Sorry you're in this boat. Btdt, and yes it is better on the other side.

1) Follow your attorney's advice.
2) Stay off of social media!
3) Clean up your social media today! Take down anything that could in any way be spun negatively. Ideally, put your accounts on pause so that nobody can see them.
4) Nearly every divorce gets settled out of court. Nearly none go to the judge. So try to come to a settlement sooner rather than fight it out to the bitter end.
5) Don't give away the farm! There was a time early on for me when I would have walked away from everything just to be done with her. You deserve a fair outcome!
6) I suggest shooting for a settlement with no future obligations. If there are no kids involved especially! No alimony, no waiting for one of you to sell the house years in the future. Make your best guess at current values (equity in the house, value of investments, etc).
7) The clock starts when you file papers for whatever cooling-off period your state requires. So file as soon as you can, but be sure it is accurate. Any modifications can become big delays. Double-triple check the documents (math, spellings, valuations, completeness) before filing. My ex filed and "accidentally" added an extra zero to the value of my townhome!
8) The main questions to ask the attorneys you interview are what your rights and obligations are, how the process works, how long it typically takes in your situation, and how local judges tend to go in your situation.
9) Ask people you know for lawyer recommendations.
10) Seek a highly qualified mediator.
11) A fair outcome means you will both be equally screwed! Have your absolute must-haves, but then realize everything else is negotiable and, probably, not really all that important.

Good luck!

Thank you everyone. I’ve made an appointment this week based on some local recommendations. I’ll take all the advice into consideration.

Sorry your going through this. Everyone knows a guy or a friend knows a guy who got their ass handed to them in the divorce. Find out which attorney that guys ex-wife used.

I work with a guy who had to buy a life insurance policy on himself and his ex-wife is the beneficiary. I would hire that attorney.

I went through it 2 years ago, actually went fairly well. I gave her 5 years to figure it out, she was unable. The last was out of the house, I filed not long afterwards.

It’s easier without kids under 18, but you can’t always control that. It’s best to minimize fighting through attorneys, I’m not saying to capitulate. There are formulas in many States dealing with years of marriage, any W-2 disparities, etc.. I feel it’s best not fighting to much over things you can’t change. Of course if unrealistic requests, gotta do what you gotta do.

Then you have assets & retirement $$ $ plans, can get complicated.

My legal feels were under $6k. She took the assets I listed & gave the sheet to her attorney. Yes, I visited a few, she got x’ed out.

There is a little prep one can do before filing, closing accounts, reducing CC limits, similar. Once one files, you get locked in, for the most part.

As to the other side, right today I’m with a lady that’s almost off the charts. I’m trying to decide what to do, trying to tell her I’m to old for her. There are 2 others, I think I figured out who is longer-term #1.

I dove in, saw no reason to slow things down, Dec 2 filing to early June final.

@ZSMICHAEL
The guy asked for real support.

"Conflicting out" and his spouse and attorney can prove it, may go very badly for the OP, especially if it goes to a hearing in the presence of a judge.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
It was meant to be tongue in cheek.

quote:

Originally posted by J387:
Any pro tips on Divorce lawyers? Need to start making some call tomorrow. At a loss of what to expect.

What is a fair hourly rate?
What questions to ask?
How much should I expect to put down for a retainer?


Thanks!

If you are located in Georgia, I would suggest getting an attorney outside of the venue you live in. This greatly decreases the chances in getting caught in the good old boy system which is used to drain you both financially and mentally.

If and when you do find an attorney, make sure he/she doesn't have any conflict of interests such as one of their spouses working for the other counsels family taking care of and old one and such...

I would expect to pay around $5,000 as a retainer and then you will get itemized statements monthly (where you get to pay some more until your divorce is finalized).

Like one poster said earlier, talk to the bigger/best firms all over so you can quash them representing your spouse.

Mine was around $50K and took three years to resolve...It was worth every damn cent! I landed on my feet taboot...

Try to have the whole thing finished when it is signed off by the judge. By that I mean all the checks are written, the accounts transferred, the home retitled or sold, etc.

As sourdough said, it can get complicated, but I am very happy that I didn't sweat the accounting to the penny, and when we were done it was done.

I know people who had an arrangement that the wife would stay in the house for a few years (usually because of school age kids), and then within X years it would be sold and he would get his share cashed out. The problem with this is the value of the house could go way up and she would get the profits, or it could go down and he feels like he got screwed with the loss. Or she doesn't take care of the house and then stalls on selling it.

Same kind of issues with retirement accounts, or even alimony. And who knows what tax changes will happen, or future living situations.

I was willing to give up cash in the settlement to avoid alimony, though the judge saw fit not to award alimony.

For me and my divorced friends of both sexes, being done and done was more valuable in the long run than having things linger for years.

I also did a ‘settlement’, no ongoing payments of support. I also knew my pay was soon to increase.

Again, always much more complex with minor children.

quote:

Originally posted by Fly-Sig:
Try to have the whole thing finished when it is signed off by the judge. By that I mean all the checks are written, the accounts transferred, the home retitled or sold, etc.

As sourdough said, it can get complicated, but I am very happy that I didn't sweat the accounting to the penny, and when we were done it was done.

I know people who had an arrangement that the wife would stay in the house for a few years (usually because of school age kids), and then within X years it would be sold and he would get his share cashed out. The problem with this is the value of the house could go way up and she would get the profits, or it could go down and he feels like he got screwed with the loss. Or she doesn't take care of the house and then stalls on selling it.

Same kind of issues with retirement accounts, or even alimony. And who knows what tax changes will happen, or future living situations.

I was willing to give up cash in the settlement to avoid alimony, though the judge saw fit not to award alimony.

For me and my divorced friends of both sexes, being done and done was more valuable in the long run than having things linger for years.

I always strive to create as few future obligations as possible. Child support is one that is hard to avoid. We don't do much alimony in Texas, so that isn't often a problem. Traditional pensions often have to be divided in the future, but there are ways around that.

I do criminal law, however restraing orders and domestic charges cross into the divorce realm. A good divorce attorney in Boston is 500 to 950 an hour, my colleagues on that side of the courthouse look for 10k retainer. Georgia may be less.

the difference between a good lawyer and a great lawyer? A good lawyer knows the law. A great lawyer knows the judge.

The reason divorces are expensive is because they are worth it.

Lots of great advice here, I’m very appreciative for all the folks who posted and reached out. The initial retainer ran me 5k. Looking forward to moving the process along and hopefully reaching an agreement here in early 2025.

quote:

Originally posted by ZSMICHAEL:
@ZSMICHAEL
The guy asked for real support.

"Conflicting out" and his spouse and attorney can prove it, may go very badly for the OP, especially if it goes to a hearing in the presence of a judge.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
It was meant to be tongue in cheek.

What would a Court do/be able to do in this situation? I've never experienced a judge going down this avenue but have also never seen it brought up. I can't imagine there is much they could do except for perhaps assess some of the conflicted spouses attorney's fees against the spouse that conflicted out everyone. Possibly a deviation from the equitable distribution? I really don't think many judges would go down this path of investigation and proving it occurred would be difficult, assuming the spouse wasn't dumb enough to admit they did it out of malice.

quote:

4) Nearly every divorce gets settled out of court. Nearly none go to the judge. So try to come to a settlement sooner rather than fight it out to the bitter end.

Yep, you can schedule all the court dates you want but they will never happen, the judge will always find a way to delay your hearing, you'll pay fees to your attorney, lose a days work, and nothing will be heard.

It's the judges way of telling you both to get your act together and come to an agreement, my step daughter went through this in KY, hearing after hearing, her ex was difficult, dragging things out until he ran out of daddy's money to fight.

Eventually they settled and the judge signed off, never ever getting a hearing.

Good luck, and don't be a donkey fighting over turnips, no matter how the process goes, figure out what you'll take to get out, and get it done.

quote:

Yep, you can schedule all the court dates you want but they will never happen, the judge will always find a way to delay your hearing, you'll pay fees to your attorney, lose a days work, and nothing will be heard

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
I have been impressed with the general lack of caring when it comes to domestic matters. Locally Judges are willing to let cases drag on which in many cases harm the child.