What everyone else said. First talk to him and nicely lay down the law of what will happen the next time it happens again, second time you have to react, don't let this behavior slide. Keep it businesslike, keep emotions and yelling out of It. First step would be to take away priveleges and/or things he holds dear, depends on the situation but for 3 days on the first offense. Second offense longer and withhold any allowance or money you give him. Third offense perhaps some manual labor chores along with all of the above.

His age has a LOT to do with it. Just set limits and roll on. Something completely unrelated to you and your wife could be setting him off a bit. We all had to work through our triggers, we just don't remember it well. Take each incident like it's own thing and once dealt with, let it go. If you want to talk to him about it do so but don't press it. Also, saying things like "What's up? You seem to be a little edgy lately, is something bothering you?" is a whole lot better than, "Hey, why you being such a smartass lately?".

He sounds like a good kid and I'd bet from your description that he doesn't really like being a smartass either, it's just coming out of him now. You'll both work through it. In my experience it goes away faster with boys than girls.

Raised a boy, and helped raise four neighborhood boys that came from troubled/broken homes. What works for one may not work for others but some things that I have observed along the way and they guided our child raising philosophy were: 1. You and wife have to be in lockstep on everything, there can be no division in your observed attitudes about child raising. You are the child's parents not his friend. 2. Your actions and how you conduct yourself speaks louder than what you say. 3. Establish boundaries and never let them cross them without consequences. 4. Don't sweat activities that occur within boundaries. 5. Give them responsibilities and reward/reinforce compliance. 6. Don't try to make them perfect in everything and allow them a little slack, especially in things that really don't matter. 7. Keep communications open. 8. Monitor their friends but don't dictate who they associate with. If they are picking friends that are potential trouble then try to steer them away but the break must be theirs. 9. Teach them the meaning of trust and increase boundaries as they show they are worthy of that trust. 10. Actions have consequences and they must understand that they will have to pay for what they do. 11. Remember, they sense and see your values and actions and the worse thing you can do is make them do as you say and not as you do.
Hope our philosophy helped. All six are grown now with families and are all upstanding citizens.

#1, stay calm and think things through before acting.

I’ve gone thru this age 2 times with 3 more to go. My standard approach is to put them in a car and go for a drive. It keeps them isolated and we can talk freely. After we talk I explain my expectations of behavior. I will also make it abundantly clear that the car, phones, club sports and such are a luxury provided by me and can be taken away at my discretion.

It’s never come to that and I’m happy with the way kids are growing up.

quote:

Originally posted by Lord Vaalic:
My son is 12 and almost 13. Usually a very nice kid. All A student, does tae kwon do, advanced classes, usually very polite.

Lately he is a nasty smart ass with a bad attitude.

I guess this is teenage behavior setting in? How do you keep from smacking the tude out of them?

Welcome to phase 2.

I got a kick out of my wife; she saw the first two go that way, and was convinced that the next two would be better. They're sweet kids, after all. Not at all like the first couple. I assured her that as teens, she could expect more of the same.

We got more of the same.

Think back to your own teen years. There's nothing new under the sun.

As a former smartass know everything punk I can tell you I was looking for boundaries. How far could I go? Think back to what you got up to at his age. What worked and didn’t work when your parents dealt with you?

quote:

Just asking him to do any type of chore and you get smart ass response or grunting, out of nowhere all of a sudden you get this surly attitude over something stupid, and I'll usually bite back and tell him to dial it back about 10 notches. He has that shitty look he will shoot me which usually gets the "boy, you had best wipe that look off your face or I will smack it off you." He mostly gets rude with his mom, which is odd because he has always been a mommas boy and my wife is no pushover, she may be harder on him than I am so it's not like he knows he can get away with it. She will cut him off at the knees if he starts getting sassy.

My son started to get that way with his mom, I don’t think he had the balls to do it to my face. We sat down and had conversation about him disrespecting his mother was a direct disrespect to my wife first and foremost. Anything you do to her is just as if it was done to me...probably worse. He did it one more time and found out how serious I was about our conversation. He apologized and righted the ship. It will get better with maturity.

Disclaimer: Don’t have kids of my own. But.....I DO remember getting ass whoopins from mother when I was well into my teens...probably as old as 14. Deserved 99% of those ass whoopins, too! Of course my parents were dumber than a sack of rocks until I turned about 30.

Teenagers is something I’ll never do again. I’m a grandfather now and just visit them.

Sounds like he is a good kid!! I would be firm fair and consistent. But stay calm and fight the urge to go to aggressive.

Your son sounds a lot like mine. I like to focus on the postives he is doing. I dont hold the being a smart ass against him. He learned it from me