Green lizards?

My own dumb statement is one I made. Back in college, my Chem E class visited the Diamond Crystal salt plant in Michigan, and they served lunch to us while we were there. While salting my salad the shaker delivered more than I expected and I said "when it rains, it pours!!". The entire table came silent and everyone looked at me.

flashguy

There's plenty I can think of, but this one's on me.

Back in the day, I used to play the credit card game, transferring balances from one card to a new one to take advantage of zero interest offers. So, I jumped on an offer from Discover of 0% for 12 months.

About 3 months in, I get a letter from Discover letting me know that they adjusted the term of the 0% offer. I got on the phone with them and raised hell. I told the Discover rep that we had a "contract" and if they didn't honor it, I would complain to every state and federal agency I could think of.

After patiently listening to my rant, the nice lady says "Well, sir, most people were happy that we extended the term to 18 months, but if you're really determined to keep it at 12 months, I'll see what I can do for you."

Yeah, that was a pretty humbling experience.

Two things come to mine. One is a radio ad for a local realty firm, " we know Richmond because we live in Richmond." Do they really think I'm going to hire a realtor in Atlanta?
The other was the sweet young waitress, who when I asked for a 16 oz draft, replied, "We only have pints. Will that be OK?"

Two different kids in high school --

"My dad died at Pearl Harbor". The kid was born in the 50's.

Another kid -- "I found out why you hear people talk about using Vaseline to jack off. I spilled some on my dick and it felt real good".

quote:

Originally posted by NK402:
Two things come to mine. One is a radio ad for a local realty firm, " we know Richmond because we live in Richmond." Do they really think I'm going to hire a realtor in Atlanta?
The other was the sweet young waitress, who when I asked for a 16 oz draft, replied, "We only have pints. Will that be OK?"

No way to know the state of mind of the sweet young waitress, but her reply makes sense to me ... under the circumstances.

Some bars and restaurants may sell a "Pint" (note quotation marks) with as few as 12oz. For example, there was a Michigan law proposed (don't know if it passed), to require bars and restaurants selling beer "Pints", to ensure they were 16oz. On the other hand, an Imperial Pint (like English measure) ='s 19.2 U.S. ounces.

So either way (in Virginia), you may not be getting 16oz as requested and you "could sue" if you hadn't gotten what you ordered.

... okay, maybe I'm overthinking it D'OH

My first Texas LTC class in the early 90s we had completed the classroom portion and we would be traveling via personal vehicles to a outdoor range a few miles away. The instructor told us that he wanted everyone to keep their firearms in cases until we got to the tables near the firing line. One guy raised his hand and says "I don't have a case for my pistol (small 380) can I carry it in my pocket"? The instructor asked "is it empty"? The guy says "what, my pocket"? Several of us looked at each other like Damn!

"These ain't my pants, dey my cusin' pants"

Sounds just as dumb in Spanish.



Got homie cuffed to the wall; "yeah, I shot at him, like AT him, I didn't wanna HIT him."

(Dead dude had 8 out of 10 rounds in him)

Related by marriage. Woman I have seen grow up. Is now a college professor (as I was at one time). I don’t hold her profession against her, but mention it to qualify that she probably isn’t stupid. From her lips -

“All white people are racist”.

Boggled the mind. Thought later I should have asked her “So, when did you teach your kids to be racist?”

When people tell me they are Flyers fans.

quote:

Originally posted by Chris42:
Related by marriage. Woman I have seen grow up. Is now a college professor (as I was at one time). I don’t hold her profession against her, but mention it to qualify that she probably isn’t stupid. From her lips -

“All white people are racist”. . .

At my college prof training, I was taught that all white males are racist, even if they don't intend to be, and even if they don't know it.

Paid a speeding ticket at 16 that should have got me a visit to Juvenile Court, sop for tickets at that time issued to anyone under 17 in Michigan. Apparently the Justice of the Peace in that city never send it to the court. They contacted me and said "just pay it" so I did. Twenty five dollars in 1968.

Fast forward three or four months later, got another ticket. This one was handled correctly, Juvy Court sent me a notice to appear with a parent. So we went. Referee heard my story, I admitted it and explained my side of the story, defective equipment. So while I'm talking to the referee he looked my record over and asked "Why didn't you come to court here over this ticket in Orchard Lake last summer?" So I explained how and what happened. He said that If I had come before him he would have waived the three points I received but it was too late now to do anything about that. And he said that the JP was in error, they should have referred the case to Juvenile Court. And as a P.S., he said that I should go back and get my fine refunded as they could not fine a juvenile for traffic violations. Also had his clerk type up a letter to that fact to give to them.

As that city offices were on my way home I stopped there to see about getting my money back. The two ladies in the office were totally lost as was the JP on what to do and how to refund my fine which I had the receipt for. One of them looked at me and said "Would you like to leave the fine here in case you get another ticket here?"

"No thanks, I would rather have my money!" was the reply from me.

Every time there’s a disaster somewhere some reporter always asks some witness to the awful event: “Have you ever seen anything like this before?” I remember a reporter asking this to people on the street in NY the day of the 911 attack. What kind of an answer is expected? “Oh hell yes, planes fly into these buildings all the time!”

Or “Oh yeah, we have mid air collisions here all the time! We’ve all gotten real good at dodging falling wreckage.”

“Oh yeah, gas leaks blow up houses all the time in this town. That’s why people go outside to smoke!”

Journalism IQ requirements sure are low.

This message has been edited. Last edited by: maxdog,

Working at a grocery store in high school: "Excuse me, would you tell me where I can find the tepid water? I see distilled, spring, but not tepid..."

Me, to my son's crusty old pediatrician after he gave me my son's diagnosis: "Is it contagious?" Doctor, with all the patience he could muster, "How do you think he got it?"

Quite a few years ago, while riding a motorcycle, I was rear ended at a traffic intersection. I didn't fall off the bike (BMW) and it was busted up pretty bad.

Driver of the offending car was Hispanic female who scooted away, probably back to Mexico.

EMT showed up and first question was: "Were you wearing a helmet".

I replied: "Yeah, that's probably what caused the crash".

He didn't say another word to me.

Real simple; anything a democrat says is dumb!

“I’m getting the Covid vaccine.”

we will give discounts on our projects but we will make up for it in volume to still meet our goal

First, I might mention that 75% of my ancestry comes from the UK, not trying to demean such. I hope to go there to visit the regions of my family tree.

Some years ago a US gov't auditor, but very British, doing the annual cost incurred audit on our contracts, commented to me "you yanks are bloody ungrateful to us Brits for saving your "backsides" in WWII. You would have lost that war if it weren't for us".

And then flying from DFW to SFO, got upgraded to first class, sat next to a name brand fellow in the London symphony/opera industry. He showed me his scrapbook of himself with the various world personalities in his circle. He then told me I was lucky I lived in San Francisco (actually I was an hour south of there), because "America is an uncivilized nation. Manhattan and parts of San Francisco are the only places in the US with a proper culture".

"you can't teach old dogs new tricks"

Bullshit.

quote:

Originally posted by HuskySig:
“I’m getting the Covid vaccine.”

That may seem stupid to you, but to those of us octagenarians it is not. I had my first shot 2 days ago.

flashguy