Widowers, do you still wear your wedding band?

September 05, 2024, 07:34 PM

I don't believe it appropriate to wear the ring when dating. Even if you're candid about the circumstances, leaving it on might send a signal that you aren't ready to let go yet.

September 05, 2024, 07:58 PM

bubbatime

For what it’s worth, I wear a black silicone wedding ring. It’s more comfortable and fits better than my “real” wedding band. So I don’t think “black” has any significance to being a widow.

If you want to date again I believe you’ll have to remove that ring off your left hand. Maybe wear it around your neck as a pendant on a necklace.

September 06, 2024, 06:19 AM

Ironmike57

I love your story.

quote:
Originally posted by 45 Cal:
Ironmike: I lost the love of my life 27 years ago.
I was by her bed side for her last breath.
In my tears I removed my ring and placed on my right hand,swore to God ,never to be put in this situation again.
I have kept my vows and my statement to God .
Everyone has different views on this and that is ok.

September 06, 2024, 06:22 AM

Ironmike57

Your story is awesome, as well.

quote:
Originally posted by AITG:
My wife passed 7/1/13. I moved my wedding ring to my right hand and wore it for several years. She had a terminal illness and I took care of her to the end. We had some candid talks about what I would do "after". I told her I would never re-marry and she replied "No, find someone who treats you at least as well as I do." I didn't tell her but I didn't want to go through the emotional and physical trauma of losing someone again.

Then I met someone who was so honest and open that I decided she was worth the risk of having to care for her to the end. I have been blessed by God to have not one but two soulmates in my life.

The bottom line: move at your own pace. Whether it's donating her clothes, rearranging the dresser or opening yourself to the possibility of another relationship don't worry about "when". You will know when it's time.

September 06, 2024, 06:27 AM

Ironmike57

Gentlemen, thank you for the wonderful insights.

I took the ring off yesterday and tethered it to Meredith’s.
I am also in the camp that cannot endure this kind of pain again. I will find a friend.
The last 8 months have been a living HELL.
The “NEW NORMAL” sucks.

Off to my first back waxing……

Mike

September 06, 2024, 12:44 PM

Tuckerrnr1

I can only speak for myself, if you ever want someone to just chat with, I am here.

September 06, 2024, 01:57 PM

Ironmike57

Hammertime57@gmail.com if you don't want to clog this thread.

quote:
Originally posted by Tuckerrnr1:
I can only speak for myself, if you ever want someone to just chat with, I am here.

September 06, 2024, 07:48 PM

AITG

quote:
Originally posted by Ironmike57:
Gentlemen, thank you for the wonderful insights.

I took the ring off yesterday and tethered it to Meredith’s.
I am also in the camp that cannot endure this kind of pain again. I will find a friend.
The last 8 months have been a living HELL.
The “NEW NORMAL” sucks.

Off to my first back waxing……

Mike

There's a Jimmy Buffet song "He went to Paris". The last line is "some of it's magic and some of it's tragic but I've had a good life all the way". Give it a listen. In time, you'll be grateful that you were there for her. And you'll probably think "I could have done XYZ better". It's OK, you're human. And probably physically and emotionally exhausted most of the time. What matters is you were there.

I believe God has a plan for you and He's not done with you yet.

September 06, 2024, 08:46 PM

Ironmike57

Man, you are dead balls on. I am grateful. We were there for each other for 30 years. Still working 70-80 hours a week at 67. Exhausted. I hope that HIS plan is a good one.

I still have the SIG football pool and a steel challenge, once a month, to look forward to!

quote:
Originally posted by AITG:
quote:
Originally posted by Ironmike57:
Gentlemen, thank you for the wonderful insights.

I took the ring off yesterday and tethered it to Meredith’s.
I am also in the camp that cannot endure this kind of pain again. I will find a friend.
The last 8 months have been a living HELL.
The “NEW NORMAL” sucks.

Off to my first back waxing……

Mike

There's a Jimmy Buffet song "He went to Paris". The last line is "some of it's magic and some of it's tragic but I've had a good life all the way". Give it a listen. In time, you'll be grateful that you were there for her. And you'll probably think "I could have done XYZ better". It's OK, you're human. And probably physically and emotionally exhausted most of the time. What matters is you were there.

I believe God has a plan for you and He's not done with you yet.

September 07, 2024, 02:27 AM

honestlou

quote:
Originally posted by Ironmike57:
I am grateful. We were there for each other for 30 years. Still working 70-80 hours a week at 67. Exhausted. I hope that HIS plan is a good one.

I am sorry for your loss. I am not in your position, so can only imagine. But I will say that at 67 you could have another 30 minutes on this earth, or another 30 years. Do what feels right to you, but I strongly think that moving forward with your life in no way disrespects the life and love you had with your wife.

September 07, 2024, 05:10 AM

Ironmike57

Thank you. I just booked a fishing trip to the Finger Lakes region for the first week of October. A family reunion type trip.

I forgot to mention that I play at least 20 years younger! Mere would still say “Mikey, you are still 13!” She also put me on a diet before she left. I have now lost 42 pounds with a target of 8 more to go!

quote:
Originally posted by honestlou:
quote:
Originally posted by Ironmike57:
I am grateful. We were there for each other for 30 years. Still working 70-80 hours a week at 67. Exhausted. I hope that HIS plan is a good one.

I am sorry for your loss. I am not in your position, so can only imagine. But I will say that at 67 you could have another 30 minutes on this earth, or another 30 years. Do what feels right to you, but I strongly think that moving forward with your life in no way disrespects the life and love you had with your wife.

September 07, 2024, 12:09 PM

sjtill

Mike, I'm very sorry for your loss. I'm glad you could find some comfort and advice here.

My wife and I have been married for 55 years. At age 31 I lost my wedding ring, so went without until about 2012, I think. We had had very wide bands. We took my wife's ring to a jeweler in Maui. He cut down her ring and made two rings, put the same inscription of our wedding date and initials on the new ring, made it to fit my hand, and we now each have a ring made from her original ring. I guess I mention this just to confirm how very sentimental we can get about that physical object and its meaning.

God bless you and grant you a long and happy life...and not a lonely one.

September 07, 2024, 01:01 PM

Ironmike57

Thank you.
My sister actually checks in this thread from time to time. She is amazed by the amount of love and inspiration that could be found on a "gun forum."

quote:
Originally posted by sjtill:
Mike, I'm very sorry for your loss. I'm glad you could find some comfort and advice here.

My wife and I have been married for 55 years. At age 31 I lost my wedding ring, so went without until about 2012, I think. We had had very wide bands. We took my wife's ring to a jeweler in Maui. He cut down her ring and made two rings, put the same inscription of our wedding date and initials on the new ring, made it to fit my hand, and we now each have a ring made from her original ring. I guess I mention this just to confirm how very sentimental we can get about that physical object and its meaning.

God bless you and grant you a long and happy life...and not a lonely one.