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| Jack of All Trades, Master of Nothing  |
When the triage reports includes the words; brought in by police, naked, and duct tape, you know it's going to be an interesting night... My daughter can deflate your daughter's soccer ball. | ||
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| Eating elephants one bite at a time  |
Brazillian waxing gone bad? | |||
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Member |
"Gerbil Rocket" - ER Urban Legend from 1998 "In retrospect, lighting the match was my big mistake. But I was only trying to save the gerbil," Eric Tomaszewski told the bemused doctors in the Severe Burns Unit of Salt Lake City Hospital. Tomaszewski and his homosexual partner, Andrew "Kiki" Farnum, had been admitted for emergency treatment after a felching session had gone seriously wrong. "I pushed a cardboard toilet paper tube up his rectum and slipped Ragout, our gerbil, in," he explained. "As usual, Kiki shouted out 'Armageddon,' my cue that he'd had reached nirvana, so to speak. I tried to retrieve Raggot but he simply would not come out, so I peered into the tube and struck a match, thinking the light might attract him." At a hushed press conference, a hospital spokesman desribed what happened next. "The match ignited a pocket of intestinal methane gas in Kiki's colon. Flames shot out the tube, ignited Mr. Tomaszewski's hair and severely burning his face. It also set fire to the gerbil's fur and whiskers, causing it to scurry further up Kiki's colon, which in turn ignited a larger pocket of gas further up the intestine, propelling the rodent out of the cardboard tube like a cannonball." Tomaszewski suffered second degree burns and a broken nose from the impact of the gerbil, while Farnum suffered first and second degree burns to his anus and lower intestinal tract. Sadly, Ragout the gerbil did not survive the incident. --------------------- I heard a recording of this being read on the "John Boy and Billy" show and laughed so hard I nearly wet my pants... --------------------------------------- It's like my brain's a tree and you're those little cookie elves. | |||
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| Member |
Jimbo Jones, that like to kill me. I'm crying over here....OMG. I reminded me of a story an old girlfriend's mother, which was an ER nurse at a busy, ER/trauma hospital. Two guys, vaccum cleaner, coke bottle and ben-gay cream. ARman | |||
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Political Cynic |
That’s the best giggle I’ve had all day. Thanks | |||
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| Member |
You haven't lived until you have "delivered" a 3-cell flashlight out of a guy's rectum!!! | |||
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| As Extraordinary as Everyone Else  |
That was F%$#%6n hilarious! ------------------ Eddie Our Founding Fathers were men who understood that the right thing is not necessarily the written thing. -kkina | |||
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I'm Different! |
Turkey baster. Was so far in the patient had to go to the OR. Another was a resident who was doing a rectal exam on a patient who then had explosive diarrhea. Left a resident shaped silhouette on the wall. “Agnostic, gun owning, conservative, college educated hillbilly” | |||
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Void Where Prohibited |
Years ago we had a guy come into our ER with an incandescent light bulb stuck in his rectum. I have no idea how they removed it. "If Gun Control worked, Chicago would look like Mayberry, not Thunderdome" - Cam Edwards | |||
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Funny Man |
Damn near kill 'em? ______________________________ “I'd like to know why well-educated idiots keep apologizing for lazy and complaining people who think the world owes them a living.” ― John Wayne | |||
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Washing machine whisperer |
I just deliver them there. What you all do afterwords is between you and the patient  __________________________ Writing the next chapter that I've been looking forward to. | |||
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Get Off My Lawn |
I would post "duct tape bikinis" pics, but that would be in poor taste, yes? "I’m not going to read Time Magazine, I’m not going to read Newsweek, I’m not going to read any of these magazines; I mean, because they have too much to lose by printing the truth"- Bob Dylan, 1965 | |||
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| Something wild is loose  |
"Frog bite" and "hatchet in head" were my individual best.... "And gentlemen in England now abed, shall think themselves accursed they were not here, and hold their manhoods cheap whiles any speaks that fought with us upon Saint Crispin's Day" | |||
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| Member |
My mind worked too hard on that one!!! Please don't do it again!!!!! _________________________________________________ "Once abolish the God, and the Government becomes the God." --- G.K. Chesterton | |||
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Dinosaur |
You mean you don’t them at least twice a week where you are?  | |||
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Fly High, A.J. |
An old punchline: "I don't want you to get it out, I just want you to replace the batteries." | |||
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| Member |
Very carefully in the OR......been there, done that!! | |||
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Go Vols! |
Cut out or some form of expansion device used? | |||
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| That rug really tied the room together. |
How about a jar of peanut butter? No, not the little one. The massive one... ______________________________________________________ Often times a very small man can cast a very large shadow | |||
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A Grateful American |
How many surgeons does it take to change a lightbulb...? "the meaning of life, is to give life meaning" ✡ Ani Yehudi אני יהודי Le'olam lo shuv לעולם לא שוב! | |||
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