quote:

Originally posted by ontmark:
You have one shot with spending time with your Children. When they are teenagers they usually want nothing much to do with you. They are busy with their friends. When they grow up and get married or on their own you are lucky you get a card once or twice a year.

Have you considered downgrading your life style? Wife and I still have one home to rise. She is 16 going in to the 11 grade. I am 61 years old. We have not had a car payment in 14 years. All of our furniture was acquired used except the stove and refrigerator. Wife is a stay at home Mom and Wife. I could work more hours at work but I put in about 9.5 a day and 1.5 hours daily commute. That is enough.

We will have the nice things when they are gone and I retire and we move out of California. I have two 401Ks that should give us a decent life outside of California.

Enjoy them while you can it goes by fast. And you will never get a second chance.

When they are gone and on their own you and the wife can have the newer cars and decorate the house with nicer things.

I never understood why people have great new nice furniture in the living room that never or seldom gets used. Have the older stuff and the kids can eat popcorn and snacks during the movies.

This is what I was going to post. Trust me, kids don't care about things. They care about you. Mrs df and I intentionally downgraded our lives to better raise a family. For the record, you will only have influence on them until they are 12ish. From there it attenuates. You had better get in what you can before then.

You're in a rough spot as far as choices go.

Let me share what little I know.

1) I will just trust that you're the kind of person who doesn't just cry at the moment and then forget about it - meaning you're not using you're having to earn a livelihood for your family to forget about your family. I've known a lot of couples who worked hard to give their children "stuff" but the children grew up not well-balanced and not very productive. Then the parents wonders why their children grew up like that when they've worked a whole lot for their benefit. My wife and I could easily tell them that the children didn't need the money they spent their time working for, the children needed their time. And since you already did the math with your wife working, it doesn't sound like you're in that category.

2) I trust you are finding the right balance between the amount of work that you have to do versus the amount of stuff you think you need to support your family. It can be a tough call which I don't have any experience at. But I think in American culture, sacrificing FOR your children can easily slip into sacrificing YOUR children.

3) I trust you do take advantage of the times when you can spend time with your children. And I don't mean like taking them out to Disneyland or something, I just mean spending time with them doing whatever stuff strengthens your bond with them as their father.

Good luck, man.

Hang in there. Carve out time when you can and pray to the good Lord you can carve more.

I've been where you are and it breaks my heart to not see my kids and tears my heart wide open when I have to disappoint them.

Yet the only way my wife gets to stay home is if I keep working. And sometimes that means working more than seems possible.

I have decided recently to start saying "No" to some work opportunities and making more time for my little kids. They will only be little once and I don't want to miss all of it.

It's an option for me, maybe it will be for you too at some point. Keep that in mind.

I know its been said here, but it goes by so damn fast. It sounds like you enjoy every moment you can with your kids, so I don't have any great advice. I will say it's the best time of your life when they are little. You a making a great choice having mama stay home. Good luck to you!

Oh man that would kill me.

You're doing what you gotta do for the family. Just remember that. And they, too, will one day.

There's been times when we were able to change our lives to be with our kids more, and times when we couldn't. I missed most of my daughter's early childhood...but we were at war. I had more of a choice for my son.

College gave us those options, so did moving.

It's never an easy decision, but if you're making it together as a couple...I'm sure it's right for you. Definitely look for some vacation time. Don't overlook creative ways to include your children in your work. We've chosen that path. Home office, take our kids with us for work...or family vacation in the hotel close to the job.

I hate it for you. I don't work that much but my baby girl still does that same thing. Luckily, I get to play and hang out with her most of the weekend. It's amazing to see her eyes light up when she realized Saturday morning that I'm not working.