My wife and I have 3 boys, 4.5, 3 and 1.5 years old. We're very concerned with preparing them for life. My brothers daughter recently dropped out of an excellent University that her parents were completely paying for because she just couldn't handle lofe on her "own" at college. Her anxiety was off the charts and just couldn't deal with basic life problems. My wife's half-sister just graduated high school and is severely depressed, constantly threatening suicide and shuts down if anybody in the room says something that she disagrees with. I don't completely blame the parents both are very successful, I think they were trying to do what they felt was right.

Those are just a couple of close to home examples that are very concerning to us. We've been reading a very interesting book called; "iGen: Why Today's Super-Connected Kids Are Growing Up Less Rebellious, More Tolerant, Less Happy--and Completely Unprepared for Adulthood--and What That Means for the Rest of Us."

https://www.amazon.com/iGen-Su...lthood/dp/1501151983

I think the connections between social media use and depression/social anxiety are very interesting.

So my question to you all is; what do you feel you have done well to prepare your kids for life?

Thanks

Full disclosure: I don’t have children.

IMO you have to let them fail. Let them make mistakes and suffer the consequences. Be firm but fair with discipline and let them know they are loved. Give them an example to live by and hope for the best. Some kids will turn out great regardless the parenting and some will be scumbags. Hope your children turn out for the best!

Link to original video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BkAlr90k23Y

A parent gives life, but can’t live it for the child.

The kids need to make their own mistakes, be independent. While an infant, parents control everything. As the kid gets older, this control gradually abates, evolves into mere influence, if you are lucky.

It is hard to watch your kid struggle sometimes, and you sure want to avoid disaster, but the more they handle things on their own, the better off they are.

My sons are 43 and 45, both married to someone of the other sex, both working, neither has been in jail as far as I know.... so far, so good.

There is nothing you can tell them that is as powerful as the example you set.

I have 3 kids all under 10. I realize my answer may seem just too simple for some people, but the things I'm listing below form a big part of what my wife and I do as parents.

1) We teach our kids about Christ, we go to church and we pray together.

2) We teach our kids what it means to work with their hands and to earn money/rewards.

3) We send our kids to a Christian School.

4) We provide them with books telling stories about self-reliance, hard work & good values. For example the "I Survived" series, Hardy Boys and Nancy Drew, The Little House series, etc. I also do my best to weed out the ridiculous books that show up from time to time that have transgender/we're all one big global family/air-headed prog shit in them.

5) We teach them to shoot rifles, pistols, and bows. And we teach them to hunt.

6) We roll BJJ

I don't have any illusion that we are perfect parents. And what resonates with one of my kids does not always work with another, so we are constantly growing as parents as our kids grow and change. We love them and we are doing our best to give them a solid foundation. But ultimately they will leave home and what they do from there will be up to them.

Lol ...boys ? Lol.
Plan A ....Keep them alive until they grow up and leave home.
There is no way to insure what life will be like TO them.
My biggest problem in my life was self confidence. So I think doing all that can be done to teach "all will be ok if ya let it roll off and get on to the other task at hand".
But in no way does a plan actually happen ...
So back to plan A.

One thing I might add is having them learn the value of work. So many kids these days do not work. If kids work a variety of jobs between say 15 and college graduation, they learn that money needs to be earned and they also learn how to deal with a variety of people and personality types. It also keeps them out of trouble during summers off. This is very valuable experience when they start looking for a career job.

Don't be afraid to bend a knee and pray, teach your children about Christ, and how to pray on their own

Do not give your kids everything - make them earn those things they "want"

Let your children make a mistake - as long as it doesn't leave a permanent scar, learning what "that will hurt" means is not always bad.

Let them learn how to do things on their own.

ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS make time for them. If they're in sports, theater, music classes - ALWAYS be there for them. Ensure your absence is NOT the norm

Do something with each of them on an individual basis. For example; my eldest daughter swam and played water polo - I went into the water and taught her how to swim and play, my middle daughter and I share the same day birthday - every year we go out for dinner together, just her and I, my son and I hunt together.

Have open and frank talks with your children. My wife does it with her kids. Sometimes I am blown away about how open the conversations are. The three of them (wife and my step-children) are very close and very honest with each other.

Be the parent you wish you had and if had the best parents in the world, be better.

ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS be there for your kids. (need this be repeated a third time? )

My wife and I raised one son who is in college and he turned out to be a fine young man. We simply taught him basic stuff and kept at him. Seriously, just basic kindergarten rules that apply to the rest of his life.

The 7 Kindergarten Golden Rules

1. Listen when others are talking.
2. Follow directions.
3. Work quietly and do not disturb others.
4. Show respect for school and personal property. 5. Keep hands, feet and objects to self.
6. Work and play in a safe manner.
7. No running in the hallway.

The only thing I'd add to Yanert's advice is to put your kids in a sport. Let them learn to understand that success takes work. You can't show up on game day and be the best.

Doesn't matter if they're good at it or not. If they won't be the best then they learn that life isn't all participation trophies. But make them stay in the sport they like best, it's also about fitness, sportsmanship, being part of a team, supporting your friends, and building great relationships.

And don't be afraid to apply situations to life lessons. I sit my kids down quite a bit and talk about how what they are experiencing now applies to life.

(1) Give them an organization / framework to exist in. They crave structure and it helps them become a member of the family. This begins day one. From baby sleeping schedules, to room organization, courtesy on when to speak, to chores as they get older, etc.

(2) Follow through - on everything. If you make a rule, enforce the rule. To me this is the achilles heel of parenting. So many people say this or that for their kids - be it boundaries, rules, discipline, or punishment - then utterly fail to follow through. Because it is hard to correct, discipline, and punish your children. You don't need to be a tyrant, but if you set a rule, enforce the rule. Otherwise they will not respect your rules, because you never follow through on a punishment anyway.

(3) Create a positive environment for learning, education, and understanding. So many kids do well until it is no longer cool to be smart (peer pressure). Make it fun - tell them about your job, show them how to cook, clean, build, create - all while injecting science - education into things.

(4) Let your children make decisions and let them fail. Failure is a great motivator. If you teen fails to prepare for a project and is scrambling at 11pm the night beforehand, give them a bit of help the first time and explain their mistake. When they do it a second time, go to bed early and let them fail. If you always catch them before they fall, they won't learn how to not fall in the first place.

(5) You can't build Rome in a day. It's a marathon, not a sprint. If you can teach your kid 1-3 things a day (tops), they'll be geniuses. And some days you'll fall short. But as a parent, pick yourself back up and get back on the horse.

It seems to have worked for my kids. 1 has a full tuition scholarship and will finish undergrad in 3 years, since he did 1 year as a Senior in HS. The others are in all advanced classes and know that their brain is their most valuable asset.

Good luck!

PS - it us understood that you'll love, care, and provide for your children's basic needs. That is actually the easy part.

Teach your kids how to be responsible for their actions.
Teach them how to handle money.
Teach them to work.

When my kids were about 16 or so they wanted to drive. We decided no problem, but you must be able to afford the insurance, fuel, repairs, etc... The kids got part time jobs and managed to figure this part out. Then we shifted more of the burden of clothes and school supplies on to them. Again, they began to figure out what the priorities were for their money.

With college, my wife and I paid tuition, room and board, the kids were responsible for books, fees, transportation and spending money. Again, they worked and figured out what was important and what was not.

We had many other parents tell us we were too hard on the kids, but they both graduated with better than 3.5 GPAs and had jobs when they graduated. They also had no student loans or debts.

The youngest is now 30, neither has moved back home, they have continually been employed and supporting themselves. I consider asking them for loans from time to time.

Be honest with them. You can tell them anything, but it is what they observe you doing on a daily basis that will "teach" them how to live life.

"Apple doesn't fall far from the tree" is a very true statement.

Some great advice in here. One of the biggest issues I see with parents today is that they do way to much for their kids. Then once they don’t have that safety net at their immediate disposal they have major problems.

I think I told the story here but my wife was going to interview a young man for his first job AFTER college and he wanted to have his parents sit in for the interview. He got a big no thanks.

A lot of good advice in this thread. Not much I can add. My three kids are aged 36, 38 & 41. All independent and successful in their careers. Believe it or not, my wife and I found a bunch of child-rearing wisdom in fiction we read several years before we started having kids. The book is entitled Time Enough for Love by Robert Heinlein. We actually applied much of (protagonist) Lazarus Long's advice in our child raising efforts.

quote:

Originally posted by Leemur:
Full disclosure: I don’t have children.

IMO you have to let them fail. Let them make mistakes and suffer the consequences. Be firm but fair with discipline and let them know they are loved. Give them an example to live by and hope for the best. Some kids will turn out great regardless the parenting and some will be scumbags. Hope your children turn out for the best!

I agree with this and also feel that kids need responsibilities growing up. They need to have things they need to do. I also think High School kids should be required to work at jobs, it gives them a sense of responsibility, working for someone else, and helps them decide which aspects of a job they like and don't like. The problem these days is parents pay people to do jobs around the house, kids used to have to do (cut the grass, clean the house, etc.) and they have no responsibilities or work ethic to prepare them for the real world. You also have to let them fail. I was very spoiled early in my life but had lots of work required too (maintaining the exterior of the house). But then by 14 I had to make my own spending money and got a job. I mostly pissed away the money on toys, but there was a real sense of accomplishment to make the money to go buy the toy I wanted (scooter, etc.) and it was mine.

We just had our first kid, a boy, and it's my goal to make sure he is a well mannered, polite, intelligent man's man with character and integrity.

One thing that helped me in so many areas of life is that my dad taught me how to work with my hands. It does instill a certain confidence in a person, compared to the many snowflakes out there that can't even change a tire.

Watching and helping my dad as he did auto work and all kinds of home projects stuck with me.

When I was laid off from my cushy pharma job, I had to pick up some extra work doing demo for a construction company. Some people would think that's below them, or just not want to do such work, but when shit happens in life and you need to feed the family, you do what you need to do even if it's "below" you.

I'm a suit and tie guy everyday, but I know I can pretty much do anything hands on in regards to auto/car/carpentry/plumbing etc...and if I don't know something, I learn it.

Also, try and get the boys interested in the outdoors...camping, hunting, hiking. Doing these things also instill a certain amount of confidence and self-reliance.

And try to instill in them a love of reading books as well as physical exercise.

Had a similar moment, with the niece and nephew at work. (A commercial food processing facility, though after we were pretty well done for the day.)

I want them to learn the facility, and, if they chose to carry it on, love what we do there... But it's not "kid friendly" - which is why they like it. Compared to the pablum of the child-safe stuff, it must be fascinating.

quote:

Originally posted by ohioup:
A lot of good advice in this thread. Not much I can add. My three kids are aged 36, 38 & 41. All independent and successful in their careers. Believe it or not, my wife and I found a bunch of child-rearing wisdom in fiction we read several years before we started having kids. The book is entitled Time Enough for Love by Robert Heinlein. We actually applied much of (protagonist) Lazarus Long's advice in our child raising efforts.

I'm also a huge Heinlein fan. As a relatively new parent, I'm constantly amazed how much of his work has stuck with me and is coming out as I teach my kids. I get a huge kick hearing my 6yr old say "Specialization is for Bugs!"