Echoing others here. Teach them to earn money. My boys mowed yards until they were 16 and got part time jobs. They were both active in scouting so they spent time away from home without mom or dad around. And sometimes I would take them to a part of town where the living just wasn't that good. I explained to them that most likely these people didn't do their school work and don't make much effort to work. If you want a nicer lifestyle there's a price to pay. And you have to earn it.

This:

The children's late father had taught the girl and her siblings how to shoot and safely handle guns, allowing her to effectively use the single-action Colt .45-caliber revolver that had to be cocked between shots, said District Attorney Ted Bell.

"The late father had taught the children how to shoot," Bell said in a phone interview.

They can serve your kids fries on the way to a skiing trip. That way they can stay original.

I’d let them fall flat on their asses (no offense). I started taking care of myself at 5 and have worked full time since I was 10. No I didn’t walk to school 10 miles in snow or walk barefoot but I learned early on, life isn’t fair, never will be, and the only luck you get is through what you create through hard fucking work. I learned early on that I didn’t want anything from anyone as it always came with requirements. Do it on your own you owe nobody nothing, don’t have to answer to anyone, self sufficient. I didn’t have to ask anyone about purchasing this or that, where I was living, zero, because everything was paid by me. Parents have cuddled these people too long and that doesn’t teach anyone anything. I’ve had parents, with unruly, underachieving kids ask me for help and that’s what I tell them. Make the kids get a job, quit paying for their phones, consoles, laptops, clothes and food that’s it. Hard knocks. That and if I had a smart kid I’d push them to drop out of high school at 16, get a GED and start junior college at 16. Associates at 18, Bachelors at 20, 2 years ahead of anyone else their own age. And a Masters at 22 if so motivated. There is no better teacher at life than work. Self sufficiency, self motivation, is the difference maker.

I raised myself, a much more difficult job raising yourself as a kid compared to a grown adult raising a child. Sadly, children need to be forced to start being adults as teenagers. Give them their elementary years to F off and be kids. Junior high age, starting cutting the neighbor’s grass, some small time type work, let them keep and spend the money on their hobbies, then at 15, time for a part time job. At ten I threw newspapers, sold same paper door to door (subscriptions), at 13 I lied about my age and got a job washing dishes, then busboy, then host, then waiter. You learn a whole lot cleaning up after people, serving them, and being their bitch. It teaches you to hustle, work harder so you don’t have to do bottom rung work the rest of your life.

And yes social media is a major cause of this depression and anxiety. Used to competing was just in person, with clothes, or the car you drove. Now it’s your online media presence on 4 different applications. Stupid. And I still think all those apps are stupid today and have never joined them. What for? Kids are the most marketed to people on the planet, and they need to be taught about that, marketing, and advertising evils, etc, early on. They need to be taught how to see through it, that it is all bs, and designed like designer drugs to get you to be someone you aren’t and to get money out of you wallet. You don’t need the latest phone or whatever else. You need to figure out yourself, what kind of work you can tolerate, and find things in life you love, and focus on those outside of work. And most importantly, like a channel on the tv, turn off the bs that won’t make you money, make you happier, or help you. Happiest people I know, go to work and earn money doing something they can tolerate which enables doing what they truly love. Shooting guns, surfing, riding motorcycles, skiing, hunting, snowboarding, riding horses, traveling the world, car collecting. So many things to find a passion in that makes you truly happy. To get there you have to learn to shit off all the noise, and quit worrying about what the herd is doing. Do you, fuck everyone else outside your family and friends. They are in the Matrix for life and unless you take that pill, you will be to. Nobody believes in your dreams like you do. Successful people make a goal(s), stick to them, and hell or high water anything getting in the way. The extremes need to fall hard on their ass and their tune will change. They will never change getting coddled. Kick them out, let them live on the streets, whatever necessary. I had several times I had no where to live, didn’t have money for food. Those extremes taught me to bust my ass.

I raised a son. His Mother and I divorced when he was young. As it stands now, I think he turned out to be a better man than I am.
And I am glad for that.
The only advice I can offer you is this:
Watch the kid and correct him when he does wrong.
Watch his friends, especially when school starts. This is when he begins to be in contact with bad actors outside the family.
Be very clear about right and wrong situations.
Lead by example. The kid is watching.
Teach him life can be unfair and owes him nothing he does not work for.
Teach him that sometimes failure and mistakes happen. Learn from them and move on.
Teach him that victimizing others is wrong.
Teach him to defend himself if need arises.
When he reaches the age of 16, tell him in no uncertain terms that now is the time he needs to prepare a future, on his own.
Help him with managing money.
Give him the best possible advice on handling the opposite sex.
Kids don't come with an owners manual. My greatest achievement as a parent was getting him through High School. HS was a minefield of sex, dope, booze, bullying and peer pressure.
Bottom line: Parenting is a full time job.

I am an expert by no means. I have a 25 year old step-son and an 18 year old son. The 25 year old is gainfully employed making a nice living. The 18 year old just started college.

We spent their whole lives teaching them Oddball's golden rules. They work.

The biggest challenge was telling them no. When we were younger and just married, we were strapped for cash so over spending on the kids was difficult. As life progressed, we made more money and it became easier to fulfill the wants of the kids. It is very difficult to be able to provide what ever your child wants and know that just because you can doesn't mean you should. Perfect example came with our youngest. For about 2 years, every time we went to Target, Walmart, etc my son wanted a Lego. He never wanted the expensive ones just the $5-$10 Lego. It was easy to get it for him and make him happy. Unfortunately, our mistake was that he learned that every time he went to the store, he got a Lego. It was a terrible president to set. It took quite a while to correct our error and teach him that he had to earn the Lego money himself.

Make sure there is no doubt in their mind that you love them. AND be a complete pain in their ass.

My favorite questions that I required answers to before they could leave the house:

Where are you going? All the places not just the first.
Who will you be with? All the kids not just the ones I like.
What time will you be home?
Who is driving?
If you are going to a friend's house, their parents must be home? Yes, I will check on occasion.
And if any of those plans change, I want a text or phone call immediately.

When they get a phone, make sure they understand that they have a phone for your convenience only. If they don't answer when called or don't reply to texts, they might as well not have one. I pay the bill - it is my phone.

Some good responses, one I may have missed is "Be honest"....I am talking about when they asked a question tell them the truth

examples
"yes, there are bad people out there"

"yes, you have to kill animals to eat"

"No, we cannot pay for everyone" My older sons came back after their first checks..."WTH Dad...So now I am paying for people too"

"Mommy and Daddy are not made of money"

"Sometimes some people just need a pop in the nose"

"Yes, Santa Claus does exist"

Stress honestly, with my 6yo the punishment is far worst if he lies, in fact there are times he gets out of a real punishment besides a stern talking to if he is up front.

Also on the safety side, please teach them basic home fire safety and how to swim. Also how to dial 911. Fighting and shooting is cool but the above items will save their life.


And last, enjoy them....have fun when you can and hug them lots

This message has been edited. Last edited by: dewhorse,

Basic instruction helps. I taught my kids to cook basic meals, iron, do laundry, use cleaning equipment, diagnosis basic car problems, maintain a car, change a tire, how to shoot, how to reload, how to use various tools, how to use a checkbook, how to invest, how to shop for and purchase major items. I pretty much covered the basic life courses we were given for teaching foster children to become independent (we fostered as well.) It's surprising how well your kids can do when they have the basic tools.

I made it clear that my job as a parent was to prepare them for going out on their own and they needed to deal with life on it’s terms because the rest of the world wasn’t going to adapt to theirs.

Don't just give them stuff! Sheesh - I am amazed at what parents are doing today. I even heard one parent say, "My parents never gave me anything, so I gave my son everything. And now? He doesn't have any gratitude for anything!" Of course he doesn't! He has no idea the value of a dollar, much less the managing capabilities of money. It has always come to him so easily - just like air! How many of us are grateful for air? Only those who have breathing problems.

Give your boys opportunities to EARN money so that they can purchase the things they want with the money they EARNED. But, never just give them things - for their sakes.