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Friday Night in the ER

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April 11, 2020, 10:49 AM
2000Z-71
Friday Night in the ER
When the triage reports includes the words; brought in by police, naked, and duct tape, you know it's going to be an interesting night...




My daughter can deflate your daughter's soccer ball.
April 11, 2020, 10:52 AM
ffips
Brazillian waxing gone bad?
April 11, 2020, 11:39 AM
Jimbo Jones
"Gerbil Rocket" - ER Urban Legend from 1998

"In retrospect, lighting the match was my big mistake. But I was only trying to save the gerbil," Eric Tomaszewski told the bemused doctors in the Severe Burns Unit of Salt Lake City Hospital. Tomaszewski and his homosexual partner, Andrew "Kiki" Farnum, had been admitted for emergency treatment after a felching session had gone seriously wrong.
"I pushed a cardboard toilet paper tube up his rectum and slipped Ragout, our gerbil, in," he explained. "As usual, Kiki shouted out 'Armageddon,' my cue that he'd had reached nirvana, so to speak. I tried to retrieve Raggot but he simply would not come out, so I peered into the tube and struck a match, thinking the light might attract him."

At a hushed press conference, a hospital spokesman desribed what happened next.

"The match ignited a pocket of intestinal methane gas in Kiki's colon. Flames shot out the tube, ignited Mr. Tomaszewski's hair and severely burning his face. It also set fire to the gerbil's fur and whiskers, causing it to scurry further up Kiki's colon, which in turn ignited a larger pocket of gas further up the intestine, propelling the rodent out of the cardboard tube like a cannonball."

Tomaszewski suffered second degree burns and a broken nose from the impact of the gerbil, while Farnum suffered first and second degree burns to his anus and lower intestinal tract.

Sadly, Ragout the gerbil did not survive the incident.

---------------------

I heard a recording of this being read on the "John Boy and Billy" show and laughed so hard I nearly wet my pants...


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It's like my brain's a tree and you're those little cookie elves.
April 11, 2020, 02:51 PM
ARman
Jimbo Jones, that like to kill me. I'm crying over here....OMG.

I reminded me of a story an old girlfriend's mother, which was an ER nurse at a busy, ER/trauma hospital.

Two guys, vaccum cleaner, coke bottle and ben-gay cream.



ARman
April 11, 2020, 03:21 PM
nhtagmember
That’s the best giggle I’ve had all day. Thanks
April 11, 2020, 04:18 PM
GT-40DOC
You haven't lived until you have "delivered" a 3-cell flashlight out of a guy's rectum!!!
April 11, 2020, 04:20 PM
smlsig
That was F%$#%6n hilarious!


------------------
Eddie

Our Founding Fathers were men who understood that the right thing is not necessarily the written thing. -kkina
April 11, 2020, 05:23 PM
mrbill345
quote:
Originally posted by nhtagmember:
That’s the best giggle I’ve had all day. Thanks


Turkey baster. Was so far in the patient had to go to the OR.

Another was a resident who was doing a rectal exam on a patient who then had explosive diarrhea. Left a resident shaped silhouette on the wall.



“Agnostic, gun owning, conservative, college educated hillbilly”
April 11, 2020, 07:53 PM
WaterburyBob
quote:
Originally posted by GT-40DOC:
You haven't lived until you have "delivered" a 3-cell flashlight out of a guy's rectum!!!

Years ago we had a guy come into our ER with an incandescent light bulb stuck in his rectum. I have no idea how they removed it.



"If Gun Control worked, Chicago would look like Mayberry, not Thunderdome" - Cam Edwards
April 11, 2020, 07:57 PM
TXJIM
quote:
Originally posted by GT-40DOC:
You haven't lived until you have "delivered" a 3-cell flashlight out of a guy's rectum!!!


Damn near kill 'em?


______________________________
“I'd like to know why well-educated idiots keep apologizing for lazy and complaining people who think the world owes them a living.”
― John Wayne
April 11, 2020, 08:00 PM
Appliance Brad
I just deliver them there. What you all do afterwords is between you and the patient Wink


__________________________
Writing the next chapter that I've been looking forward to.
April 11, 2020, 08:00 PM
oddball
quote:
Originally posted by 2000Z-71:
naked, and duct tape,


I would post "duct tape bikinis" pics, but that would be in poor taste, yes?



"I’m not going to read Time Magazine, I’m not going to read Newsweek, I’m not going to read any of these magazines; I mean, because they have too much to lose by printing the truth"- Bob Dylan, 1965
April 11, 2020, 08:06 PM
Doc H.
"Frog bite" and "hatchet in head" were my individual best....



"And gentlemen in England now abed, shall think themselves accursed they were not here, and hold their manhoods cheap whiles any speaks that fought with us upon Saint Crispin's Day"
April 11, 2020, 08:20 PM
wreckdiver
My mind worked too hard on that one!!!

Please don't do it again!!!!!


_________________________________________________

"Once abolish the God, and the Government becomes the God." --- G.K. Chesterton
April 11, 2020, 10:51 PM
P210
You mean you don’t them at least twice a week where you are? Smile
April 12, 2020, 06:49 AM
tk13
An old punchline:

"I don't want you to get it out, I just want you to replace the batteries."
April 12, 2020, 06:18 PM
GT-40DOC
quote:
Originally posted by WaterburyBob:
quote:
Originally posted by GT-40DOC:
You haven't lived until you have "delivered" a 3-cell flashlight out of a guy's rectum!!!

Years ago we had a guy come into our ER with an incandescent light bulb stuck in his rectum. I have no idea how they removed it.



Very carefully in the OR......been there, done that!!
April 12, 2020, 06:30 PM
Oz_Shadow
quote:
Originally posted by GT-40DOC:
quote:
Originally posted by WaterburyBob:
quote:
Originally posted by GT-40DOC:
You haven't lived until you have "delivered" a 3-cell flashlight out of a guy's rectum!!!

Years ago we had a guy come into our ER with an incandescent light bulb stuck in his rectum. I have no idea how they removed it.



Very carefully in the OR......been there, done that!!


Cut out or some form of expansion device used?
April 12, 2020, 10:40 PM
bubbatime
quote:
Originally posted by GT-40DOC:
You haven't lived until you have "delivered" a 3-cell flashlight out of a guy's rectum!!!


How about a jar of peanut butter? No, not the little one. The massive one...


______________________________________________________
Often times a very small man can cast a very large shadow
April 12, 2020, 11:04 PM
sigmonkey
quote:
Originally posted by WaterburyBob:...
Years ago we had a guy come into our ER with an incandescent light bulb stuck in his rectum. I have no idea how they removed it.


How many surgeons does it take to change a lightbulb...?




"the meaning of life, is to give life meaning" Ani Yehudi אני יהודי Le'olam lo shuv לעולם לא שוב!