quote:

Originally posted by V-Tail:
At her funeral, it was obvious that the pastor knew her very well. His opening sentence was "Rhoda <pause> was a walking opinion." The gathering of relatives and acquaintances completely cracked up. The ceremony turned into a retelling of fond and funny memories.

I've been to many of these and found them to be the most enjoyable.

When my best friend passed away his wife asked me to officiate his first memorial. There was just no way I could get through the first 5 words. His longest partner with MSP did ok, he made it 2 sentences before breaking down.

At his second memorial, back up here where he lived most of his life, had most of his friends, and the most of the people who knew him best. Both being massive Monty Python fans (to the point where we bow our heads when we hear Graham Chapman), I had to do the John Cleese eulogy for Graham Chapman <bows head>, I spent time making slight modifications. I was ready. When I stood up and pulled the notes out, I lost it. I just couldn't do it. I had to compose myself and wing it. In a way, knowing his sense of humor, he had a hand in that moment.

Short version: If a love one passes away and doesn't know the pastor/reverend/clergy/etc. it may be possible to split officiating the service and delivering the eulogy between 2 people. In other words, church official does normal funeral but friend or family member delivers the eulogy.

Long version: My Mom had stage 4 cancer and I flew home for what I thought was going to be a surgery. Saturday morning of a holiday weekend Mom went to the hospital via ambulance, and her cancer doctor pulled Dad and I off to the side and said the end is near. On Sunday, Mom insisted I go to church where she was a member and I used to be a member when I lived there. The pastor Mom and I knew very well was on vacation 3 time zones away, and after service a friend introduced me to the only pastor not on vacation who had only been on staff a few months. I told him what was going on and he offered to visit Mom at the hospital the next day.

Mom never woke up the next day (i.e. in a coma), and when the new pastor visited he focused on Dad and I. Mom passed a few hours after he left and the next day we contacted him to officiate the service. We met up at church, he spent more time talking with Dad and I, and that is when I offered to deliver the eulogy portion of the service. He readily agreed.

He did a fantastic job of officiating the service and could not have asked for more from someone we met less than a week prior. I was honored to eulogize Mom, but it was the hardest public speaking I have done in my life. Much harder than presenting to oil & gas executives and elected officials.

quote:

Originally posted by V-Tail:
My wife's grandmother lived to be 102. If she had made it another 14 months, she would have had a footprint in each of three centuries.

That is a good service, celebrating a life well-lived.


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In defense of pastors in general (not the creepy "Daddy" guy from the OP), that relationship is a two way street. The deceased needed to spend time with the pastor, and be in church, prior to their death for the pastor to get a chance to know them.

My dad is a pastor, and I also have had conversations about this with my own pastor...from time to time they will be asked to perform funerals for people not in their church...maybe a family member of a church member or someone who really wanted a church funeral but never attended themself. Or maybe like some of the cases mentioned here, the dead person's pastor is out of town and another pastor who didn't know them has to stand in at the last minute. It's pretty hard to deliver a meaningful and heartfelt message about someone you never knew.

You said it: “quite elderly.” Those old people can really ramble on and be creepy. I’m not talking about politics but Biden is odd because of the non-political stuff he says.

I don’t know if the family identifies as regularly going to a church as that would have been the best option. Either the deceased or one of his family goes to a church where there’s a relationship. Otherwise, I suppose it’s like, “you want a preacher? We can get you a preacher.” And he was the only one available.

quote:

Originally posted by Ronin1069:

Pastor spent the better part of his sermon assuring us that the deceased was likely burning in hell for all of eternity and we should heed his ‘sacrifice’ as a warning to save our own souls before it was too late.

I’ll never forget that.

Wow. I’m sure everyone left feeling all good and warm inside.

I know you’re not kidding but you gotta be kidding me.

I can’t imagine any seminary school teaching that.

Well, Christ did teach us to pray, "Our Father, who art in heaven...". So associating God with a paternal personification is not necessarily out of bounds.

"Daddy" does sound a little strange as it is a kids' word, but perhaps mostly because it is an unusual translation. "Dad" isn't a kids' word but it still sounds strange. But the words all mean the same thing.

I am not criticizing you. I myself strongly religiously prefer what is familiar and right to my ear. Heck, I still prefer "Holy Ghost" rather than "Holy Spirit" and yet they mean exactly the same thing, only one has a Germanic origin and the other Latin by way of French.

Perhaps by using an unfamiliar term, the pastor was trying to focus our attention on the fundamental nature of the relationship and that truly God is our Father, our Dad, our Daddy.

I am admittedly a bit conservative myself. And I resist change. This is my favorite version of the Lord's Prayer:

Pater Noster, qui es in caelis, sanctificetur nomen tuum. Adveniat regnum tuum. Fiat voluntas tua, sicut in caelo et in terra. Panem nostrum quotidianum da nobis hodie, et dimitte nobis debita nostra sicut et nos dimittimus debitoribus nostris. Et ne nos inducas in tentationem, sed libera nos a malo. Amen.

Once upon a time, I knew it in Aramaic, but that was many years ago, and these days I have trouble even remembering that my tea is in the microwave. Besides, I'm not sure that even God speaks Aramaic anymore.