Do you remember when your dad was young? When he could do anything, fix anything? I remember. That's what makes watching him age so hard. He fell off of a ladder 5 years ago, just misjudged the bottom rung and tumbled. He banged himself up pretty good. 3 years earlier he nailed three fingers to a stud while framing in the basement. Stayed that way until my mom got home and called the ambulance. Anyway, he has been in decline for the past decade. I've noticed with some alarm that his decline is seemingly exponential.

I knew this time was coming. 20 years ago I started spending more time with him. Among the things we did together is to visit model train shows. Model trains have been a hobby of his as far back I can remember. Trains to him are like guns to me. He knows everything about them and their history. So I go with him the shows and listen to his stories. It has been a source of closeness for us that now I am grateful for.

Cognitively he has gradually lost his ability to speak fluidly. He cannot say what he wants because the words are just not there. He has had to substitute the words with their primitive definition or description using words he can remember. But lately even that has not been effective. Two months ago he was diagnosed officially with Alzheimers and we had to take his keys away.

Another complicating factor is that I am moving far away. Our house is under contract. Our new place in Tennessee is under construction. Much of our stuff is in our temporary house. By Oct. 1 I will be gone. This of course means heart breaking things to me right now. It looks like my time with him is at an end. We have one last train show to attend on the 5th of Aug. It will be a greatly reduced experience from the times we used to have. I'll push his wheel chair. We'll look at the stuff. We'll visit the steam engine restoration project. He won't be able to say much. And then, that's it.

This move and retirement has been unsettling for me and my family. There are great times for us on the horizon. But what I'm having to leave........may not be worth it.

Spend time with your loved ones.

Sorry to hear, You have my sympathy. My dad has been gone 30 years in June, can't believe where the time goes.

My father 77 and in excellent physical health, but is declining mentally. He was always super razor sharp, reads all the time, rides his bicycle 150 miles a week, but he is slowing down. He had a fall during a Habitat for Humanity build and it damaged his vocal chords, which made him have to quit his barbershop chorus. Then my mom ended up in the hospital for a year due to a resistant staph infection. The resulting depression has really taken a toll on my dad. To make it worse, his driving has become very hurried and erratic, but it's awkward to ask him to let me drive when he picks us up at the airport. And then he has NPR on the radio all the time and it's infected him with Trump Derangement Syndrome, while he'd always been conservative. It's tough.

My father-in-law has gone from being slightly forgetful to getting lost in town and falling a lot within the space of less than a year. MiL took him to the doctor this morning. Looks like he’s probably had a stroke or a series of small ones. This whole aging thing can be a real shitshow. You have my sympathy.

My father died three years ago. You don't quite get over it, so spend time with him while you can.

My dad was mentally sharp, but his health failed fairly quickly. I guess that is a blessing, but . . .

Sympathies on your Dad. Someone once said you never become an adult until both of your parents are deceased. If he had lived, my Dad would be 102 tomorrow.

quote:

Originally posted by Leemur:
My father-in-law has gone from being slightly forgetful to getting lost in town and falling a lot within the space of less than a year. MiL took him to the doctor this morning. Looks like he’s probably had a stroke or a series of small ones. This whole aging thing can be a real shitshow. You have my sympathy.

Yeah I forgot about getting lost. He called me from someplace he didn't recognize and couldn't tell me how he got there. I had him pin drop his location and send it to me. I came and picked him up. My wife drove his car home. He was diagnosed with Alzheimers three days later.

I lost my dad in November of '21.

Still don't want to talk about the loss, or write about what he meant to me.

Still miss him every day.

He was the greatest man I have ever known.

Take the time, and enjoy each moment.

My Dad has always been a resilient, tough self-sufficient type. I rarely ever heard him complain, and I have literally never heard a curseword come out of his mouth. I’ve never seen him drink a drop of alcohol either.

He lived his life squatting or kneeling servicing commercial HVAC equipment in restaurants and big buildings, I still have fond memories of him taking me on trips with him in his work van into Philadelphia and surrounding areas when I was like 10-12 and off school for the summer. It was watching chefs and cooks busy at work in restaurants that got me so fascinated with that line of work and ended up with me becoming a chef.

I just stopped by to talk to him yesterday, he’s 78 now and it finally dawned on me that he’s an old man now and really starting to slow down. I’m going to take him along fishing in the fall when it’s cooler weather with my two sons, he’s always loved doing that with us.

Yes, see your Dad and talk to him if you still can because he could very well be gone tomorrow.

My Dad died from heart failure . He was getting around ok one minute and then fell out on the bedroom floor . Never regained consciousness . I said goodbye to someone that had no brain activity . Yeah , don't wait . THAT DAY can come at any moment .

quote:

Originally posted by selogic:
My Dad died from heart failure . He was getting around ok one minute and then fell out on the bedroom floor . Never regained consciousness . I said goodbye to someone that had no brain activity . Yeah , don't wait . THAT DAY can come at any moment .

Losing a parent suddenly or gradually both have challenges and sucks either way.
One day my dad was helping at a church charity event, a few days later gone. I hope he realizes what a profound influence he was on me and that he made me the man I am today.
Mom declined more slowly about 5 years later with heart and renal failure.
I got the emergency Red Cross message while on military duty for mom, raced back and got to hold her hand one last time at the end.
Neither was old by modern standards, dad left us at 73 and mom at 77

quote:

Originally posted by selogic:
My Dad died from heart failure . He was getting around ok one minute and then fell out on the bedroom floor . Never regained consciousness . I said goodbye to someone that had no brain activity . Yeah , don't wait . THAT DAY can come at any moment .

This. More or less same thing. He picked me up in '88 from college for Christmas and drove me home. That night he had a massive heart attack. I did manage to tell him that I loved him while he was awake just before the paramedics got to him. Died on the way to the hospital, three days before he was supposed to have heart valve replacement surgury that he'd been putting off for a year. Absolutely the worst day of my life, bar none. I think about him every day, especially when I see my two boys. Do not wait to tell the people you love that you love them.

One of my biggest regrets in life was not spending more time my Father. Best wishes for you and your Father.

I lost my dad a couple months after getting a new job. He wanted me to take a couple days off to go on a fishing trip on Lake MI but I told him I couldn't because I was in the probation period of this new job and didn't want to get a bad review.

He asked me again and I told him I shouldn't. His last words to me were, "I love you son".

A couple weeks after the fishing trip where my little brother did go w/ him, he had a massive stroke and was gone.

It sucks when they go suddenly and you don't have a chance to say anything.
It sucks whey they linger and you have to watch them go slowly.

I lost my father to cancer in 1994. I was 28.

One never knows when a loved one will go. It was a gift with my Dad that every time together we hugged and told each other we loved one other. While my dad went suddenly, my mother lingered. I’m not sure which empty feeling is worse. I have no doubts we’ll be together by and by but the pain remains. Myself and the wife are getting up there 72&70. And as we both worked with the dead and dying at work we are somewhat maybe more aware of our dwindling time on this plane of existence. We are well aware each day is a gift. Love, respect and knowledge of the coming separation keeps us close as each day is a time of precious togetherness.

My sympathies darth, it is not easy to watch.
Spend the time with him and let him know that he was super dad to you.
I found my father the day after Thanksgiving 98 when I was a young engaged 26 year old. I lost the opportunity to have that talk with him. I wish you happiness.

My dad was diagnosed with ALS (Lou Gehrig's disease) in December. While officially diagnosed then, he had it for a few years prior and was misdiagnosed. Not that it could have made a difference ultimately. But in the last 6-7 months he's gone from a man who needed a little assistance with getting out of a chair to where he cannot feed himself or roll over. His body is failing him slowly, one day at a time yet his mind remains completely sharp and focused. It's a cruel, terrible disease and to watch such a strong man waste away is awful.

He turned 90 in March. I don't expect him to live out the year. I'm in NC and he's with my mom in FL. I try to get home to see him as often as I can but it's never often enough. He'll be gone soon and I know I'll always carry the guilt of not spending more time with him. He's the greatest man I've ever known and his death is something I dread more than my own.

Yes, spend time with you dad/family while you can.

This message has been edited. Last edited by: mojojojo,

I just lost my father June 10th, he was 99 and died from complications of dementia. It was actually a bit of a relief that he passed, his suffering was over. I had installed a video cam that would alert me if he tried to get up out of bed. The night before he passed the camera woke me up as he was laying in bed and he lifted both arms towards the ceiling with his hands outstretched. The next day he passed. Did this mean something? I don’t know. I’ll never forget it.

Sorry to hear DF. I hear in you that the leaving will be the hardest thing for you to deal with. That is very understandable. I cannot offer much. I will say a prayer for you, him and your family. I am sure through the process you will make the right decisions. Your heart is in the right place. Wish you, he and the rest of your family well.