I got a new puppy and the neighbors had been complaining that my dog had been barking non-stop. I hate the electric zapping bark collars so I purchased a humane citronella collar. When a dog barks, it shoots a blast of citronella under their nose and apparently they don't like it.

This morning I was getting the collar ready and filled it with the citronella liquid. And that's where my morning should have ended. But no, it's me, and I begin to become curious as to “how” the collars actually work. So I'm standing by my back door "barking" at my dog's collar. Nothing happens. I make sure it's turned on, check the fill level, and go through the "getting started" check list one more time. Again, I bark. Nothing happens. Now I'm not quite sure, why I had this next thought, but I did...I put the collar on. I seriously extended the band and fit the growl box against my throat and barked. Apparently, the collar only works if it feels vibrations, because I immediately received a blast of citronella to the face. I began coughing, which only caused the stupid collar to continue squirting bug spray over and over into my nasal cavity. I'm now on my hands and knees in my back yard, trying to breathe, and to make matters worse, the dog is barking. So between coughing and yelling at him to shut up, I've emptied over a dozen blasts of citronella to my face. During all of this ruckus, I'm trying to undo the clasp of the collar, which has somehow managed to weld shut during this whole fiasco.

I finally get the collar off and threw, yes I threw that inhumane stupid thing across the yard, and lay in the grass sucking in the cool morning air. In the middle of thinking this is probably the dumbest thing I've done in a while, I hear laughter. MY NEIGHBOR SAW THE WHOLE THING! He was laughing so hard he couldn't breathe. Between gasps, he tells me, "I was gonna come help, but every time I started to climb over the fence, you'd set it off again and then I would started laughing and couldn't make it."

So now, not only are my eyes red, but my face and ears are too. After checking to make sure I was ok, we parted ways and I went in to shower so I wouldn't smell like ode de' Tiki Torch.

Lesson learned: next time (yes, there will always be a next time with me) make sure that:
1. Don't fill the collar before trying to set it off.
2. Remember your neighbor is not a good source of help in a comedy crisis situation.

On the plus side, I won't have a mosquito problem for a few days!

Even though this does sound like some crazy thing that I'd do, I hate to break the news that it's just something I found funny so I copied and posted.

Next up, testing the personal taser you bought the wife.

Unreal! Can you imagine if you had got this fiasco on video, imagine it going viral, or AFV picks it up I'm laughing almost imagining it myself. And hate to admit it but, I've done similar acts in the name of curiosity myself.