I may find myself involved with family therapy due to a holiday melt down by my daughter. I would rather not go into detail. Not really a therapy kind of guy. Never been before. What can I expect?

quote:

Originally posted by goose5:
I may find myself involved with family therapy due to a holiday melt down by my daughter. I would rather not go into detail. Not really a therapy kind of guy. Never been before. What can I expect?

I always find it better to just listen, let it soak in a day or two. Then formulate your response. It’s easy for those sessions to get heated.

I agree with Otto.

Without knowing the specifics of the event, listening and trying to find out what people are feeling is a good strategy.

Don't just jump in and try and fix things, focus on understanding for now.

Choose your therapist wisely, do some research, make sure that you have one that you can communicate with and that is trustworthy. Also make sure that they themselves are stable. One of my "good friends" works in behavioral health, most of her horror stories are about other staff members.

I'm sure I'll catch flak for this.
Family Therapy= Blind leading the blind.

People's minds are made up already an they're not changing. People seek therapists to avoid being responsible for decision making (or lack thereof) and to cast their perceived injustices upon a neutral person who will avoid at all costs telling someone they're a dumbass.

Therapists will tell their victims that the victim (I replace patient for victim, since I believe therapy is a scam) is not at fault. It was the situation or their upbringing, or someone else that caused them to act a certain way or make bad decisions. The victim, it turn, learns to blame all their problems on another person and will use it as a crutch avoid controlling their own feelings, emotions or bad behavior. This results in a person not growing or maturing in their emotions or self-control.

I once had a therapist tell me that it boils down to one simple thing. Show the victim empathy. they aren't there to help solve issues. They're paid to listen and ask, "How did that make you feel? Oh, that's too bad. Now take this pill and come back next week."

The biggest joke is an unmarried therapist trying to perform family therapy, or a childless therapist giving parenting advice.

A significant amount of therapists are there to mask their own mental illness or issues. My ex was one of these. She was a self-mutilator and heard whispers in her head. And after our divorce, she became a child therapist. And thank God that my daughter had me become her custodial parent. Her mom would have had her jacked up on ritalin or some other mind altering drug.

I'm not a therapist. This is just my opinion, man.

Tony.

Out of curiosity, how old is your daughter?

Regardless, good luck with the whole effort.

Well I wish you the best for trying but I wouldn't do it.

If you are being brought into the therapy because of daddy issues then as mentioned do lots of listening and keep your trap shut until everyone has had a chance to get their issues out and then be very choice with your words.

Its hard to fix years of problems or perceived issues she may be having.

The main use out of such things that I’ve found was having an outside perspective who wasn’t directly involved in any of it.

quote:

Originally posted by benny6:
I'm sure I'll catch flak for this.
Family Therapy= Blind leading the blind.

People's minds are made up already an they're not changing. People seek therapists to avoid being responsible for decision making (or lack thereof) and to cast their perceived injustices upon a neutral person who will avoid at all costs telling someone they're a dumbass.

Therapists will tell their victims that the victim (I replace patient for victim, since I believe therapy is a scam) is not at fault. It was the situation or their upbringing, or someone else that caused them to act a certain way or make bad decisions.

I once had a therapist tell me that it boils down to one simple thing. Show the victim empathy.

The biggest joke is an unmarried therapist trying to perform family therapy, or a childless therapist giving parenting advice.

A significant amount of therapists are there to mask their own mental illness or issues. My ex was one of these. She was a self-mutilator and heard whispers in her head. And after our divorce, she became a child therapist. And thank God that my daughter had me become her custodial parent. Her mom would have had her jacked up on ritalin or some other mind altering drug.

Tony.

Honestly, that comment makes me like you more.

I will politely disagree, sometimes all a therapist should do, is ask the right questions to get the patient to realize what they already know, and then help the patient develop and do the plan of action. Empathy is helpful to get people to communicate, but it can't really cure things IMHO.

Not all therapists are compatible with your situation or the personalities involved. If you come away from a session feeling like it was a complete waste of time or counterproductive, shop around.

quote:

Originally posted by benny6:
I'm sure I'll catch flak for this.
Family Therapy= Blind leading the blind.

People's minds are made up already an they're not changing. People seek therapists to avoid being responsible for decision making (or lack thereof) and to cast their perceived injustices upon a neutral person who will avoid at all costs telling someone they're a dumbass.

Therapists will tell their victims that the victim (I replace patient for victim, since I believe therapy is a scam) is not at fault. It was the situation or their upbringing, or someone else that caused them to act a certain way or make bad decisions. The victim, it turn, learns to blame all their problems on another person and will use it as a crutch avoid controlling their own feelings, emotions or bad behavior. This results in a person not growing or maturing in their emotions or self-control.

I once had a therapist tell me that it boils down to one simple thing. Show the victim empathy. they aren't there to help solve issues. They're paid to listen and ask, "How did that make you feel? Oh, that's too bad. Now take this pill and come back next week."

The biggest joke is an unmarried therapist trying to perform family therapy, or a childless therapist giving parenting advice.

A significant amount of therapists are there to mask their own mental illness or issues. My ex was one of these. She was a self-mutilator and heard whispers in her head. And after our divorce, she became a child therapist. And thank God that my daughter had me become her custodial parent. Her mom would have had her jacked up on ritalin or some other mind altering drug.

I'm not a therapist. This is just my opinion, man.

Tony.

Tony,

I agree with some of what you said. The problem I find with therapy is that it’s a customer service business. Being blunt and telling people what they don’t want to hear doesn’t bring in as much return business as massaging egos and preconceived notions that their reality isn’t the same as everyone else’s.

If folks were told the hard truths then therapy may actually help more people.

I had a contentious divorce and was pressured to go to family counseling. When the therapist opened with me by asking "what do you want from your marriage"? I said "I want a divorce"!
End of therapy session! My advice is to vet any therapist thoroughly to make sure their experience and qualifications suit your situation. And be aware that therapy can run into $$$. Check with your insurance carrier to see if they will kick in.
Mine was church based so it was free.

quote:

Originally posted by OttoSig:

Being blunt and telling people what they don’t want to hear

My wife is a (mostly) retired therapist. She was not a "feel good" dispenser, she called it like she saw it, and there were clients who did not like that and did not return. There were also clients who thanked her for her help and actually did work hard on getting their heads on straight.

quote:

Originally posted by benny6:
A significant amount of therapists are there to mask their own mental illness or issues.

Tony.

My son is a licensed Social Worker/Therapist. He is the poster child for this statement.

No advice. Just wanted to say I’m sorry for the rough Christmas and truly pray this is just a bump in the road with your daughter.

Age of participants, closeness of relationship of the participants, and whether you are "principal" to the melt down or "collateral damage" to the melt down all ought to be considered.

Furthermore, you might find a counsellor just for you, if you are principal to the mess, before you walk into a family counselor situation.

V-Tail is correct when he describes his wife, and her success. I wouldn't want to walk into family therapy without having had some professional help to understand things individually first.

quote:

Originally posted by V-Tail:

quote:

Originally posted by OttoSig:

Being blunt and telling people what they don’t want to hear

My wife is a (mostly) retired therapist. She was not a "feel good" dispenser, she called it like she saw it, and there were clients who did not like that and did not return. There were also clients who thanked her for her help and actually did work hard on getting their heads on straight.

Then we agree, there are always two types of people. I for one would appreciate your wife’s approach. But I doubt most people today, especially the younger crowd, would.

Be aware that anyone can call themselves a therapist. There is a big difference between a licensed psychologist or psychiatrist and a therapist.

quote:

Originally posted by OttoSig:

quote:

Originally posted by benny6:
I'm sure I'll catch flak for this.
Family Therapy= Blind leading the blind.

People's minds are made up already an they're not changing. People seek therapists to avoid being responsible for decision making (or lack thereof) and to cast their perceived injustices upon a neutral person who will avoid at all costs telling someone they're a dumbass.

Therapists will tell their victims that the victim (I replace patient for victim, since I believe therapy is a scam) is not at fault. It was the situation or their upbringing, or someone else that caused them to act a certain way or make bad decisions. The victim, it turn, learns to blame all their problems on another person and will use it as a crutch avoid controlling their own feelings, emotions or bad behavior. This results in a person not growing or maturing in their emotions or self-control.

I once had a therapist tell me that it boils down to one simple thing. Show the victim empathy. they aren't there to help solve issues. They're paid to listen and ask, "How did that make you feel? Oh, that's too bad. Now take this pill and come back next week."

The biggest joke is an unmarried therapist trying to perform family therapy, or a childless therapist giving parenting advice.

A significant amount of therapists are there to mask their own mental illness or issues. My ex was one of these. She was a self-mutilator and heard whispers in her head. And after our divorce, she became a child therapist. And thank God that my daughter had me become her custodial parent. Her mom would have had her jacked up on ritalin or some other mind altering drug.

I'm not a therapist. This is just my opinion, man.

Tony.

Tony,

I agree with some of what you said. The problem I find with therapy is that it’s a customer service business. Being blunt and telling people what they don’t want to hear doesn’t bring in as much return business as massaging egos and preconceived notions that their reality isn’t the same as everyone else’s.

If folks were told the hard truths then therapy may actually help more people.

I don't know where you guys went but my therapist has no problem telling me when I'm being a dipshit.

quote:

Originally posted by ryan81986:

quote:

Originally posted by OttoSig:

quote:

Originally posted by benny6:
I'm sure I'll catch flak for this.
Family Therapy= Blind leading the blind.

People's minds are made up already an they're not changing. People seek therapists to avoid being responsible for decision making (or lack thereof) and to cast their perceived injustices upon a neutral person who will avoid at all costs telling someone they're a dumbass.

Therapists will tell their victims that the victim (I replace patient for victim, since I believe therapy is a scam) is not at fault. It was the situation or their upbringing, or someone else that caused them to act a certain way or make bad decisions. The victim, it turn, learns to blame all their problems on another person and will use it as a crutch avoid controlling their own feelings, emotions or bad behavior. This results in a person not growing or maturing in their emotions or self-control.

I once had a therapist tell me that it boils down to one simple thing. Show the victim empathy. they aren't there to help solve issues. They're paid to listen and ask, "How did that make you feel? Oh, that's too bad. Now take this pill and come back next week."

The biggest joke is an unmarried therapist trying to perform family therapy, or a childless therapist giving parenting advice.

A significant amount of therapists are there to mask their own mental illness or issues. My ex was one of these. She was a self-mutilator and heard whispers in her head. And after our divorce, she became a child therapist. And thank God that my daughter had me become her custodial parent. Her mom would have had her jacked up on ritalin or some other mind altering drug.

I'm not a therapist. This is just my opinion, man.

Tony.

Tony,

I agree with some of what you said. The problem I find with therapy is that it’s a customer service business. Being blunt and telling people what they don’t want to hear doesn’t bring in as much return business as massaging egos and preconceived notions that their reality isn’t the same as everyone else’s.

If folks were told the hard truths then therapy may actually help more people.

I don't know where you guys went but my therapist has no problem telling me when I'm being a dipshit.

Speaking for myself only, I’ve been to the opposite. To put it simply.

Some are good. Some are crap. Some are going to try to get patients by telling them what they want to hear. Other are actually going to try and help. You really have no way of knowing in advance who they are except by a referral from someone who knows the therapist, your situation, AND gives a shit. That said, therapy CAN work, but see below.


I don't know why you are going, but if you don't think therapy is going to be helpful, it's not going to be for you so shutting up maybe can help those who what help. If you are going because someone else thinks you should and are humoring them, that also isn't how therapy works either so good or bad therapist isn't going to matter. I don't really have a ton of advice for you in these two scenarios because you shouldn't be there. Really, just don't go. It is not going to help and if others think therapy is needed you will hurt them.

If you are going because you think there is a problem, listen to the therapist and participate how you think will be helpful.

I understand Tony's opinion on therapists and the statement "People's minds are made up already and they're not changing" is the key. If this is correct, therapy is a complete waste of time. Politely, the rest is incorrect and a result of this statement's mindset. If you go into a group therapy session thinking you are right, the other is a dumbass, and therapy is a waste of time, it absolutely will be. Also, unless the therapist is also a licensed psychiatrist they shouldn't be doing anything except referring you to a psychiatrist to make that determination. Only psychiatrists prescribe meds. And medication is not for everyone. If an unlicensed therapist is pushing meds, leave and get a new one and report them.

Therapists are not capable of solving problems without the cooperation of the parties seeking it. FFS the therapist is not psychic or magic, they only have the information brought to them. Garbage in, garbage out but THAT IS NOT THE THERAPIST'S problem. They work by helping people understand problems and perspectives from the outside.

But again, many suck and even the good ones might not be compatible with the patient.

So: if you want to go, listen carefully and participate if you want and DON'T GO if you don't want to, even if asked to go because someone you care about asks you too. If you don't want to be involved, don't be involved.

Therapy is not for everyone.