So ran some errands today, picked up a pizza for dinner, came home and decided to have dinner while the pizza was still warm before unloading the truck.

Finish dinner go back downstairs, casually hit the button on the wall as and open the garage door as I’m walking down the 3 steps into the garage and there she is, the biggest goddamn cow moose I have ever seen in my driveway. And when I say in my driveway I mean literally outside the garage door.

OH SHIT!

Start to back up, moose starts to enter my garage, I hit the button to close the door, door comes down, hits the moose in the back of the head and the door starts to go back up.

MOTHER TRUCKER!

I’m looking around and grab the closest this go to me, a bottle of Windex off the garage shelf. I picked it up and chucked it at the moose and beaned her right in the nose. She took a couple of steps back, I hit the button on the wall, the garage door closed, I got back inside the house and breathed a huge sigh of relief.

Adapt, improvise and overcome. At least the moose has a clean nose to balance out my dirty underwear.

To make matters even worse I tell my girlfriend about it and her reply was, “So let me get this straight, you have like 86 guns and you resorted to Windex to scare off a moose?”

I’m like, “Look, it’s not like I could make like Robin Williams in ‘Survivors’ and call, “TIMEOUT!” run back inside, go down to the basement, open the safe, grab my Winchester Model 70 in .375 H&H (because what would be more appropriate than an African safari rifle to repel a large female ungulate from my garage?), rummage through my ammo stash to find the appropriate box of ammo, load my rifle, run back upstairs, assume a proper firing position that would make Ralphie with his Red Ryder in the back yard envious, yell ‘Yippie Kay Yi Motherfucker’ and pull the trigger expecting the moose to wait for me and be an added ingredient on my leftover pizza for breakfast.”

You're Boris Badinov, aren't you.

quote:

Originally posted by RichardC:
You're Boris Badinov, aren't you.

Moose and squirrel!

Most people from the "lower 48" have no clue as to how big a full grown moose grows to.. Height / width / weight / and when challanged a nasty attitude...I lived in Delta Junction / Ft. Greely, Alaska for 5 winters(US Army).. Actually bloodied the nose of a big bull moose (with palmated antlers) when the drivers side outside rearview mirror of my Chevy Van (full sized) struck its nose when it jumped out from the roadside woodline onto the roadway in my travel lane..Had it slid one more step on that frozen /snow covered roadway it would have probably crashed thru my windshield which probably totaled the van and fatal for myself and my wife... Did not even break the glass when it slapped the side of the van...Changed my clothing when I got back to the house.............. drill sgt.

And my wife gets mad about the Whitetails eating her flowers.
Glad it turned out okay for you

They are nothing to mess with. We had an acquaintance who hit one with her Volkswagen. She ended up with brain damage and a totaled vehicle. Moose walked away.
When we’ve seen them on the road, we literally throw it in reverse and leave.

Happy you were able to get her out with no damage to you or your garage!

I read about bear attacks. But more people are killed from moose attacks than bear.

Like The Survivors reference, “I love the smell of Malemute in the morning!”

Lived in Fairbanks when in the Army, in a house that was built off one of the early cabins, we were actually on a tour bus route.

One morning, my two dogs were barking, begging to be let out. One was a Rottweiler who thought he was a baddest thing on four legs. I let them out and they take off raising hell. They run about 30 feet and then stop, turn back in silence and trot behind my legs whining meekly.


A mama moose stands just outside the front fence on the sidewalk looking at us without a care. A calf stood behind her showing more interest in us than she. They sauntered off shortly.

We have several moose in our neighborhood. Last week 2 full grown cows and a yearling strolled through the yard. I've come across a napping bull on a trail here, and we skedaddled as fast as we could!

Mostly they don't bother people, but unlike deer they don't walk away when people are around.

quote:

Originally posted by Biker_dude:
I read about bear attacks. But more people are killed from moose attacks than bear.

Nope. Per Google AI:

Approx (i.e. varies by year) 40 bear attacks per year in US and 10 to 12 fatal.

Approx 16 moose attacks per year. Not fatal very often.

As far as moose attacks, one reason why they occur is moose have figured out that commercial buildings and residences have bushes and other landscaping buried under the snow by the entrance. They knock the snow aside and eat the landscaping. In Anchorage, there is statistically a good chance you'll have a close encounter with a moose and bad things can happen if you're distracted while walking out the front door (e.g. nose buried in your phone).

People killed per year statistics are skewed to moose because of vehicle crashes. Several reasons:

they are tall and top heavy which means vehicles strike them in the legs causing the heaviest part of their body to hit the windshield. Moose are 600 lbs to 1800 lbs. Depending on vehicle speed, it can be absolutely devastating by either coming into passenger cabin through windshield or crushing the a-pillars and passenger cabin.

they have a pea brain and routinely run from safety into danger. I've seen moose successfully cross a limited access freeway, and then make a 180 turn to run back into traffic. Some people theorize that they get spooked by their shadow cast by vehicle headlights and run from it (i.e. do a 180 turn). Some people claim squirrels are nature's shittiest decision makers, but moose get my vote.

unlike deer, their eyes don't reflect light so drivers don't see their eyes with their headlights like they would a deer.

Anchorage, AK, moose significantly out populate bear and Alaska F&G states it's similar in the rest of Alaska. Anchorage has ~300 moose in summer, but moose don't hibernate in winter and instead many come down from the mountains into the city so population increases to ~3000 (winter is 8 to 9 months). See earlier commentary on moose eating landscaping. In Anchorage, year around there are ~300 black bear and ~50 brown/grizzly bear.

Alaska F&G reports ~670 moose crashes per year reported to Alaska state troopers vs Google AI finding that only ~10 bear crashes per year.

I lived in Anchorage for 5 years for North Slope oil & gas project, and then continued to routinely travel to Alaska for 2 years for a different oil & gas project. 5 of 7 years were the permitting phases, so several days per week interacted with wildlife biologists and had numerous interesting conversations. Kind of a unique experience most people residing in Alaska or visiting Alaska don't have.

---

Ego is the anesthesia that deadens the pain of stupidity

DISCLAIMER: These are the author's own personal views and do not represent the views of the author's employer.

quote:

Originally posted by tatortodd:
Per Google AI:

Approx 16 moose attacks per year. Not fatal very often.

I find the number 16 not believable. We had a moose attack in town here about 10 days ago, injuring but not killing the person. Every year I hear of two or more such situations, plus numerous events where the person is charged or chased but not injured.

Perhaps the fatality total of zero is accurate, idk. But there must be far more than 16 attacks annually.

quote:

Originally posted by Fly-Sig:
I find the number 16 not believable. We had a moose attack in town here about 10 days ago, injuring but not killing the person. Every year I hear of two or more such situations, plus numerous events where the person is charged or chased but not injured.

Perhaps the fatality total of zero is accurate, idk. But there must be far more than 16 attacks annually.

Most states likely don't have an agency tracking it nor require hospitals/clinics to report it.

Anchorage Daily News only has a few stories of attacks, and one story of a fatality. Approx. one story every 4 years which isn't much for a mid-sized city with ~3000 moose in it. Of course, the news would have to get tipped off and it'd have to be extraordinary (i.e. "if it bleeds, it leads"). In my 5 years in Alaska, I only recall one moose attack making the news and it was an 85 year old granny coming to her husbands rescue and beating on a moose with a shovel. That story was picked up by the national news.

One Iditarod, I went over to my buddy’s apartment in midtown to walk downtown for the ceremonial start. I had just street parked and was lifting my windshield wipers up off the windshield (prevents freezing to windshield which extends life) when a bull moose walked around the corner. It charged as soon as it saw me. I barely made it inside my truck. It definitely got the heart pumping.

My employee's husband was a paratrooper at JBER and the Colonel was late the day they were deploying to Afghanistan. He didn't want to leave a vehicle at the base while deployed so he rode his mountain bike, and while whizzing down a trail on base he found himself between mama and her calves. He did the tree dance for 30 minutes with mama. At least he had a good story when he arrived late.

quote:

grab my Winchester Model 70 in .375 H&H (because what would be more appropriate than an African safari rifle to repel a large female ungulate from my garage?)

A lever action 45-70?

You did well. I’m fairly sure I would have stood there for 30 seconds or so wondering why there was a moose in the garage.

People ignore the moose in the room.

Be a good test for a taser.
Make sure you film the results, inquiring minds want to know.

https://youtube.com/shorts/4oN...?si=lj-Bmcy8rT0C0z7K
Electricity seems to work.

You don't check your outside security cameras before you step outside?
.

Personally, I like 'em.

Especially the steaks, and ground moose makes an excellent meatloaf.

They used to walk thru my front yard when I was stationed at Fort Richardson.

Used to see them when we were x-country skiing at the golf course; we gave them a wide berth.

The Moose in the Yoop often stroll casually out into the middle of road. And leave only when it bores them.