Hang in there, I can't imagine the loss of your child, but I can imagine how I would feel if anything happened to our 15 month. It took us five years to get pregnant and I feel the pain you have for when your wife see another women pregnant.

Stay the course.

quote:

Originally posted by Lt CHEG:
And I have a bunch of use/lose leave that I need to burn up so I definitely need to schedule some vacation soon.

I'm in the same boat. My advice, talk to your wife and schedule that leave. Otherwise you'll find a whole lot of reasons not to take it.

We had a miscarriage between number one and two, and I look at it this way- it happens, and very possibly for a reason. I here might have been something wrong that made it happen naturally- some defect that caused it to occur because it's as nature intended.

As to the job, you can be superman and it may not matter sometimes. We have zero upward mobility, and management has the ability to lapse positions at will (and has been) to the point that we now have three guys for 110 linear miles 7 days a week (also a fed).

Stay positive and don't try to have kids; then you'll be pregnant in no time. Trust me on that one

Hang in there, I'm sure things will get better. I will keep you and your wife in my prayers. As far as work goes, you just keep plugging away. I know all too well of what you are going through, and if you need another ear to bend, please feel free to email me.

I too want to wish you and your wife the best. What I got out of your original post is you are a selfless, hard working, not completely wrapped up in yourself type of guy that can be counted on. Which in my book speaks volumes of your character.

I hope your dream of a family comes to fruition.

On the career thing. The sooner you decide on continuing or changing your path, the better.

A career in LE these days seem's brutal to me. But I understand some love and excel at it. But your wife has to be supportive of it. Can be tough for them for sure. Especially when children are in the mix.


All the best brother.

quote:

Originally posted by old rugged cross:
I too want to wish you and your wife the best. What I got out of your original post is you are a selfless, hard working, not completely wrapped up in yourself type of guy that can be counted on. Which in my book speaks volumes of your character.

I hope your dream of a family comes to fruition.

On the career thing. The sooner you decide on continuing or changing your path, the better.

A career in LE these days seem's brutal to me. But I understand some love and excel at it. But your wife has to be supportive of it. Can be tough for them for sure. Especially when children are in the mix.


All the best brother.

Thank you, and thankfully my wife is supportive of my career. I left behind a career in the engineering field to go into law enforcement with her full support, which has never dwindled. As for career changes, all that I would likely change would be the agency I work for. Not so brag but I'm good at what I do and have a very rare combination of high technical accumen with the availability to work well in the field. I've worked hard to get where I'm at and it's not likely I would go back to the engineering world for example. The only changes I could see myself making would be going back to local LE from the Feds if the right opportunity came along. I could potentially take an appointed position that would allow me to do what I most enjoy doing full time, albeit likely at slightly less pay. Such a move might also improve my resume for life after retirement though which could also mean more money consulting for a few years, as I'd still have the fed credentials but could also say I did my specialty full time and likely eventually as a unit commander. I'm probably going to ride things out where I'm at for at least another year before I get too crazy, but I have at least put some feelers out. Hopefully my agency will do right by me, but I don't plan on putting full control of my destiny in someone else's hands.

As far as the rest, the doctors don't see any problems and basically told us to just get lots of practice. Hopefully things work out sooner than later though as I just don't want to be carrying a cane wile changing diapers.

Lt, my wife and I suffered through 3 miscarriages, one being (we believe to this day) twins. Like you and your wife, we were deeply hurt and suffered scars that we still carry. After the last one, I took the initiative that her OB did NOT take, and we went to a specialist. She had issues with developing antibodies to the placenta that always occurred at the end of the first trimester, around 12 weeks. He put her on twice daily shots of heparin, and in 10 months we had a beautiful healthy baby girl born.

Hang in there, and the tides will turn. Godspeed to you and your wife.

Yesterday, I reached out to a couple contacts I have with other agencies. I still don't know if I'll go anywhere or not, but it does feel nice to hear people appreciate your work - even if it's from another agency.

Lt. Be aware that sometimes the unspoken reason for not getting a promotion or job change is that you cannot be replaced satisfactorily in your current position.

Thus an employer change is mandated.....

quote:

Originally posted by Lt CHEG:
Yesterday, I reached out to a couple contacts I have with other agencies. I still don't know if I'll go anywhere or not, but it does feel nice to hear people appreciate your work - even if it's from another agency.

I'd recommend not making any life altering choices given the current circumstances. Joining the Royal Canadian Mounted Police might seem like a good idea right now and then you wake up between two polar bears a month from now.

Thoughts and prayers for you and your wife, sir. As for have children you can take our experience for what it's worth: After conceiving our son right out of the box, we waited a couple years to try for #2. And tried. And tried, and etc. For almost 18 months. The next stop was in vitro , etc. and that's where we drew the line. decided we'd stop all the gymnastics, etc and if it didn't happen in 6 months, so be it. 1 month later our daughter was on the way. Our own efforts and anxiety were getting in the way. So, relax, take care of and love each other. Mother Nature knows best. (YMMV).

Brother, I went six straight years without a single win, it was so incredibly hard.

When that broke, and it was a long dreary spell, I couldn't remember how to take good news, it seriously messed with me. I'm finally back on my feet, working that old debt off. Good news is fairly common again. Stay in the fight and things will turn, I just hope it's quick. Either way, you'll find joy, and things will work out.

Praying for you and your wife. I'm all alone, and I think seeing her hurting would be the hardest, sounds like it is for you too, but be there for her, like it seems you always have.

Lt CHEG, my wife and I went through a similar situation more than once. I'll keep you and your wife in my prayers.

I also agree with The Monkey (is he ever wrong?) and Old Rugged Cross.

I've never suffered through the loss of a pregnancy, so I can only send up a prayer for you in that respect. I have been screwed a few times over the last 25 years in LE. Pick up a copy of "Emotional Survival for Law Enforcement" by Kevin Gilmartin. It helped me and a lot of cops I know. Keep fighting the good fight. It matters in the end.