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Precious little time left to spend with my dad.

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July 28, 2023, 11:36 PM
Rey HRH
Precious little time left to spend with my dad.
That's tough. I can relate to remembering my father knew everything and can do anything. Then teenage years came and thought he was just a dumb old man. Then I matured and surprisingly, he also gained in maturity and knowledge.

It was hard to see him still wanting to work and be productive but tire out easily after being physically fit all his life. I had years to prepare for his ultimate demise as he had alzheimers. I did manage to spend some precious times with him; I'd take him to the Golden Gate Park and walk around the lake. It's the one thing I remember besides the time when they visited our house, my wife and my mother went to Costco and left me to look after my dad in the house as he would wander away. They came back with me asleep in the couch and my dad looking after me. Somehow even in his Alzheimer's he felt responsible watching over me.

When he was bed bound in the nursing home and still fighting to live, my wife whispered in his ear that it's okay if he went because we were going to look after his wife and his son was well established already. He died shortly after that.



"It did not really matter what we expected from life, but rather what life expected from us. We needed to stop asking about the meaning of life, and instead to think of ourselves as those who were being questioned by life – daily and hourly. Our answer must consist not in talk and meditation, but in right action and in right conduct. Life ultimately means taking the responsibility to find the right answer to its problems and to fulfill the tasks which it constantly sets for each individual." Viktor Frankl, Man's Search for Meaning, 1946.
July 29, 2023, 12:02 AM
ruger357
Lost my dad in March. I became “that man that takes me shooting and gets barbecue”. I dont regret a second I spent with him and wish it could have been more.


-----------------------------------------

Roll Tide!

Glock Certified Armorer
NRA Certified Firearms Instructor
July 29, 2023, 12:45 AM
monoblok
Sorry about your father. My own father passed nearly five years ago under similar declining physical and cognitive health circumstances during the last few years of his life. It wasn't easy going for all of us, but we spent as much time with him as we humanly could before the end finally arrived. Most of us were thankful for that final fleeting time with him (my sister...Daddy's little girl...was the exception but that's a sad tale for another day) and were comforted that Dad was finally at peace when his time with us in body was over.


-MG
July 29, 2023, 01:10 AM
akcopnfbks
I am sorry, my friend. My Papa died 42 years ago when I was just a boy of 7, and the hole has never been filled. It's odd now, as I'm going on 20 years older that he ever made it. I have nothing to compare to, if that makes sense. I still dream about him from time to time. Cherish the memories and the time you have with your Pop.


_________________________
"Of all tyrannies, a tyranny sincerely exercised for the good of its victims may be the most oppressive. It would be better to live under robber barons than omnipotent moral busybodies" ~ C.S. Lewis

July 29, 2023, 01:24 AM
snoris
Everyone's posts have been supportive, which shows once again what a caring group we have on this forum.

My Mom died way too early at 57 in 1981 from colon cancer after stomach cancer surgery in 1976. My Dad was lost for quite a while after that. Around 2014, I could see signs that he was having memory issues, and he passed away at 92 in 2017 from dementia that had slowly eaten away at the person he had been.

I was blessed to have a number of friends to help me get through my Mom's situation when I was single, and my wife was my rock when my Dad became ill.

The comments here remind me that we are given faith and hope to get us through those parts of life that prepare us for our own final journey. Remember the good times.
July 29, 2023, 01:43 AM
armored
My Father died several years ago, I miss him everyday!
He was bigger than life, someone I know I will never be able to be.
I'm hoping to be 72 in August and can now see my own recline as years go by and can see the end coming, I think of my Dads recline and it makes my own hard to except.
I was lucky to be with my Dad when he passed in my home. He had been released from the hospital and I had him sent by ambulance to my house where I could help him along with my wife.
He was a huge Cubs fan and the night he died we were watching the Cubs win the World Series. He asked me in the 7th inning to take him to his bed. Before we went he asked me who was sitting by the fireplace, there was nobody there. He insisted there was, and finally said it was his Mother and Father. I shrugged it off.
When I got him in the bed he tolded at me to turn the over head light off, I told him I could not because I would not be able to see and had to prepare him for bed. He looked at me a proclaimed he was dieing , I told him he was not and he was still medically in decent shape for a 90 year old. He suddenly went limp, he was dead.

You will remember for the rest of your life what you did and did not do to make the passing better for them.Don't give up on being with him even though you are moving, the wrong actions on your part will haunt you forever.

I wish you both the best.
July 29, 2023, 02:00 AM
flashguy
I offer prayers for you and your dad. Watching him fail is a very difficult process, I know.

My dad sufferred severe strokes at age 65 and took 11 years to die in 1984. I was still in the Air Force when he stroked and wasn't able to be with my parents for several years--mom took care of him. They lived near me for his last few years, though. By that time he was an invalid and could barely speak. Mom carried on into the 2000s I wasn't with her for much of that time, my sister was with her.

Be with him as much as you can. And do with him as much as he is able.

flashguy




Texan by choice, not accident of birth
July 29, 2023, 03:35 AM
Bisleyblackhawk
My dad passed away in August 2016 at 90…I’m 70 and in declining health so I know my daughters will suffer the loss of me in a few years…please spend your time with your dad and cherish that time my friend…as the Moody Blues song states “Time waits for no one at all…not even you”…prayers and good thoughts to you and yours Frown


********************************************************

"we've gotta roll with the punches, learn to play all of our hunches
Making the best of what ever comes our way
Forget that blind ambition and learn to trust your intuition
Plowing straight ahead come what may
And theres a cowboy in the jungle"
Jimmy Buffet
July 29, 2023, 07:17 AM
Powers77
We are fully locked into elder care these days. Dad is soon to be 90 and 18 years into Parkinsons and the MIL is soon to be 105.
We retired into helping care for them in 2020 and its probably the hardest thing we have ever done. It's really tough seeing them decline before your eyes.
Both very active and bright people all of their life. Hell, the MIL mowed her own 2 acre yard until she was like 95 and drove until 97 or so.
Now, they just exist which again is hard to watch because you also see how it frustrates them.