quote:

Originally posted by BoatsNbullets:
Menopause is real and nothing to joke about. It can ruin/end any relationship.

I don't think menopause ruins any relationship. Lack of communication ruins relationships. Not being honest with yourself or your partner ruins relationships. Not being understanding of a physical change every woman goes through might ruin a relationship. But menopause itself? Nah. Its rarer but saltier variant Manopause might, where old men cement into being jerks to the person they made a lifelong vow to...

Long term relationships are work. Expecting stuff great all the time isn't realistic. If stuff is bad a lot, honest conversations need to happen and maybe therapy. Lots of stuff out there messes with people, like "one true love." That's horseshit, if we all had to find the one correct person, humanity would already be extinct. Is anyone with someone just because they love them? Maybe, that is either a perfect relationship or someone is lying. People are in long term relationships because they want to be there. Wanting to be there means putting up with bullshit sometimes, and being forgiven. If you do that, it's reasonable to expect the same in return.

I don't know how these "poly" people do it... The ones I know kinda don't do it successfully..

I agree with Irreverent! She said it better than I could have phrased it as well. But I will also say, communication is a major factor in making relationships work. And not in a lecturing sort of way either. It works best if you can hear each other out, and discuss the issue, and come to an agreement on how best to proceed if anything needs to change. And, speaking of menopause, it sucks but if you talk about what’s happening, it doesn’t have to be as horrible getting through the effects.

This applies to relationships, but also our political climate and society at large:

Human beings have 4 ways to express themselves:

Speech

Gestures

Sex

Violence

One of those is generally only available to people you are in a relationship with, unless you are a professional or a slut. For other interactions, you need to be able to simply talk to other people, and certainly be fully open and honest with people you are committed to.

Option 4 is all that is left, when people refuse to do the other 3. It should never be the first or only choice.

Those gay guys are so damn lucky,
Just imagine, never having to deal with " women problems"

44 years with the same lady.
Menopause was a bastard .


Looking back ,
The first 12 years I didn't care why we were together, was just elated that we were.

This message has been edited. Last edited by: bendable,

It's very simple. There are only two rules:

1) She's always right.
2) Whenever you think you're right, refer to rule #1.

The only way for you to be right is to be single. I loved my wife dearly and wish she was still with us, but since her passing 10 years ago, I haven't been wrong about anything.

quote:

Originally posted by arcwelder:

quote:

Originally posted by BoatsNbullets:
Menopause is real and nothing to joke about. It can ruin/end any relationship.

I don't think menopause ruins any relationship. Lack of communication ruins relationships. Not being honest with yourself or your partner ruins relationships. Not being understanding of a physical change every woman goes through might ruin a relationship. But menopause itself? Nah. Its rarer but saltier variant Manopause might, where old men cement into being jerks to the person they made a lifelong vow to...

Long term relationships are work. Expecting stuff great all the time isn't realistic. If stuff is bad a lot, honest conversations need to happen and maybe therapy. Lots of stuff out there messes with people, like "one true love." That's horseshit, if we all had to find the one correct person, humanity would already be extinct. Is anyone with someone just because they love them? Maybe, that is either a perfect relationship or someone is lying. People are in long term relationships because they want to be there. Wanting to be there means putting up with bullshit sometimes, and being forgiven. If you do that, it's reasonable to expect the same in return.

Arc, your post put tears in my eyes, it’s so dead on. 400m, I remembered this article and I hyperlinked it below when I read your response to me: here’s a generic woman’s perspective (if it does so happen that your wife is struggling right now with hormonal issues).. I’ve vacillated over posting it because it is emotional, but..if it helps you understand her perspective.. it’s worth it.


All the things I think, but do not say

quote:

Originally posted by bendable:

Those gay guys are so damn lucky,
Just imagine, never having to deal with " women problems"

A straight couple wandered into a bar, where a couple of gay dudes were having a beer. The man and woman got into a really nasty argument. One of the gay guys said to the other, "See? I told you that those mixed marriages never work!"

“It’s not about the nail”, that was funny.

Receptionist: How do you write women so well?
Melvin Udall: I think of a man, and I take away reason and accountability.
Melvin Udall played by Jack Nicholson in AS GOOD AS IT GETS.

Georgeair - that flowchart is hilarious! I've made many flowcharts in my careers, but this one is the best.

quote:

Originally posted by bendable:
Those gay guys are so damn lucky,
Just imagine, never having to deal with " women problems"

44 years with the same lady.
Menopause was a bastard .


Looking back ,
The first 12 years I didn't care why we were together, was just elated that we were.

You must not know many gay guys.

quote:

Originally posted by irreverent:

quote:

Originally posted by arcwelder:

quote:

Originally posted by BoatsNbullets:
Menopause is real and nothing to joke about. It can ruin/end any relationship.

I don't think menopause ruins any relationship. Lack of communication ruins relationships. Not being honest with yourself or your partner ruins relationships. Not being understanding of a physical change every woman goes through might ruin a relationship. But menopause itself? Nah. Its rarer but saltier variant Manopause might, where old men cement into being jerks to the person they made a lifelong vow to...

Long term relationships are work. Expecting stuff great all the time isn't realistic. If stuff is bad a lot, honest conversations need to happen and maybe therapy. Lots of stuff out there messes with people, like "one true love." That's horseshit, if we all had to find the one correct person, humanity would already be extinct. Is anyone with someone just because they love them? Maybe, that is either a perfect relationship or someone is lying. People are in long term relationships because they want to be there. Wanting to be there means putting up with bullshit sometimes, and being forgiven. If you do that, it's reasonable to expect the same in return.

Arc, your post put tears in my eyes, it’s so dead on. 400m, I remembered this article and I hyperlinked it below when I read your response to me: here’s a generic woman’s perspective (if it does so happen that your wife is struggling right now with hormonal issues).. I’ve vacillated over posting it because it is emotional, but..if it helps you understand her perspective.. it’s worth it.


All the things I think, but do not say

That's why I'm here. To make women cry. I'm not sure what you think I said, but an article or two ain't going to fix how I feel about my wife, how she feels, or what her perspective is. She's actually a member here, and anything I post on the internet I'm comfortable saying to her directly.

Long term relationships are hard, and always have been. In the past, they were buttoned up in all kinds of ways. Who the hell knows how men and women held it together in the previous decades, but it was probably the subjugation of women and the patriarchy at fault. Everyone can craft that fairy tale however they like. In 2023 you best be honest with yourself and your partner, and make your feelings and needs known.

Rereading the post, I think you're speaking more to 400m, no matter. Life is short, get a helmet.

Honesty is the best policy. Be honest with yourself, then your partner. You've made a long term commitment, if you demand perfection from someone else, are you abiding by the Golden Rule?

For the longest time, society didn't allow men to be emotional. In 2023, I still feel like straight men aren't actually allowed to be emotional. Straight men are always expected to deliver the goods of the stereotype, but when they actually show emotion it remains a weakness. This is a catch 22. Both for men who are men, and men who are beta cucks.

Ladies, Men, Ladiemen, Manladies... Whatever you think you are or want to be, lay out the terms of what you want and need with the person you wish to form a relationship with. Expect honestly in return. You polygamy people are beyond help.

Arc, the link was for 400m. In a previous post, he wanted advice from a woman’s perspective (just not mine, at that moment we also misunderstood each other). I was complying to try and offer a generic perspective.

Your words resonated with me, which is why it brought a tear to my eye. Communication is everything.
Apologies for the misunderstanding.

Text is a tough medium.

These days, it's crazy how normal men and women are being attacked and shamed for being normal men and women, and it's making even more difficult the efforts to communicate. We all have the impossible standards of "true love" and all kinds of romance pumped out in various media. Heap on top of that all the ridiculous shit of today. I'm not "cisgender," I'm just normal... and so on.

Social media is and has been trash, and now I see "tradwife" and "pickme," good grief. Fb is toxic enough, the "apps" are poison. What a mess. My sympathies to anyone single.

quote:

Originally posted by arcwelder:
My sympathies to anyone single.

This should be required reading before any boy is allowed to date.

https://www.goodreads.com/book...07-the-rational-male

A really eye opening book about the nature of human males and females and how current society plays into the dysfunction.

quote:

now I see "tradwife" and "pickme,"

Interesting, had to google those, even though it's prevalent on TikTok now, so the youth follow these, the basic premise behind them has been a driving force for many women forever in a methodology to "snag a mate" as some say.

An example is College, many women who attend universities are not there for the higher education per se, they are working on MRS Degrees, it was obvious, and they would use some of the Tradwife or Pickme and others to attract the opposite sex.

It's just the way some folks are wired when it comes to finding a life mate,

Amazing how SM more importantly TikTok is influencing life choices and actions of people by little bitty videos.

You want to change the world, get rid of smart phones, all this goes away. That genie isn't going back in the bottle though.

Irreverent, good article.

A quote from True Lies comes to mind.

quote:

Originally posted by 400m:
She had the ceiling fan on medium last night and she detests that fan. Perhaps menopause?

Talk about burying the lead.
Of course it has something to do with this.