quote:

Originally posted by Lucnik:
Divorce is death of the relationship, except there is no closure.

I’ve told people this very thing on multiple occasions. A divorce is so similar to a death in the family, but there is no area for a positive. There is no, “they’re in a better place” or “let’s focus on the good times”.

In time it almost always gets better, at from the men I’ve spoken to. But in that moment it ain’t great.

quote:

Originally posted by Beancooker:
My wife still treats me like I’m some kind of god

I tell exactly the same thing to people about my wife. She serves me burnt offerings every dinner.

I think what saved me is that I decided to not marry while I was still in the navy. I figured I would not want to marry someone who would want to marry a sailor. I think it was innately a self-awareness of who I was.

Ever since we reached 5 years of marriage and every year since, I tell people we’ve been married for 39 long, long, long, long years.

I think our pre-marriage counseling helped a lot to establish a foundation and we went regularly in the first few years to marriage conferences “A Weekend to Remember” that we treated as a vacation and a recommitment. The phrase is easily googled and it’s put out by Family Life in cities across the country.

quote:

Originally posted by Lucnik:
Divorce is death of the relationship, except there is no closure. The two dead people are still walking around. You don’t break up, you’re ripped apart. The two become one flesh in marriage.

Only if both are of that philosophy about marriage. My ex was not, and when people ask how long we were married I say I was married 30+ years, she was never really married. Most don't get it it for a moment.

By the time we separated, there was little residual pain about the relationship. The divorce process was made painful by the court system, but from a relationship perspective I was done. Her transgressions far exceeded my tolerance.

I watched a few crime shows last evening. I tell people, when you’re thinking about offing your partner, it’s time to exit.

Even the best plans start to unravel when put under a microscope.

Back to the workable relationship, so many things aren’t worth fussing over.