"The designer of the gun had clearly not been instructed to beat about the bush. 'Make it evil,' he'd been told. 'Make it totally clear that this gun has a right end and a wrong end. Make it totally clear to anyone standing at the wrong end that things are going badly for them. If that means sticking all sort of spikes and prongs and blackened bits all over it then so be it. This is not a gun for hanging over the fireplace or sticking in the umbrella stand, it is a gun for going out and making people miserable with." -Douglas Adams
“It is just as difficult and dangerous to try to free a people that wants to remain servile as it is to try to enslave a people that wants to remain free." -Niccolo Machiavelli
The trouble with fighting for human freedom is that one spends most of one's time defending scoundrels. For it is against scoundrels that oppressive laws are first aimed, and oppression must be stopped at the beginning if it is to be stopped at all. -Mencken
May 30, 2019, 04:55 AM
the_sandman_454
I don't get all the responses saying basically be a dick about it and put additional intense scents around. For some people, certain scents can lead to headaches and other issues.
Not to mention deliberately messing with this person could land you in hot water when HR hears how she asked you about not using this scent / product, but instead, you chose to escalate by bringing in more of the offending scent in on purpose.
Why not just jointly talk to either HR or whomever arranges the workspace and have one or the other of you move further away.
It seems to be an easy enough thing to deal with, and it doesn't seem as though the person is trying to be a jerk to you.
------------- $
May 30, 2019, 05:45 AM
thumperfbc
I’m in the camp that you should go to HR together, explain the issue and the attempted solutions, and ask the company to assist by finding new desk areas for one of you and/or asking them to purchase an air purifier for her work space.
No reason for anyone to get bent out of shape.This message has been edited. Last edited by: thumperfbc,
May 30, 2019, 06:21 AM
Woodman
Maybe the woman can bring in some clothes for you to wear (your size / look / style) and see how that goes. Worse case scenario, your co-worker supplies your wardrobe and you change on arrival and departure. Your own office would be nice too. Even if you're never there.
I stopped frequenting a decent restaurant because of the cleaner they spray on tables. The solvent was probably the irritant but I didn't get a chemical breakdown. Only that it came from the vendor and was undiluted into spray bottles. And 20 years ago at class one gal's perfume was unbearable. Real nose-stinging stuff.
So I can understand, to a degree. I use unscented everything and disturb a few ladies for my sparing use of deodorant.
May 30, 2019, 06:36 AM
taco68
I have worked in and around respiratory therapy for 20+ years. We cannot wear anything that has heavy fragrances. There are some people out there that have asthma that can be triggered by odors. Perfume/cologne are big ones.
Sigs P-220, P-226 9mm, & P-230SL (CCW)
May 30, 2019, 08:38 AM
Leemur
My sister has had bad reactions to strong perfumes/colognes since she had and aneurysm. When she was teaching a little boy got ahold of his dad’s cologne and bathed in it before school. By the time my sister walked from the back of the classroom to the hallway to get away she’d nearly passed out. The principle had to drag/carry her outside for fresh air and she had a migraine so bad that she had to be driven home. It messed her up for a couple days. My sister is no wilting little flower. This shit is real. It doesn’t trigger migraines but some of the Christmas displays with strong cinnamon and other fake spice scents in stores make me gag and cause my throat to swell.
May 30, 2019, 08:48 AM
sigarms229
I don’t agree with adding additional scents to aggravate her but I wouldn’t change my fabric softener either. The issue is hers, not yours. People saying you need to change your lifestyle to suit others are basically siding with liberal logic that we need to adapt to other people’s issues or needs. No effing way.
If it becomes an HR issue, tell HR that you need the fabric softener due to chaffing.
Sometimes, you gotta roll the hard six
May 30, 2019, 08:54 AM
Beancooker
quote:
Originally posted by benny6: I personally think she needs her own office with an air purifier. I'll have a friendly chat with HR tomorrow. I'm willing to be moved as well since me being at my cube is a rarity. If I'm at my cube regularly, business is not going well.
We've been doing laundry like this for years and this is the first complaint from anyone ever. But I have a feeling I won't be the last person she has this encounter with.
Thanks guys.
Tony.
Let us know how this works out. I’m curious.
quote:
Originally posted by sigmonkey: I'd fly to Turks and Caicos with live ammo falling out of my pockets before getting within spitting distance of NJ with a firearm.
May 30, 2019, 09:05 AM
muzzleloader
People can be overly sensitive to chemicals (not the odor). I think your situation is kinda like sexual harassment, if she believes it is so then it is so. My wife uses perfume and dye free detergent and softener because of her own skin reactions. Of course, if you make one change for her, there will be something else. then something else and onward. HR should just get her her own space. I'd probably re-heat some fish in the office just for fun
"The days are stacked against what we think we are." Jim Harrison
May 30, 2019, 09:08 AM
Sig209
quote:
Originally posted by Scurvy:
quote:
Originally posted by ZSMICHAEL: It is clearly not harassment from what you have said. Workplaces are required to make accomodations for disabilities of various types. Although unusual, this appears to be legit. Before going to HR, is it possible for you to move to another location, or to switch places with someone else? Perfumes for some people are as toxic as cigarette smoke, although in this case it appears to be strong odors. There is absolutely nothing to be gained by being difficult or obstructionistic.
This.
No point in making a mountain out a molehill. Without a medical diagnosis, she can't claim any real disability or special accommodation so you should be fine HW wise.
She is still a co-worker and there is an understanding that everyone goes along to get along. I wouldn't bend over backwards to help her but so far I don't think any of her requests have been out of line (other than switching fabric softeners). Moving a hoodie isn't a huge ask. If she wants to get a fan, that's on her.
She should be talking to a doctor and to HR about getting her work desk moved.
agree
we are all so programmed these days to flex up 'this is my sandbox!!'
fight the real battles -- not the inconsequential ones
plus - I have been successful at work by MAKING ALLIES. 360 degrees. Never know when one small kind / understanding act can come back around in your favor ... (and vice versa)
--------------------------------
Proverbs 27:17 - As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.
May 30, 2019, 09:26 AM
ensigmatic
I'd try to accommodate her. Some people are exceedingly sensitive, even allergic, to some scents. My wife, who has asthma, is one of them.
Besides: There's a possibility she's right: The fumes given off by that softener may well be toxic. There's something in it, or several somethings, that result in that scent, and we damn well know it's not unheard-of for manufacturers to be more interested in sales than public safety.
"America is at that awkward stage. It's too late to work within the system,,,, but too early to shoot the bastards." -- Claire Wolfe "If we let things terrify us, life will not be worth living." -- Seneca the Younger, Roman Stoic philosopher
May 30, 2019, 09:35 AM
jimmy123x
I find this situation odd. If the lady puts a sweater up to her nose and sniffs it, it's really weird. My mom is allergic to some scents and she would never do that, from 2' away she'd start sneezing if the sweater was the issue.
Perhaps the best course of action would be to go directly to HR, tell them the situation and ask them how best to handle it. Perhaps the lady is a problem, and just finds reasons to create a problem. But if you go to HR first, and do what they recommend, you're covering your six.
May 30, 2019, 09:41 AM
Eponym
Try masking the scent with Hoppe's No. 9 cologne. (Page 3? I'm surprised no one suggested this yet.)
But seriously, I think discussing the situation with HR is a good idea, for all the reasons mentioned.
May 30, 2019, 10:00 AM
Rev. A. J. Forsyth
Talk to HR as others have said. Play the system the way it was intended to be played. Although I absolutely loathe HR, they have their uses.
Side note, Fabric softener is basically a layer of grease / oil on your clothes. It's pretty nasty stuff with the benefit of making towels less absorbent. I personally hate the smell and feel of it. After years of fighting with my wife over its use, I just do my own laundry now.
May 30, 2019, 10:37 AM
gpbst3
Is offering to laser her nostrils off an option?
May 30, 2019, 10:39 AM
joel9507
quote:
Originally posted by egregore:
quote:
Today she asked me if I'd be willing to switch to non-scented detergent and fabric softener and I said no, my wife will not do that.
What would it hurt to try that for, say, a week? If she continues to complain, or starts complaining about something else, you can say you did all you could.
This.
The unscented do the same thing as the scented. And it'll be a good test for whether there is something else going on.
May 30, 2019, 10:57 AM
229DAK
quote:
Originally posted by Scurvy: Without a medical diagnosis, she can't claim any real disability or special accommodation so you should be fine HW wise.
^^^ This.
quote:
Originally posted by Scurvy: She is still a co-worker and there is an understanding that everyone goes along to get along.
^^^ This.
quote:
Originally posted by Scurvy: SHE should be talking to a doctor and to HR about getting her work desk moved.
^^^ And especially this.
_________________________________________________________________________ “A man’s treatment of a dog is no indication of the man’s nature, but his treatment of a cat is. It is the crucial test. None but the humane treat a cat well.” -- Mark Twain, 1902
May 30, 2019, 11:24 AM
benny6
I talked to my manager this morning. We looked at open cube maps and I'm probably going to move to a cube that has more privacy much farther away from her. I won't even have to involve HR.
go sit somewhere else, its that easy , I can smell fabric softener and tide , 30 feet away.
this will be an issue forever,
let your boss know and you can sit at another desk,
this happens all the time in confined areas, its not a big deal, don't make it one
Safety, Situational Awareness and proficiency.
Neck Ties, Hats and ammo brass, Never ,ever touch'em w/o asking first
May 30, 2019, 11:56 AM
ZSMICHAEL
Good to hear. If you can avoid HR it is usually best as they are not trained as psychologists and some are really quite horrible at conflict resolution.
