I'm in the go category

1 you make up the day of vacation lost during the month of June and you'll have it to use before Aug.

2 things like this matter to kids. It's a small item to you but it's all they know right now. I sacrificed time with my kids for work and they knew and I regretted it. When it comes down to it family us all you have.

3 former in-laws if you don't show you give them ammo to shoot at you for the foreseeable future. Not that it should matter to you but show up be cordial spend as much time as you can with the kids then head out.

Speaking as a father of a daughter who just completed her 3rd year in college I'd go. Time seems to go faster as they/we grow older, you'll blink and they'll be out of high school. I never relished being around my ex during these events, but a smile and a hug from my daughter made it worth the price.


A few weeks ago I cut out of work early, drove 2 1/2 hours, took my daughter to dinner, went to her last orchestra concert of the season and drove 2 1/2 hours back. The smile and a hug were again worth the price.

I would skip it but send them a nice present and a card explaining why the time would be better used this summer.

Maybe give them a list of things or places to go this summer and let them chose one of them.

I typically try to 'GO' to these if I can.

However I empathize with you. You can't make it to everything.

But I am of the camp that believes good parenting is a lot of 'little things' versus a few big things.

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My reaction is to go, if it's important to the kids. My thinking might be influenced by the fact that I did not really know my father; he died a few weeks after my fifth birthday.

As a single parent raising 2 boys from diapers, I missed way to many events in their life because I was married to the job. As they got older, I realized that but by then it was to late. My Sgt. friend takes time off for ANYTHING to do with his family. I wish I could have been like him.

Go, the kids want you there and you want to be there.

Will kids even remember you didn't attend these ceremonies in 10 years? They would remember doing something super fun.

I didn't say it in the OP, but the plan would be to bring them home after the ceremony. They are coming that day either way, either with me then, or to my wife that evening.

I don't miss much. I do field trips, recitals, etc., and every day I'm off and they are off, they are with me. I run up there and get them from school when it releases most days I'm off and they aren't.

My son and I will have Friday night solo, I think I'll explain it to him with the option of a full day during the summer.

I can clearly remember my dad NOT being at most of my events and how it made me feel.

quote:

Originally posted by 911Boss:
I say it would be a no go for me, but then many folks think I am in inconsiderate asshole...

Kindergarten and third grade "ceremonies" aren't exactly milestones in my book. High school and college graduations? Absolutely.

I would however explain it to the kids and make a date for a special day that works for your schedule and visitation as well for a phone call that evening so they can tell you all about their special day..

^^^^^Yeah, this.

911Boss put it nicely. Kindergarten "graduation" is bullshit, plain and simple, and so are all similar meaningless "here's-your-trophy-for-being-there" ceremonies. A whole day of full involvement with your kids in the summer is worth a thousand times what you're just being there at a meaningless bullshit "graduation" or similar ceremony would be.

And it's a good rule of thumb to absolutely minimize interaction with exes, including ex in-laws. If they're going to dominate the event, you neither need nor want to be there. Make your best effort to NEVER say or do anything negative to/with/about your exes in front of your kids -- that usually means its far better to have no interaction in person with the exes who may force negativity to come out.

That's my two cents. Hope it works out well for you, regardless of what you decide to do.

Maybe you can Skype it. The kids will remember that you were part of their day.

If you don't think it's a good use of your time off as compared to spending time with them over the summer, then no big deal- skip it. Only you can make that call. No one here can weigh the trade-offs, nor how your kids would interpret your not attending.

quote:

Originally posted by chongosuerte:
Mostly, it means I'll have to spend the morning (2 different ceremonies separated by 2 hours) at a school where the only people I will know are my ex mother in law, whom I truly despise, my ex wife, her boyfriend, and probably some other ex inlaws. I guess that's the part I dread.

I don't believe for a second that you're not strong enough emotionally to stand in any situation. If you're letting the inlaws' / ex' presence influence the decision, that's weak. I know that sometimes relationships are uncomfortable, and I hear that you dread spending time around them. I don't know the history of the relationship- frankly it doesn't really matter. Nothing about their presence or their attendance or their beliefs can change who you are and the influence you can have on your kids. The only way they get that power is if you give it to them.

Forget the inlaws- make the decision you believe is best for your family.

[QUOTE]Originally posted by LBAR15:
Go, you'll regret it if you don't. It will mean a lot to your kids to see you there (this stuff is a big deal to them even though it seems silly) and I bet you'll see that on their faces when you walk in...QUOTE]

DING DING DING - Winner.

quote:

Originally posted by BurtonRW:

quote:

Originally posted by maddy345:
If your son said he wanted you there and you can make it than go. Put your discomfort aside.

Better to be there for them on a day that is special and miss a regular day during the summer.

That would be a different story, but as he posted, it sounded to me like nobody expects that he will be there.

-Rob

Read the third paragraph in the OP

I'm in the go you'll regret it camp, you can't get these days back, ever, your kids will appreciate it, you're not there for the graduation, you're there to support the kids.

One day off lost is the wrong way to look at it, its one day you get to spend making your kids happy.

quote:

Originally posted by SapperSteel:
Kindergarten "graduation" is bullshit, plain and simple, and so are all similar meaningless "here's-your-trophy-for-being-there" ceremonies.

I'm fairly certain the kid doesn't think it's bullshit, so were it me, I'd be there. Whether he remembers it or not in a dozen years is irrelevant...it's surely important to him now, and at that young age "now" is his perspective.

Since the plan is to take them with you when it's over, go.

If that were not the case, it's kindergarten and end of year, not a real graduation or a wedding. You are not your dad if you don't go. I'm sure you aren't going to make a habit of it. Spending quality time with your kids is more important than showing up for every event.

Kids that age remember how they feel, not what you say. I missed a lot of my oldest's events because I had to work at the PD. I retired last year and I am not going to miss any more. I'll go back to work full time after they graduate high school. Family time is priceless.

I'm in the skip it camp.
I believe a full day of real family time is more valuable and memorable than a kindergarten graduation, etc.
It would be great if we could make every single event, but that's not real life for most working parents.

quote:

Originally posted by 911Boss:
I say it would be a no go for me, but then many folks think I am in inconsiderate asshole...

We don't think you're inconsiderate...

Chongo, like TigerDore said, talk to your kids and give them the options. It might give them a feeling of having some say-so in the decision and then you'll know for sure if it's a big deal to them.