my first two were boys. So, I had no experience with raising girls. Thanks to all for your kind and encouraging words.

What is the psychiatrist doing? Younger psychiatrists typically only do medication management. They are not trained to do psychotherapy unless they are older and have the training.

I'm not sure. I think its a student service provided by the University. I'm not aware of a bill we are getting, but I usually don't skate on the ice that belongs to the Minister of Finance.

Might even be a counselor in training. Most large Universities have Counseling Centers with a sliding fee scale.

Sorry you are dealing with this. A cousin of mine is going through the same thing with one of his daughters. Always acted and dressed more like a male child.
Anyway, goes off to college and quickly comes back wanting to be recognized as a male. Associates with a core group of 4 similar individuals.
The kicker, according to him, is that they are all also rabid feminist and basically hate men. (I have a hard time getting my head around that logic).

Goose, I’m sorry you’re having to deal with this. I agree with Darthfuster, and his words are so accurate. I put myself in your shoes and I question if I could be as strong as you, to “knuckle down and STFU”.
Our daughter had a “spiritual awakening” and she said she “opened her third eye”. I was fortunate that she didn’t try to pound it into me. I did say what I had to say. I do regret a lot of what I said. Fortunately I didn’t say too much and it was one conversation. The words I used were hurtful and unforgettable. I was certain she was a lost cause. The shit she would say was outrageous and fucking insane. She lived her life by tarot cards. She would use tarot cards to make serious, important, life changing decisions.
One day she mentioned that she had been going to church. I almost fell over. She said that her spiritual awakening was just the devil in disguise. She has forgiven me for what I had said and while she now agrees with the things I said, she still says my delivery was very harsh and hurtful.
I wish you the best of luck and I pray your situation turns out for the best.

Given the age of your child, you didn’t have much chance, compared to those of us with young kids, to really see this danger coming. As someone else alluded to, the majority of the danger here is found in the education system… it has snuck in over the last 10ish years, perhaps, and your child was a front line victim. It’s a travesty. College and ‘mental health pros’ likely only supported the attack, as that seems to be the norm.

Prayers for you, and her, my friend.

For those of us with young kids, get them out of the school system. Now. If a therapist must be used, they must be selected with extreme prejudice. If college is in the future, that also must be selected with extreme prejudice.

This is a hard thing to bear.

One thing, that hopefully helps others, is steadily reminding our kids that college isn't real.

Of course the dorms are, the classes, etc., but it's not a "real" place in any sense of the word. It was designed to insulate students so they could concentrate on their studies, but it's gotten so far away from that principle that it's laughable.

It still insulates, but it insulates you from outside opinions, hurtful words, and real-world consequences of your actions.

The student is living "on their own" but are they really? How many are paying their own tuition? How many are paying for their own rent and food? The problem with college life is that it gives a lot of the freedoms and independence of living alone and making adult choices without any of the consequences for those choices. And to make matters worse, you're surrounded by hundreds of other people in similar circumstances, making big boy or girl decisions without any danger of big boy or girl consequences.

I am so sorry, and there’s really nothing else I can add to that. I don’t pray much anymore, but I will make an exception and pray that God helps you and your daughter come through all this with the best possible outcome.