Not a restaurant but a wardroom on a navy ship.

It was a rather formal "dining in" evolution with officers in dress blues and their ladies in their finest. The stewards had put on a fantastic meal from the adjoining kitchen.

Then dessert was served which consisted of vanilla ice cream topped with what looked and tasted like creme de mint. Amazed puzzled looks on the diners' faces as they all knew alcohol was forbidden aboard ship but the stuff tasted real taking their breath away.
Found out later that it was ListerMint mouthwash that the kitchen staff had been directed to use with the comment from the LCDR behind the prank that a couple ounces wouldn't give anyone the shits. I still laugh at LCDR Stangl's chutzpah.

Quick one, then I have more later. Was in a local bar and grill with a buddy. Young waitress takes our order. We both ordered drafts and I added, "Don't bring me one of those big ones. They get warm before I finish them. Bring me a 16oz draft." As she turned to leave, she said, "We only have pints. Is that okay?"

I was probably about 12 and we went to a Hibachi restaurant in Central New Jersey. Pretty sure it was called Tokyo.
Well of course the chef was doing all the usual tricks, onion train, flipping shrimp tails into his hat, flipping shrimp for you to catch in your mouth. Well then he got serious he started flipping raw eggs up in the air pretty high and catching them on the spatula without breaking them.
Well being the jackass kid I was said ohh come on that is easy. Sure I was joking but you know how kids are.

He looks at me dead serious in the eyes and in the thickest Asian accent one has ever heard yells “ohh you a think it is so easy? You try!” And holds out the spatula and an egg.

Well, this jackass kid stood up and walked around to the cooking side took the egg and spatula. I flipped that egg way up in the air with every expectation in the world for that egg to break once it it the spatula.
Hot damn if I did not angle that spatula down just right and slowly brought that egg back up balanced on the spatula like a champ.
Not only was I blown away along with everyone else at the table.
That Hibachi chef turned red as could and yelled as loud as he could in that super Asian accent, “THAT’S IT I QUIT!!!!!!!!!”
He then ripped off that Hibachi leather cooking belt that holds all his knives and the like threw it down on the stainless steel cart they roll the food out and threw the hat on the ground and took off.
We sat there for 15 minutes before another chef came out and took our orders and started fresh.
I don’t know if it was part of the show or I really pissed the dude off but guess who now watches and eats in silence anytime they go to a Hibachi grill?

Oh, I forgot this one.

Stopped years ago to eat, fast food place downtown Nashville. Cold weather... A homeless looking guy came in and laid over and went to sleep at a table. The manager couldn't wake him up so he called the cops and paramedics.
They arrive and can't wake the guy either... cop mumbles something to the paramedic about him faking it. Then the paramedic pulls a Bic lighter out, lights it and puts it right under his nose, I mean the tip of the flame touching his nose! Guy didn't even flinch! Cop says OK, not faking, transport.

OK, not funny either... well it was a little bit.

I am a big guy with a good sense of humor. The kids were little and after making sure their hamburgers were as ordered I opened my double to find no meat. The two very bushy tailed young people were eager to find out how else they could help me. I winked at the store manager before showing the two youngsters my empty hamburger buns and asking if this was me being cut off like a drunk at a bar. The remorseful kids were assuring me no as the manager cracked up. I let them off the hook and we all laughed.

Not exactly funny, but memorable.

At Olive Garden (I know, but I like it) and ordered diet soda for the kids. We don’t really let them drink much of any soda but usually we let them get a glass or two when we go out to eat, which isn’t all that often.

The waitress interrupts my wife (now ex) and tells us that she’s studying to be a nurse and that diet soda is really bad for kids. I let my wife handle it at first, and she calmly explains that we are aware of the negatives but it’s a rare treat for the kids. The waitress though didn’t want to let it go. She started up again telling us that kids really should never have any soda at all...

...which is when I got involved. I, very loudly thanked her for her opinion but told her that if she really cared about people’s health she probably should stop working in a place that’s main ingredient is butter and offers $10 all you can eat bowl of greasy microwaved fettuccine.

She took our order and left in tears. The manager quickly appeared and apologized and wanted to comp our meal. I told them I didn’t want free shit but also didn’t want a lecture. We left though because I was concerned about retribution to the food.

quote:

Originally posted by ChicagoSigMan:

I get it. I'm a Texan... Maybe if the name of the place wasn't House of Beef....

I don't remember the House of Beef. Are you thinking of Bud's House of Meat?



.

Two incidents happened with my best friend about 2 years ago, same weekend.

Not long after he arrived on Friday afternoon I knocked off early and we went for a drink and early dinner. We landed at a popular bar that was virtually empty that time of day (4pm). A cute waitress approached and we ordered drinks and he, as always, requested a coffee. She asked if he wanted cream & sugar and he told her just strong and black. I turned and said "just as he likes his men...." That got a smile from her, and the expected flying bird from him. Our conversation continued.

She came back a bit later, delivered our drinks, menus, and upon departing paused and said "oh, and sorry, our black guy is busy in the kitchen right now....".

She got a big tip.



The next day we stopped in a different place for dinner. Although a whiskey/bourbon drinker he occasionally likes a glass of with dinner. When the waitress approached he pointed to the WINE section of the menu and said "What is your White Merlot?"

Without missing a beat this 19-20 year old waitress said, in an annoyed tone, "It's a wine sir...."

All conversation at the table next to us went dead silent, people literally froze right where they were. The look on his face was a mix of "Are you fucking kidding me?" and "You set this up didn't you asshole?" He looked at her and said "Yes, that is what it says RIGHT here" (emphasizing where his finger was still pointed). At which point someone at the next table irrigated their sinuses with their beverage. "What TYPE, label or BRAND is your House Merlot?". She had to go ask. A different, more mature server took care of us from that point on.

Here’s one from the NC-17 file
Me and a buddy were in Vegas around ‘93-94 IIRC

Staying at the Riviera, long since demolished
End up across the street one night around 3am, at a McDonalds

They have a diner style counter, we sit down and in strolls a young lady who sits down beside my buddy

Now, I’m not saying she was a call girl, but she wa la definitely wearing the uniform

She orders, gets up and goes to the bathroom, and comes back s couple minutes later

She sits down and proceeds to pass out
My buddy shakes her to check on her, she rolls over and exposes a needle still stuck in her arm

Manager comes over, calls the police like this is a normal every day scenario

We continued to eat our meal like nothing happened until the ambulance arrived

Vegas baby!

Years ago, when my son was small, we were at a restaurant & I had to use the bathroom. My wife said to take my son along too.

I took him into a stall & he peed, then I used the urinal. He'd never seen a urinal before & seemed really fascinated by it.

We left the restroom & my son went running across the dining area yelling, "Mom, Dad peed in the sink!"

Every year before Christmas I let my beard grow (it's light gray) and wear a red corduroy shirt--it makes me look a lot like Santa Claus. I've had several occasions where small children will come to me (with their mothers) and want to "talk to Santa". When they ask, "Are YOU Santa Clause?" I respond that I'm not the main Santa--he's still at the North Pole getting ready for his Christmas Eve travels; I'm one of his helpers who checks on which kids have been good and bad. I ask them "Have you been good?" Of course they say "Yes" and I look to mom for collaboration. Their eyes are SO BIG when this is going on. Here's my smiling Santa face:
David 2012 as Santa smiling by David Casteel, on Flickr

flashguy

Kind of a restaurant story, sort of.

My mother died back in the 70's. Dad remarried his neighbor about five years later. That was the most ornery, cantankerous woman I have ever been around. At first we would all go out to dinner but that did not last long. She bitched about everything. Of course, the poor waitress took the brunt of her anger so we finally just told dad we would no longer go out to dinner with them.

That marriage was a roller coaster ride like I have never seen. It lasted about ten years and after they finally split for good dad came to visit us here in Missouri. He and I were sitting out on the deck one evening and I looked over at him and asked him what he had learned from his experience, if anything.

He took a sip of his beer, looked at me and said..."never marry a woman who is mean to your waitress." We toasted to that.

Last month we were in northern Florida, stopped at a Chick-fil-a. A large truck just pulled into the drive thru window line, the license plate and the bumper sticker were quite visible, "EAT BEEF". We smiled and went inside, got in line to order lunch.

Then I noticed the person in line behind me was wearing her work outfit from the Longhorn Steakhouse next door.

In a large college town. Having breakfast with my sister.
A waitress takes her order. Then there’s a long, involved discussion on what type of toast sis will have with her order.

Eventually, sister decides on two pieces of dry white toast.

Waitress looks at me and asks me what I want.

I reply “4 whole chickens.”

Waitress doesn’t miss a beat and says “and a Coke.“

I laughed so hard.

She got a good tip.

https://youtu.be/IwCWcH2OnGg

11th grade Spanish class field trip to NYC we went to see a play and were allowed to get lunch “on our own”. Our little group went to Trader Vic’s and this small of stature kid ordered a massive drink with flowers floating in it and multiple straws...he drank the whole thing, quickly, as we were short on time. When it was time to go he got up quickly and promptly fell to the ground!! The drinks were really strong, at least mine was. Nobody even got carded as I recall...circa 1980.

My wife and I went through a Burger King drive through, this was years ago when their burgers still had decent flavor, and we ordered 2 double burger combos.

The voice says; "Sorry sir, but we are all out of burger meat".

My wife and I looked at one another, looked around for a hidden camera, and before I could reply she said; "Is there anything else you would like?"

At least she was friendly.

Not a restaurant per se, but dining related.

Some years ago I returned to SFO from a business trip, was upgraded to first class, sat next to the recently appointed CEO of a name brand firm. He mentioned he had recently visited the firms largest facility. The execs spent the morning taking him on a tour of the place, then they went to a very posh dining hall on the top floor, sat down.

The CEO noted he felt a little out of place, asked about the dress code. The execs told him all men in the dining hall must be in coat and tie - but don't worry, we have a wardrobe closet where you can find something you like that will fit. The CEO asked about any other rules in that dining hall. Yes, only management is allowed to enter here.

The CEO stood up, tapped his spoon on the glass, introduced himself, welcomed all there, then said - effective immediately the only dress code here is to cover what should be covered, also, all employees are welcome to eat here. The CEO then sat down, asked the execs if there were any other rules he should know about. No sir, there are no other rules.

A couple of Albuquerque stories from my EMT days.

The department I volunteered with on weekends did a lot of ground ambulance transfers to the Albuquerque hospitals, at that time Presbyterian, St.Josephs, UNM/NCMC and occasionally to VA. Usually in the middle of the night, "Pres" used to send doctors down to work the weekend shift at our community hospital that was affiliated with them. To say the least and be polite, they wanted quiet when they were down there on weekends.

Early one morning we ran a three man crew for a transfer, two with the patient, I was the driver. After we dropped the patient it was decided to stop for an early breakfast. The assistant chief made the run with us, he chose a restaurant on the west end of Central. So at about three to four A.M. we go in. Usual crowd you would expect to see at that time of morning, quite interesting.Place is also kind of dark, bar/lounge dark. I'm assured the food is good. So we order, I got some sort of a breakfast Enchilada, fried egg on top with red Chile sauce. So far so good. About halfway through it I feel a stab inside my cheek and a sting. Something hard and pointy. GOATHEAD! Yep, one in the Chile sauce. I said something to the waitress, her reply was "It's native Chiles!" Next time we went there I only had coffee.

One Saturday night another ground transport to St. Joe's. Rough day in town, search and rescue had a canyon carryout of a rock climber that fell, our run was the culmination of an earlier bicycle accident with a pre teen girl that I ran on, we are now taking her to the Pediatric unit to monitor her as a result of a concussion. So we dropped our patient and her mother at the hospital and decided it was food time. That night Central was packed, warm fall night, all the cruisers and lowriders had traffic at a virtual standstill. We see a Burger King on the right, I make a command decision to go there, figuring that we can hit a few side streets and go south to hit a east-west street to get back to I-25. The radio is starting to get busy, things are getting a little warm in town with calls, we are 80+ miles away with one of the three ambulances in town.

So quick command decision, hit the drive thru and order two milkshakes and get back quick. We pull up the window, the guy working the window stands there with two milkshakes in his hands and the dumbest expression on his face possible. Just stands there. So I said "You call for an ambulance?" He is still dumbfounded, like he never saw a Omaha Orange and White van with a light bar before. He finally said "No" to which I replied "Well that's good, we ordered two milkshakes."

Somebody said something to him, he said "No charge" and handed them to us. And off into the night we went, remarking to my partner "And there is the future of America"

During the summer of '89 my ship was in drydock in Japan so since we weren't going anywhere I decided to drive on base cabs in the evening for extra cash. There was a McDonalds on base and I would eat my dinner there. All the employees were Japanese. One evening after I got my order I noticed parts of a fly in my fries. Clearly there was a wing attached to a fry. You can probably already tell how this is going to evolve. So I went up to the counter with my fries, showed them to the manager and said that there were flies in my fries. He just shook his head in agreement obviously acknowledging that I was showing him that I had fries. So I tried again to no avail. Yes, I eventually had to do my best Jeff Goldblum and and act the fly then point to my fries. That worked and I got a "So solly" and new fries with no flies.

The wife, son, and I went out for a pizza dinner. The son was still crawling but was making sounds that were close to his first word. We were at a table with several groups of people around us when he started to say "Mmmmm Mmmo" We expected him to say Mom and started encouraging him.

Me "Mommy." Wife "Mom." Me "Mmmmommy." wife"Mmmom." Son "Mmmm." The people all around us were into it and watching us. Me "Mmmommmy." Wife "Mmmmom." Son "Mmm Mmm Meow."

Well we had two cats and they were at the same eye level as him. He probably had more interaction with the cats than us.