One factor is this: How many days a week?
I used to have a 3.5 hr commute, once a week. I drove to work, did my 48 hr shift, and then went home for 6 days.
That worked, for me.
3 days a week, I could see a 1.5 hr commute.
5 days? No dice.

Bruce

I've done the crazy commute thing, temporarily, and I can attest that it affects almost everything in your family life, in addition to the added costs of the commute itself in gas and wear and tear on the car. In my case it was because I had a house that was convenient to a lot of jobs in Silicon Valley, but I just happened to take one about 90 minutes away for tactical reasons, a gig that lasted a few years. I learned to deal with the wasted time on the road by carpooling with my friend/boss, which kept both of us sane. Missed a lot of time with my wife and the kiddies, and had zero time during the week to do anything at home but eat and sleep.

No way would I plunk big money down for a fancy house in the middle of nowhere, far from any likely jobs.

In your shoes, I'd get an affordable house, sized for my family's reasonably foreseeable needs, located a humane commute away from work. It may be tempting to look at the wonderful amenities and/or yard and forget that in real estate, it's location-location-location.

Personally, I'd let the out-of-town family know that in the new place, couches and sleeping bags will be the order of the day, and if that's insufficient, then Motel 6 (or the middle TN equivalent) is right around the corner.

quote:

It would be an 83 mile, or 1:25 each way. I've had hour long commutes for many years before, but they where only 45-65 miles.....

My question is...is this sane?

Only you can decide if it's sane, given your situation. Me, I would never, ever, waste my time on the road like that, again. Also, I would never waste my time sitting stuck in traffic because of a normal hour job, because it would drive me insane.

For eight years, I had an hour and a half commute both ways and that's if I don't hit the worse of the commute time. Going home sometimes went 2 hours. I would often take the long way home which may even be longer than an hour and a half just to get out of the stop and go traffic. It's the stop and go that kills you as you feel your life ebbing away sitting in traffic moving an inch at a time.

Before that, I had a two hour commute for 3 years over 70 miles and 5 freeway transfers. Again, it's not the miles or the hours but the stop and go that kills you.

I had a co-worker who drove over 100 miles one way because his bride wanted a big farm land that she was used to. The work was in Oakland, CA and he found a place past Stockton, CA.

I also learned to just get off the freeway, find some shade and take a nap to rest instead of being in stop and go.

Having said that, the question isn't whether you're sane or crazy or whether it's a good decision. The question is: are you willing to sign up for that? You're trading a portion of your life for a certain lifestyle for your family. Are you willing to sacrifice? Is your wife willing to give you some payback when you get home in terms of not dropping whatever problems have occurred and dropping them all on your lap at once?

Can you work from home some days? Is that something you can bring up to your boss?

And instead of a cheap used 4 cylinder, I would opt for a more luxurious ride. A bad ride will just increase the pain of the commute. You have to love yourself some unless you're into self-flagellation.

Can you buy a cheaper house and add a shop to the back?

I’m looking for a house right now. We’re in a similar situation, wanting land and 5 bedrooms with a garage and a shop.

My commute is currently 9 minutes.

Wife’s is 30-40+.

Our sweet spot is < 40 for each.

No way in hell I’d go over 45. 45 minutes today will likely be 1.5 hour by the time I retire. Traffic is not improving, and something like 45 people move to my city a day.

And my office is 7 miles away, my wife’s 17.

We are trying to find something, but it’s all a compromise. We’ve looked at 17 houses. Two or three potentials, but nothing just right yet.

Not worth it. Spend the extra money on the right house closer, or downsize your needs and wants.

When I got my first cop job, I drove 65 miles each way, working 12 hour shifts (6AM-6PM or 6PM to 6AM.) I would wake up at 430AM to get to work at 6AM, and I would get home around 715-730PM. On nights, I had to leave at 430PM to get to work by 6PM, and then I would get home around 830, sleep til 330PM, and do it all over again. It was miserable.

After me and my then-girlfriend moved to where I was working, she got a job at the hospital in town. 3 months later, she got a better offer to return to her old job. That resulted in HER commuting 65 miles each way, five days per week, for 8 months until I got a cop job back in that area. It was trying on the relationship but it worked out. I got her a ring for putting up with that BS commute for so long. I would never do that, or ask someone else to do it, ever again. It sucks.

quote:

My question is...is this sane? To move to far away from work just to find affordable housing?

it's not sustainable. something will have to give. the house, the job or your sanity/happiness.

I've got a 55 mile each way commute and depending on traffic and weather conditions that's a minimum of an hour each way and when things are bad it's been 2+ hours each way. Fortunately I only have to do that once a week (the remainder of the week I work from home). Not sure I'd do it every day.

Lots of good opinions here. I’ll try to answer some questions to the best of my ability. One great factor with the Misses is that she doesn’t unload a bunch of shit on me as soon as I walk in the door, and that’s great. I do try to keep to in contact with her throughout the day though, and that’s a big help in that department. I manage a motorcycle dealership, so the toys come with the territory, as does working 5 days a week. Working from home has never been and will never be an option. Good news is, we don’t open till 10:00 AM, so during the times I commute traffic is a non-issue, save for a random accident here and there. It’s a small pinch of rural to get to a highway, which is basically arrow straight North/South. I “could” take the scenic route, which is very pretty and scenic, with a max speed limit of about 55 MPH if I wanted to go that route. The last car I bought for my previous job (hour each way) was a Subaru Forester. Put 150,000 miles on it in short order, great vehicle. I drive a TON anyways. Just turned 50k on my 2017 Colorado Z71 crew cab purchased in late 2017. We go places and get into all sorts of adventures, so we’re often on the road. The area I was thinking of moving to is out in the country and VERY pretty. Much closer to lakes and mountains and so on than the city. Even the houses for purchase in the close area are 45 minutes (40-50 miles) West of work, so either way a good commute is likely. So far my front runner for a cheap commuter car would be a used Corolla IM with a manual. I’ve had two previous Corollas with manuals for commuter cars, and they served me well. What helps with a nice A/V system, I put one in every car before my Colorado...really helps pass the time. My 2018 Camaro ZL1 gets surprisingly good highway MPG, but that’s a weekend toy only, it stays under cover in the garage.

Trust me, I don’t care to live that far away just because. Unfortunately my job isn’t the kind like IT for instance, where I can just do it anywhere and it’s all the same, especially at my income level. A house that would meet our needs within 45 minutes of work is a cool $500,000...which just sucks.

Hell no.

Sell some stuff, find a nice Bed & Breakfast nearby for the family when they visit, and find a smaller house near where you work.

It's not worth all those extra hours of your life each day. Especially with a kid on the way. A 3 hour round trip commute every day is 15 hours of your life each week (or more due to accidents, weather, and the like).

Think of how much time with your family you'll be giving up, and how many of your kids' important activities you'll be missing, just to have a free crash pad for the in-laws, plus a room full of guns and a garage full of motorcycles and other toys...

If you have to work 3 days a week maybe, 5 days a week hell no hell no hell no

Following up on my first post, I totally missed the kid on the way.

Cold, hard truth: you don’t have enough money to buy the right house at the moment, if the only option is 1.5 hours away. Tell your family to pound sand, sell half of the toys, and find a nice 2BR house with a garage near your work.

In a couple years, once you have saved up enough, and can gauge your time needs, either buy your big lot closer to work or quit your job and find one closer to the scenic area you prefer.

It’s not worth commuting the equivalent of 12.5 work weeks a year more. No one can sustain that, either your health, your relationship, or your sanity will be affected.

Difference in Mortgage payments is $700/mo.

Say that cuts your commute in half, so 40 instead of 80 miles, each way. So you save 80 miles per day. Even if you drive a car that gets 40MPG, you save 2 gallons per day by living closer, 5 days a week. Call it 21 days in the month, or 42 gallons, anywhere from $80-160 per month.

So that $700 per month is easily $600/mo now. That doesn't even include new vehicle acq costs / insurance, maintenance, etc, so we'll call that $50 / mo on average for Mx and $50/mo for Insurance.

So now you have to pay $500/month to get 30 hours of your life back per month.

If you told me I had to do something for 30 hours a month and were going to pay me $500 to do it, on top of my current job, I wouldn't even get out of bed.

quote:

Originally posted by ibanda:
I had a 38 mile one way commute for 2 years from Dallas to Fort Worth. After 2 years I moved to Fort Worth and got back 1.5 hours of my life back every day. I won't voluntarily sign up for a bad commute again.

I was 42 miles one way through a mountain canyon. I now have a 5 mile round trip. I would never go back. As mentioned your time is more important than all the toys you will never use. And more importantly, I can make everything involving the kids as I am not an hour away.

quote:

Originally posted by reloader-1:

Cold, hard truth: you don’t have enough money to buy the right house at the moment, if the only option is 1.5 hours away. Tell your family to pound sand, sell half of the toys, and find a nice 2BR house with a garage near your work.

In a couple years, once you have saved up enough, and can gauge your time needs, either buy your big lot closer to work or quit your job and find one closer to the scenic area you prefer.

It’s not worth commuting the equivalent of 12.5 work weeks a year more. No one can sustain that, either your health, your relationship, or your sanity will be affected.

This ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

I'm not sure you didn't do it backwards. I bought the house first then filled it with toys as I could afford them.

To me, a happy life is spending quality time with family and friends - not living in a junker 4 cylinder car for 2, 3, or 4 hours a day listening to XM radio play the same songs over and over again. If your home is too small for big family visits, offer to pay for a hotel. It will be much cheaper. Do the math. If your home is too small to store all the toys, sell some or rent a storage unit. It will be much cheaper. Do the math.

Good luck with your decision.
Mike

I've been driving 70 minutes each way since 1978, it was either my wife or I would have to make the commute. I took one for the team.

After I retired from LMPD I took a detectives job with a Sheriff’s department in another county. It was one hour each way. The way I looked at it was I was putting in ten hour days, that might be a weird way to look at it but that’s how I felt. And at times the drive home turned into an hour and a half due to traffic conditions. On those days I walked in the door in a bad mood.

As a side note, my brother in law who is in maintenance at Ford has all the toys you mentioned, he makes a lot of money but works so much overtime he does not have the energy to go out and enjoy his toys so they sit. You may feel the same way at the end of the week after the hours worked and driven.

quote:

Originally posted by 08 Cayenne:
I've been driving 70 minutes each way since 1978, it was either my wife or I would have to make the commute. I took one for the team.

Not to go off topic, but in the 41 years since, there hasn’t been any opportunity to change jobs or other arrangements?

Some members (including myself) have less than a 10 min commute. You have 2 hours more a day than that, if you work a regular workweek job, that’s 2 hours * 250 workdays per year * 41 years = 20,500 hours.

That’s more than 10 years of 8 hour work day equivalents that you weren’t getting paid?

A long commute slowly sucks the life out of you. Eventually it keeps creeping up and up and you do less and less because by the time you get home you're beat.