I don’t have much to add that hasn’t been posted. Setting ‘influences’ aside, doesn’t seem like a player, I think some have a genetic makeup at birth to be predisposed a certain way. That ‘way’ can be other than what’s normally expected by gender.

I have a friend whose son transitioned more or less in his 20’s. In his case it seemed like the crowd he hung out with somewhat ‘influenced’ him. He was taking drugs but no surgery, also had a girlfriend during much of this time.

As you stated, navigating the issue in a supportive way, not entertaining anything via medical procedures. Seems like a very reasonable approach.

She could be a tomboy, and the garbage all over media has misinformed her into thinking it means she wants to be a boy, and/or it means she should like girls. Back in the day when I was her age (1968), there were tomboys and there were girly girls, but we knew nothing about same-sex attraction.

At 8 kids really don't know what they want regarding romantic or sexual connections. Unlike wanting ice cream, they don't have the brain wiring or hormones to be knowledgable. It could be she is truly attracted to females. At that age I remember being somehow attracted to girls, but really didn't know why. On the other hand, I enjoyed playing with boys while generally did not want to play with girls. I liked my male friends. The concept of choosing my sex or sexuality wasn't even a thing at that age.

So she may grow up and truly be lesbian. I believe some small % of people are born that way. But I also believe your response to her was perfect, that she can never be a boy regardless of what she likes to do, how she likes her hair, or if she likes girls rather than boys. She may be in a phase, she may be a tomboy, she may grow up a lesbian. You've not shamed her nor cut off open communication.

I disagree with the advice to see a psychologist. My ex was a clinical psychologist, so I had a 30+ year window into that world. It will be difficult to find one that doesn't believe the current narrative of supporting the trans agenda.

I am not a parent, never will be.

At eight years Old I wanted to be something else every week.


I can't begin to comprehend what you are experiencing.
But I've seen a lot of YouTube vids with this subject.

All kinds of support stuff giving many options.

She’s still developing in every facet. There are plenty of girls who prefer more masculine stuff. At her age, she likely can’t properly interpret her feelings nor can she precisely express them. I know full grown adults who can’t do those things.

I think I would share her interests where appropriate. Take her shooting, fishing, car shows etc. let her be her. Until she’s fully developed, I would avoid choices that have permanent consequences.

Give her lots of love and training. Their childhood flashes by in an instant never to return. Take time to enjoy it with her.

Sounds to me you've got a Tomboy. Teach her all the stuff you'd teach a son she'll be fine.

quote:

Originally posted by FenderBender:
Sounds to me you've got a Tomboy. Teach her all the stuff you'd teach a son she'll be fine.

what I was going to say also

I think alot of interesting points have been brought up in this thread.

Like the above posters, I would also avoid a psychiatrist/psychologist/counselor at this time; you won't know what they will say to her till it happens and it may be very counter-productive to your wishes given this day and age. Also, it may make your daughter feel like there is something "wrong" with her, taking her to a doctor for feeling this way, when there isn't anything "wrong" with her.

Part of her desire to be/do boy stuff may be a reaction not only to her twin girly sister, but also to, what sounds like, her girly Mother; you mentioned Mother crying when the daughter had her haircut short and wanting her to grow up and follow a very traditional female role in society; get married and have kids.

I agree with others who suggest sitting back and supporting her in her choices of activities and appearance. I'd also talk with Mom about easing off the pressure to conform to traditional female societal roles and appearance, which can feel very limiting, especially to a young girl starting to see the big world and its opportunities and instead encourage her self expression and exploration of what a woman can really do and be these days...

Plus Infinity to what Sacramento said. Nailed it 100%

Otto, you have absolutely earned my respect with all that you’ve said about trying to negotiate this period in your daughter’s life. I can see the added complication of your wife’s traditional Catholic values, and her family’s struggle to be supportive grandparents.

I was especially encouraged to read that her twin sister stands strong with her; I see that as critical, and I hope her other sisters feel similarly.

I’m trying to work my way back to Catholicism, and prayer. If you think your wife would appreciate a rosary or two being said for guidance, I’d be happy to do so. If not, I understand.

I agree with the others who say that 8 is too young to solidify any feelings or wants, if that makes sense.

However, is it possible that she may potentially turn out to be a lesbian and is equating her being attracted to girls with wanting to be a boy/thinking she wants to be a boy, since she's thinking like one?

I have no professional or personal experience with this, just spitballing.

Further on the perfect "him" I saw growing up from birth to adult. The want to do boy stuff, the outright refusal to wear girl clothing, these are very real starting at a very young age.

Most of us seeing this at first thought "tomboy". She now he, was deep into sports. Baseball cards. Basketball cards. Got a scholarship for swimming and water polo. Attended an Olympic tryout. All with a very boyish appearance. Still today is deep into NBA games.

They're EIGHT. Just be a supportive, loving parent. Don't sweat it. The situation can be COMPLETELY different in 6 months or a year.

I have an 8yr old and an 11yr old.

quote:

Originally posted by OttoSig:

quote:

Originally posted by ZSMICHAEL:
Make an appointment for YOURSELF with a competent clinical psychologist to discuss the matter. Most though not all have significant expertise in this area.Believe me this is not an area for amateurs.

This was what our pediatrician recommended in GA. Because we were about to move we waited. My wife changed Tricare coverage today to get an appointment to talk to someone. I totally agree with seeking advice, I’m educated to a point but ignorant as a tree stump in this area.

I think this is good advice. Get some help from a person who is trained and has experience.

But you seem to be doing pretty well.

Around 1992, i would have been 12 years old. One of my closest friends was Kim. She had like 5 or 6 older sisters, all older, pretty and blonde. I suspect her father kept trying until he had a boy, which didn't happen. I had heard the comment that he raised her as a boy, but i have no recollection of that.

Kim was very athletic and could hang with the boys in any sport, and excelled in basketball at that age. She had the largest calves, like Arnold level musculature in that scene in Twins. Her hair was always cut like a guys since i had known her.

One example was we went as a group to the county fair. She was walking into the girls' restroom but was stopped and told guys couldn't go in there. We never had one conversation that pertained to crushes, dating or any boy/girl differences, it never crossed our minds at that age.

A year or 2 later, i noticed she would wear 2 or 3 undershirts beneath her t shirt, obviously to hide any changes of puberty. This was about the time we entered high school, i think she was a year or two older, and we just kinda drifted away from each other . Still to this day she has the same haircut, it never changed. She wears guys clothes and always had a baseball hat on. She is openly dating women, and probably never had interest in males. It was just the way it has always been

This is about the only experience i can add to this conversation. This was way before any outside influence from social media and the rise of the alphabet mafia, LGBT stuff. I truly believe it was organic as it comes. I don't have any social media now but we were friends years ago on Facebook, and I got a kick out of how MAGA she was. My opinion, experience and observation is there is a small percentage,say 2-3% that are born this way. The rest are created through some type of trauma they were subjected to.

I’m going to answer as if I’m the father of the 8-year old.

First, I’ll check for any external sources of influence - school, TV, friends, parents of friends, etc. You said you already did that so check that off. If there were any external sources, I would neutralize that or, at least, mitigate it.

Next, she’s 8 years old. I think even before the transgender thing, children have naturally explored their sexuality. What’s important is to make sure they don’t physically act on it or have them be exploited - this applies to heterosexual tendencies anyway.

I would simply monitor the situation. Don’t try to “fix” the situation same as parents used to “fix” left-handers. If she grows out of it, great. If she doesn’t and carries it into adulthood, be what a good parent would do - be there when she needs support. Be clear that no matter what your personal view of the issue (and I don’t know what your view is), that makes no difference in your love for her. She is your “mi vida para siempre.”

Just really great, mature and helpful responses here. Congratulations, SigForum! Not surprised but proud of y'all.

I posted earlier, but want to emphasize the truth of what you told your daughter: she cannot become a boy. That is a lie that is accepted by therapists, teachers, counselors, physicians. Only now with the current administration is there push back in this country. In Europe, UK, Finland, Sweden all halted gender transition treatments for minors. Just as an example of this insanity: children are often told that if they do not behave in the most stereotypic way for their sex, they must "belong in another body". But no medications, no surgery can change your chromosomes; surgery is disfiguring and often results in no sexual function at all, or very unsatisfactory function.

I wish you the best, OttoSig. Fortunate for you that you don't live in California.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
This.

Best to you, Otto Sig
Blackhorse4

quote:

Originally posted by flesheatingvirus:
They're EIGHT. Just be a supportive, loving parent. Don't sweat it. The situation can be COMPLETELY different in 6 months or a year.

I have an 8yr old and an 11yr old.

Hopefully this is the case and as hormones kick in after puberty things may change, or in the transition from teen to 20's.

Either way be there to support her, the only mistake you can possibly make is not supporting her. Use your wisdom and age to guide her and teach her right/wrong and ethics. After that let your flower blossom.

Best of luck, I'm sorry that you are dealing with this at her age, but it sounds like you are making the right moves thus far.

My sister has twin girls, 18 years old, one is a girly girl and the other
is like a boy. It’s been that way since age 7-8. She wears boys clothes and
cuts her hair very short. She doesn’t call herself a boy and she’s not transitioning.


She likes girls so she’s a lesbian I guess.
My sister says there were no outside influencers.
I always thought it had to do with being twins. Like she got a bit
of boy dna mixed in.

They are both very hard working and smart. I love them like they were my children.

quote:

Originally posted by ss9961:
I always thought it had to do with being twins. Like she got a bit
of boy dna mixed in.

This is hilarious to me. I’m gonna tell my wife this!

Wasn’t enough X chromosomes for the two of em lol.