Agree with those who advise caution. A bad one can turn a fender bander into a fireball. Be very careful, and stop at the first sign of the wrong kind of trouble. Some are good, others are ineffective, and some are damaged goods themselves or worse, just plain nuts.

I applaud you for being willing to take this step. Someone in your family is crying for help, and they’ve been told this is the way to get it. That being said, I’d be very cautious. All ears no mouth unless you’re directly questioned. Listen to the advice they dispense and as others said, shop around- not everyone is going to jive with your moral code, and while you want someone to help it can’t go completely against your grain.
Otherwise it does no good and you won’t get any help. Be open to hearing what they have to say.

quote:

Originally posted by flesheatingvirus:
The main use out of such things that I’ve found was having an outside perspective who wasn’t directly involved in any of it.

quote:

Not all therapists are compatible with your situation or the personalities involved. If you come away from a session feeling like it was a complete waste of time or counterproductive, shop around.

Spot on on both points.

Meltdowns mean some one really cares.
Listen to them with your heart and not your mind.
They are hurting for a reason that you may or not fix.
Being there is the most important part.

Most of what you wrote is absolutely correct. One statement that you made, is not true:

quote:

Originally posted by Loswsmith:

Only psychiatrists prescribe meds.

My wife spent many years in a practice owned by a Nurse Practitioner. She (the NP), could, and did, legally prescribe meds. In fact, that was close to 100% of what the NP did -- she dealt with the meds, if and only if the patient was a client of one of the therapists in the practice. I.e. the patient had to be in therapy at the practice, or else the NP would decline to prescribe meds.

^^^ Context, my friend. Loswsmith was discussing psychiatrist vs "therapist", and what he said is correct. You actually proved his point. The therapists had to have the NP write prescriptions, because they themselves cannot.

Yes, thank you. Sorry, I actually am not sure who can actually prescribe meds in which states, since that varies, except that I know therapists, without further licensing, cannot.

I was imprecise and that was my error.

Therapy is NOT for everyone. It was very helpful for me in one situation, but I know plenty of people it sucked for.

I went through this with my son when he was in his mid-teenage years. He is now 20. The thing with teenagers (same with most of us when we were the same age) was they do not want to talk to the parents and discuss the problems or issues. They either keep it within, or talk to their friend of the same age group. The problem with that is their friends dont know any better. Our children may get a wrong advice. With the professional therapist, they are neutral. They have someone to vent off that doesn’t involve emotion from the therapist. I still have some issues with my son once in a while. But it has gotten better.

Better to have them talk to someone so they can share their emotions. They can be pissed off and vent to someone who dont have emotional involvement, which i think is a good thing.

Just listen and participate with the treatment. I know 2 personal
Acquaintance that ended badly for their kids. A parent’s worse nightmare.


Just be there for them. Teenage years can be tough on everyone. I still have to remind myself the same.

I've never been through therapy but I went through crisis counseling training.

Here are some things that will be helpful for you.

1. Do not be defensive. It's not a court of law where you have to prove yourself right and the other people wrong. The other people are not the problem. The other people are not your enemy. You and the involved people are on one side of the table with the problem in front of all of you in your family. You are working with the other people to solve the problem.

2. Own your feelings. Don't say, "You make me feel angry." Say, "I feel angry when you do such and such (describe their actions).

2a. I don't know if you have any anger management issues but remain calm. You need to protect and isolate your hot buttons from being pressed.

3. If you're wrong, you're wrong. Don't deflect, don't blame it on others. Say, "I'm sorry I did such and such (your specific actions). I promise not to do it again."

As an aside, one thing I learned also, is if you go through an issue, once it's over, it's over. No one should bring it up anymore in the future as a leverage in future fights.

I know what I said is directed to you. You may protest and say it should apply to the other people too. But that's not your job; that would hopefully be the therapist's job who is facilitating your family therapy.

Good luck.

Okay, I'm going to tell everyone what happened. My child has been caught up in the whole trans thing. She is 20 years old. Last year she changed her name to a nice 'non-gender-specific name. I'm doing my best to use it. When I'm not thinking I use her given name but I correct myself immediately. My oldest son converted to Catholicism when he got married. That has always intimidated her. Upon telling him she's trans and wants to identify under another name his response was you'll always be Auntie to my kids. That was 8 months ago. She sat down with me to talk about that and she was really pissed about the whole situation. I counseled back off on the anger, or he won't respond the way you think. I also have been telling her for years don't go down the victimhood status road. Its not healthy for you, and plays right into the hands of others. That's when she started saying she didn't feel safe growing up under my roof. I chuckled and said you were safer here than you would have been in the White House, or sitting next to the Pope in the Vatican. In retrospect, I probably could have handled that better. She thought I was laughing at her and took great offense. Had someone drive three hours to pick her up in the middle of the night. As events unfolded and things were said my wife suspects the whole thing had some pre-planned elements for the entire thing. The timeline of when this person left Fort Collins and arrived here didn't add up, and other things.

Goose, my heart goes out to you brother. It's a no-win situation.

When I have found myself in no-win situations re family, I ultimately decided my peace of mind is paramount. Consequently, I no longer talk to some of them.

Best of luck.

She is an adult. Her life and her consequences. Until she figures shit out anything you say or do will make you guys the bad people probably make things worse. Is my guess. If she wants therapy let her do it and pay for it. Might seem cold but you are not dealing with a child.

You are under no obligation to like or accept her choices. I am assuming so is living under your roof and probably is the recipient of many things she is not paying for. If that is the case she should be on her own, paying her own way as an adult. Doing what she wants to do. That would solve the problems your family currently has. Imho.

If that’s the situation I wouldn’t be in counseling.

People are allowed to make choices, they’re not allowed to make people agree with them.

This lesson has to be learned sooner rather than later, any attempt to change someone else’s mind starts a slippery slope.

Sorry you’re having to deal with this.

^^^Totally agree with James.

I'm very saddened to hear about this. She doesn't need therapy. She needs an intervention. Don't capitulate to the trans ideology. Call her what she's always been called by you. She can choose to accept the truth, or a lie. Period.

It's your choice to participate in the lie or not.

If she's picking a therapist and encouraging you to participate, it will be bad for you all. Unless you agree to participate in the lie, you will be the villain. You will be the bigot.

Someone needs to tell her to be happy as she was born. To deny what you are is to forever be discontent.

Good luck and God be with you all.

Tony.

quote:

Originally posted by V-Tail:

quote:

Originally posted by OttoSig:

Being blunt and telling people what they don’t want to hear

My wife is a (mostly) retired therapist. She was not a "feel good" dispenser, she called it like she saw it, and there were clients who did not like that and did not return. There were also clients who thanked her for her help and actually did work hard on getting their heads on straight.

My wife falls into this category, she specializes in 1st Reponders and is very, very good at what she does. I would say half of therapist are barely useful, I figure about 1 in 5 is really good and they tend to specialize in a
Few areas. You may have to try a few to get the one that’s right for you and your family. Therapists don’t prescribe drugs. My wife is not a fan of most of the Psychiatrists in our area as that is there entire goal. Diagnose a mental disease that requires drugs.

There are good ones, but I’ve only ever met with a psychiatrist-who was able to give me some emotional tools to deal with stuff.

(The Mayo has a unit for teaching professionals to cope with stress. Their program is a useful toolset, IMO.)

I have seen the right grief counselor help as well - but again, licensed people, and with a Christian background.

Been down the path early in my marriage. Family therapy, Teen Court, Individual therapy, inpatient therapy, inpatient alcoholic therapy. I had good insurance at the time.
25 tears later, nothing was solved or helped, but the patient did learn how to better manipulate caregivers.

Best of luck to you. Some people state that it helps. I don't think our patient approached it honestly. Just another tool to manipulate.

Still have some of the paperwork