Any pro tips on Divorce lawyers? Need to start making some call tomorrow. At a loss of what to expect.

What is a fair hourly rate?
What questions to ask?
How much should I expect to put down for a retainer?


Thanks!

Check your email.

Do a Tony Soprano. Schedule 15 minutes with all the good lawyers in town. Pick the best for yourself. That way she is restricted to lawyers you have not consulted.
Word of mouth is best.

I don’t know anything about divorce lawyers, but I’m sorry you need to consult one.

Hourly depends on your location.

Start with what you should expect from the process like how long it will take and how ugly it might get. That impacts your cost. Decide if mediation might be a path you can take. Like how mad are either of you and how petty? Are you willing to spend thousands of dollars arguing over hundreds of dollars worth of stuff? Do you need to win every issue or are you willing to take a little less to get away faster and cheaper?

Are kids involved? Custody wants and needs. Paying for their activities and stuff. Vacations, holidays, travel, etc.

What do the finances look like? Retirement accounts, property, businesses, etc? How much support might you be ordered to pay or be paid? Is a lump sum payout possible? How are joint accounts handled during the divorce? The mortgage has to be paid but one of you is likely living elsewhere. What about credit and bank accounts? How are personal expenses handled during the process? Her hair and nails on your dime?

Do you need to worry about a restraining order attempt if she gets mad? How to handle your guns. You may think she won't go down that road and she might not be the type but other voices will get into her head. A relative, a bitter divorced friend, a shady lawyer looking for your pain points, etc.

These are just things you've probably thought about at least a little. Write down your questions before seeing a lawyer. Ask the questions and write down the answers. Don't rely on remembering everything. This is stressful.

There's a school of thought where you go on the offensive and poison the well of local counsel by having consults with the five or 10 best divorce lawyers in your area so they can't represent her. They know the game and often charge their hourly for the consult so it gets expensive.

A family member got served in February. They're at least $20k in right now. Kids, multiple properties, investments, etc. Most of the grief is around the custody and that they're paying two mortgages but living in a studio.

Hang in there.

@ZSMICHAEL
The guy asked for real support.

"Conflicting out" and his spouse and attorney can prove it, may go very badly for the OP, especially if it goes to a hearing in the presence of a judge.

And here is some of that as you posted the suggestion in the forever and a day, interwebz.

His first step would be to contact the best attorney for himself and ask that attorney if his playing Soprano, is a smart move.

I had to help un-fuck a few of my troops that listened to latrine lawyers and did things that they were told were cool tricks.

quote:

Originally posted by Beancooker:
I don’t know anything about divorce lawyers, but I’m sorry you need to consult one.

Exact words I was going to say. I am sorry you are going through this.

Look for a lawyer or law firm who ONLY represents MEN in divorce cases.
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quote:

Originally posted by OKCGene:
Look for a lawyer or law firm who ONLY represents MEN in divorce cases.
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? This seems fraught with problems in itself…
But I don’t know any better.

OP, I’m very sorry that you are in this situation, and I genuinely hope the forum is able to help. Best of luck.

How much will it cost? How much do you have?

Why is it so expensive? Maybe it will be worth it.

More seriously: Now is the time to get good legal advice from a competent attorney in your state. Not the time to go bargain shopping. An hour of solid and competent legal advice now will prepare you to make good decisions that will affect you for many years to come.

quote:

Originally posted by StorminNormin:

quote:

Originally posted by Beancooker:
I don’t know anything about divorce lawyers, but I’m sorry you need to consult one.

Exact words I was going to say. I am sorry you are going through this.

another that is sorry you have to deal with this,

Sorry man. When I was going thru it, I went to the courthouse and asked the bailiff-if you were getting divorced, who would you want to represent you. This was before I was a cop and the guy said he couldn’t recommend anyone. I said BS, who’s the best one in town. He relented and I found one that managed to save me from being raked over the coals even though the system is set up for women to win.

I didn’t get custody of my kid, but I knew that since I was in the service I probably wasn’t going to get him. On a side note a judge told me unless she was caught doing cocaine, I wouldn’t get him-cheating on her part wasn’t enough to get custody.

First thing is get 1/2 of the money and open your own checking account. Ask around and try to find the meanest, most ruthless SOB in the business. Take at least $1000-$1500 for a retainer. Do exactly what your attorney says. Divorce is war at first. You are going to be a lost ball in tall grass if you’ve never done it before. No one can explain it to you. What you are going to experience is like death, except the two dead people are still walking around. There is no closure. For every seven years you were married it takes one year to get over it. Having had a divorce I understand what you’re going through. If you can find a good Divorce Care group, attend. It’ll help.

I’ve got nothing except I’m sorry you have need of one.

I think this may not be where you want to go with the cheapest option.

In Washington, the very best divorce lawyer will get you the same as no lawyer, 1/2 the assets and half of the liabilities. Unless you or your partner is unfit, custody of the children will be the same. You could try to hide assets and fudge valuations, but that would be dishonest. If you need to split the sheets then split the sheets, pony up and move on. You can always make more money, buy new shit, and even get a new love interest. Or not. If it is legal in your state you might try a mediator if your partner is reasonable. Better (cheaper) to negotiate in good faith than fight tooth and nail to end up in the same boat. But again, internet legal advice is worth what you paid for it so good luck.

Having been dealing with this recently (also the reason why I haven’t visited SF in many months) I can share a few things.

Hourly rate - I’m sure it’s all over the board but here it’s $350/hour for the lawyer, $175/hour for the legal assistant, both billed in 6 min increments (1/10 of an hour).

Questions to ask - I don’t have a lot to add here other than to say I’ve been very happy with the fact that my lawyer is very frank and doesn’t sugar coat things. She’s told me flat out I was wrong on things and called me out when I needed a reality check. That has been invaluable as she’s able to keep any emotion on my part out of it.

Retainer - Again I’m sure it depends, but I’d expected about 10x the hourly rate to get started.

I’m sorry you’re dealing with this, but know that a good lawyer will make things much easier and will be able to help keep emotions at bay and from clouding decisions.

Just know it gets better, even thought it’s hard to see that right now.

If you want to talk with someone who’s about 6 months ahead of you please free to reach out.

OP
Sorry to hear about needing a Divorce Lawyer. I have read the advice and knowledge about lawyers and nothing to add to that.
I would like to tell you that getting a divorce sucks, but it is not the end of the world.
3 tips that i wish i would have done in mine.
Think with the head on your shoulders not the little one or your heart. and listen to your lawyer.

I'm sorry for what you're going through. I'd also first see if she is reasonable and willing to go through a mediator. I did, agreed to everything she asked for, and probably saved a fortune.

OP, I can't help with attorney advice.

I'll share, though, the advice a good friend gave me: "Stay busy. Stay. Busy. Walk the dog, clean the kitchen, dust the house, ride your bike, tend the yard. Just stay busy, and pray."

quote:

Originally posted by OKCGene:
Look for a lawyer or law firm who ONLY represents MEN in divorce cases.
.
.

No. Don't do this. It doesn't matter. There are lawyers who market this way, but it is a pure marketing ploy.

Ask around in your area. Get some feel from former clients.

Cost will vary from $300 to $600 an hour in bigger cities. Retainers depend on factors you haven't described, but basically varying with complexity. Think $3,000 to $10,000.