Honor your father and your mother ...

May 13, 2024, 09:02 PM

darthfuster

My mother did some truly horrible things to my sister and me. She has spent most, if not all, of her over nine decades being selfish. In fact, she has only become more so as she ages and returns to a child-like state. I didn’t recognize how awful she was until I had my own children and realized what I’d have to be to do to them what was done to me. Over time I learned the true nature of forgiveness and though she never changed, I came to understand she’s a product of her formative years. That said, I honor her motherhood and this year, helped my Alzheimer’s afflicted dad give her his traditional obsequious Mother’s Day dinner and ceremony. She gave me life. I can ignore the rest of it.

May 14, 2024, 01:21 AM

selogic

I put some fresh flowers on my Mom's grave . That's what you're supposed to do for Mother's Day . Except that I did it today . I have no happy memories of my Mom . Nobody does . You can't go back and change anything , you just accept it and move on .

May 14, 2024, 09:50 AM

Imabmwnut

We don’t pick our families. We pick our friends.

May 14, 2024, 02:09 PM

patw

My mother lives with my family now and eventually my wife's mother will come and live with us as well. Dealing with issues for a day or even a week is one thing but constantly, makes it difficult. I do love them both but sometimes you can go nuts.

May 14, 2024, 02:44 PM

mark123

quote:
Originally posted by patw:
My mother lives with my family now and eventually my wife's mother will come and live with us as well. Dealing with issues for a day or even a week is one thing but constantly, makes it difficult. I do love them both but sometimes you can go nuts.

When my dad split on mom, she came to live with me. 13 years I gave her a place to live and she thanked me by trying to make sure that Shirl didn't want to marry me. She'd say things to Shirl when I wasn't around. Fortunately, I had financial records and other evidence that proved it all wrong. Mom stayed with us after we got married for about a year until I just couldn't do it any more. She'd interfere in the relationship and insert herself into situations that weren't her business and she'd just always be there with no reprieve. We found her a small apartment and moved her out right quick and the house just became peaceful.

She's convinced that none of it ever happened but once when we were cleaning out old paperwork, Shirl came across my checkbook duplicates and I heard her grumbling something like "I almost believed her. grrr." Apparently, my mom had told her that she paid for the house and it was hers and she controls who comes and goes. The payment records showed the actual truth and I'm glad it all came to light because there were other things she told Shirl that I could also disprove and since it came up, I was able to. Well, remembering all this isn't helping me to forgive and I'm sure it's not half as bad as what some of you've been through but my wife is the best thing that's ever happened in my life and it sure is hard to be kind to someone that didn't want that for me. I'm trying though.

May 14, 2024, 11:57 PM

Infidel

quote:
Originally posted by mark123:
She showed everyone what the sister bought her but left the gift that Shirl gave her at or house. Didn't even say thank you, not once.

If it were up to me, she wouldn't be welcome in my home until she apologized.

quote:
13 years I gave her a place to live and she thanked me by trying to make sure that Shirl didn't want to marry me. She'd say things to Shirl when I wasn't around.

... nor would she.

Of course, you could do as I did. Since I cut the toxic people out of my life, there aren't really that many left.

I hate offended people. They come in two flavours - huffy and whiny - and it's hard to know which is worst. The huffy ones are self-important, narcissistic authoritarians in love with the sound of their own booming disapproval, while the whiny, sparrowlike ones are so annoying and sickly and ill-equipped for life on Earth you just want to smack them round the head until they stop crying and grow up.
- Charlie Brooker

May 15, 2024, 02:41 PM

patw

quote:
Originally posted by mark123:
When my dad split on mom, she came to live with me. 13 years I gave her a place to live and she thanked me by trying to make sure that Shirl didn't want to marry me. She'd say things to Shirl when I wasn't around. Fortunately, I had financial records and other evidence that proved it all wrong. Mom stayed with us after we got married for about a year until I just couldn't do it any more. She'd interfere in the relationship and insert herself into situations that weren't her business and she'd just always be there with no reprieve. We found her a small apartment and moved her out right quick and the house just became peaceful.

She's convinced that none of it ever happened but once when we were cleaning out old paperwork, Shirl came across my checkbook duplicates and I heard her grumbling something like "I almost believed her. grrr." Apparently, my mom had told her that she paid for the house and it was hers and she controls who comes and goes. The payment records showed the actual truth and I'm glad it all came to light because there were other things she told Shirl that I could also disprove and since it came up, I was able to. Well, remembering all this isn't helping me to forgive and I'm sure it's not half as bad as what some of you've been through but my wife is the best thing that's ever happened in my life and it sure is hard to be kind to someone that didn't want that for me. I'm trying though.

I feel for you. It's not easy,especially in that situation. It's sad things like this happen with family members when trying to help them. I'll be praying for you my friend.