I build high tech laser based machines at my day job. I'm rarely at my desk and I'm usually in a lab building a test machine, alpha, or beta machine.

Lately, all my projects have been completed or cancelled. We got bought out by another company and there's been restructuring and I'm not forecast to have another project until maybe another week or two.

So for the past two months I've been at my desk more and there's a lady in her late 50's, early 60's that sits on the other side of the cube. A few weeks ago she asks me if I use fabric softener in my clothes. I say, of course my wife does. She admits to having a hyper-sensitive nose and she can smell the toxic fumes from my fabric softener. At one point she actually shoved her nose into my sweater to see if that was where the smell was coming from (I was not wearing it at the time).

She's actually altered her work schedule so she comes to work mostly when I'm getting ready to leave work.

I left a hoodie hanging on a hook that shares the wall with us and she asked me to hang it on the farther wall. I can tell she feels embarrassed to have to ask, but she does ask and is trying to be friendly about it. She had to complain to management to get herself moved farther away from the bathrooms to where she is now. At some point I suggested to her that if its that bad she might request her own personal office.

Today she asked me if I'd be willing to switch to non-scented detergent and fabric softener and I said no, my wife will not do that. I said not to worry and that work will pick up for me soon enough and I'll be back to being gone. She's been at the desk for over a year but since I've been to my desk recently, it's now become a problem.

Today she suggested maybe we can get a fan to blow the smell away.

And to be clear, it's not BO she's complaining about. She's convinced that the smell of fabric softener is toxic and bad for her and my health. Yes, she is a gentle looking artsy type. But she is polite and I'm trying to be polite back.

My wife is saying that's harassment but I don't think it is. It's more amusing but still annoying. I know she's not trying to offend me and she's admitting she has the problem of having a hypersensitive nose and she jokes that she should have worked for the FBI doing crime scene work.

My friends say its not the fabric softener. They say its my toxic masculinity that she's really smelling.

How would you guys handle it?

Tony.

Limburger cheese sandwich for lunch. The fabric softener will cease to be an issue.

I'd talk to HR if you have it in the company, and explain that you are not offended, nor do you consider it harassment, but that you don't want to cause a problem, and are asking them for their advice.

Strategically placed dryer sheets around the office.

Is it only you or is no one else close enough to her? Fabric softener is fairly common.

She seems like she is being polite and not an ass about it so I would be inclined to work with her without causing yourself trouble.

1) Lie. Tell her you found some organic hypo allergenic detergent that your wife will use, maybe show her a link and tell her that you started using it.

2) Be amused when she sniffs your sweater and tells you it’s so much better.

It is clearly not harassment from what you have said. Workplaces are required to make accomodations for disabilities of various types. Although unusual, this appears to be legit. Before going to HR, is it possible for you to move to another location, or to switch places with someone else? Perfumes for some people are as toxic as cigarette smoke, although in this case it appears to be strong odors. There is absolutely nothing to be gained by being difficult or obstructionistic.

quote:

Today she asked me if I'd be willing to switch to non-scented detergent and fabric softener and I said no, my wife will not do that.

What would it hurt to try that for, say, a week? If she continues to complain, or starts complaining about something else, you can say you did all you could.

quote:

Originally posted by ArtieS:
I'd talk to HR if you have it in the company, and explain that you are not offended, nor do you consider it harassment, but that you don't want to cause a problem, and are asking them for their advice.

IMO, this is great advice. Everything above board from the get go, no malice, just keeping clear fields of fire.

Not harassment at all IMO. Some people are particularly sensitive to certain odors. Me? I can't be in the same building where hazelnut coffee is being brewed.

Regarding the toxicity of dryer sheets and/or fabric softener, she is correct there. But, as I understand it, it's only if you come into direct contact with it rather than simply smelling the scents.

Either way, I'd work with her and/or HR to resolve the issue.

quote:

Originally posted by ArtieS:
I'd talk to HR if you have it in the company, and explain that you are not offended, nor do you consider it harassment, but that you don't want to cause a problem, and are asking them for their advice.

This is what I would do.

Also perhaps as you suggested maybe HR can do something about getting her in an area that works for her.

I can kinda relate to the fabric softener smell bothering her. Certain smells drive me crazy.

She seems convinced its me since it only started when I started sitting at my cube. Her cube is on the back wall and the person at the desk next to her is also never there. The person next to me is also never there. She's become accustomed to the other people on the other side of the wall.

I asked her if she's sure it wasn't the Japanese lady who wears a gallon of perfume every day and she said no, it wasn't perfume. Fabric softener is the trigger.

She went on with a story about how she went on a Europe trip with her daughter one year and had to do laundry over there and the scent was too strong. She had to leave her suitcase at her daughters house for a year to air out before she could bring it back home.

She asked the guy on the other side of the wall from me (2 cubes from her) if it was him and he wasn't as friendly about it as I was. He got pissed. He heard our whole conversation and he told me he doesn't know how I keep my patience. When we pass each other in the hallway, we just sniff at each other as we pass by.

Tony.

quote:

Originally posted by ZSMICHAEL:
It is clearly not harassment from what you have said. Workplaces are required to make accomodations for disabilities of various types. Although unusual, this appears to be legit. Before going to HR, is it possible for you to move to another location, or to switch places with someone else? Perfumes for some people are as toxic as cigarette smoke, although in this case it appears to be strong odors. There is absolutely nothing to be gained by being difficult or obstructionistic.

This.

No point in making a mountain out a molehill. Without a medical diagnosis, she can't claim any real disability or special accommodation so you should be fine HW wise.

She is still a co-worker and there is an understanding that everyone goes along to get along. I wouldn't bend over backwards to help her but so far I don't think any of her requests have been out of line (other than switching fabric softeners). Moving a hoodie isn't a huge ask. If she wants to get a fan, that's on her.

She should be talking to a doctor and to HR about getting her work desk moved.

Certain smells can trigger migraines in some folks (like me). Really strong perfume, cologne, formeldahyde, etc. will trip it. I like Artie’s approach.
You're not trying to get her in trouble, just trying to come up with a solution. No reason your wife should have to switch fabric softener. Maybe they can move HER cube.

I never complained when a former lady boss of mine dipped herself in a vat of perfume. Of course, it's different when she signs your paychecks.

Why not switch to the unscented fabric softener for her? Is it prohibitively expensive?

quote:

Originally posted by egregore:

quote:

Today she asked me if I'd be willing to switch to non-scented detergent and fabric softener and I said no, my wife will not do that.

What would it hurt to try that for, say, a week? If she continues to complain, or starts complaining about something else, you can say you did all you could.

My wife is Brazilian and won't do it simply out of principle. Brazilian women are clean freaks. Her clothes, house, food, child, dog, and man have to smell good. She's offended that someone finds my smell (well, my clothing smell) offensive.

Tony.

We switched to Ultra Downey Free & Sensitive years ago because of my girlfriend's allergies. It costs the same as all the other scented ones, but not only is my girlfriend non-reactive, I no longer smell like cheap perfume.

Tel your wife to switch. Allergies exist, and the scented fabric softener ones are real. Not only that, but I'll bet that within a very short time, you like the non-scented stuff better, as did I.

What the lady has can be very real. My wife has a diagnosed rare lung disease that makes her hyper sensitive to some odors and one is scented fabric softeners. If the lady has a problem then definitely go to HR and let them sort it out.