I swear as soon as you think it’s going good, they’ll make you want to beat your head against the wall until it’s over. I’m joining Spanky and the He-Man Woman Haters Club!
Just don’t tell my wife because it’ll be even worse for me!
Please remind me why we put up with this crap! I seem to have forgotten.

quote:

Originally posted by 400m:

Please remind me why we put up with this crap! I seem to have forgotten.

Cuz, you stuck your weenie in the magic sauce.

Ah, yes!
Thanks Excam

Women are like stubborn pups in that they are happiest and fall into line when they have no question about their alpha and leader.
That is not in any way to be demeaning to women, just that their nature makes them crave the strongest and most decisive of the pack to be at ease. If you are not filling that role for her she will vie for the position and make a mess of it at that because most believe that means being a "boss bitch" type.

Ryanp225 you’re not wrong but that’s not what is happening now. She’s creating her own problems and contention on one or two subjects because of her own stubbornness, and thinks I’m going to listen to her complaining about it. Wrong.
If she needs help with rational resolutions, I’m here for her till my last breath. Leading and conflict resolution are a few of mans greatest attributes. Learning to do it without letting emotions run wild is the pinnacle. But I refuse to be the whipping post or chopping block for complaints of your own making. Take that crap to your girlfriends or mom.

Ryan225, you are flat out wrong. That simple.
400m, sounds like you need a therapist to help you and your spouse communicate. She should be able to share her concerns with you and you should be able to explain that these concerns are of her own making..without her having to run off to “wimmenfolk” to complain.

As a gal who has been here for pushing 20 years, I’m a little pissed that there are still guys out there that are this obtuse. Jesus.

I have been taking solace in the classic musings of one of the greatest scribes of our time. I leave you with this wisdom:

I’ve been divorced for over a decade now.
Swore off dating a while back.

I came in last night from work, ate a steak, did my livestock chores, played Red Dead Redemption on the Xbox for a bit. My son came by and visited. Then I went to bed.

This morning when I walked up front, my shirt was still over the back of the couch. My boots were still by my chair. There was still a dish or two on the table from supper.

And other than the kitchen clock ticking, total silence.

quote:

Originally posted by irreverent:
Ryan225, you are flat out wrong. That simple.
400m, sounds like you need a therapist to help you and your spouse communicate. She should be able to share her concerns with you and you should be able to explain that these concerns are of her own making..without her having to run off to “wimmenfolk” to complain.

As a gal who has been here for pushing 20 years, I’m a little pissed that there are still guys out there that are this obtuse. Jesus.

And there's the rub (bolded statement). In 48 years of marriage I have NEVER been able to achieve that without it becoming a shitshow which I refuse to participate in. I just shut up and walk away.

I will agree that Ryan225 is living in the 50's tho. That approach wouldn't fly here either.

The real issue is that we men like to fix things and most of the gripes that a women is going to tell you about...YOU CAN'T FIX!

So, don't try... just listen and be supportive...
(I need to go smoke a cigar and have a shot of bourbon to get some testosterone back after making that statement)
But it is true...

I've been on vacation of course with my wife and she / we've had some of our women friends visit us.
Years ago, probably 4th grade, we read some famous play in class and I had the part of the old grandpa and my one line was, "Women!... PIFF!"
It still rings true today...

Irreverent, perhaps you are making an assumption. Your comments are just short of insulting. In the last three days I have tried in a calm caring tone to explain to her that these problems are of her own doing. All three times she tries to spin the discussion or walks away completely ignoring me. I have been married to her for almost 24 years and she is by far the most stubborn woman I’ve known. So I’ll be direct, stop with the obtuse calling and therapist suggestions. It lends nothing helpful. I’d love a little insight from another woman. Just not from that point of view.

Someone should post the video "It's not about the nail"

quote:

Just not from that point of view.

I would read irreverents post again

What kind of insight would you like? I’m sincere with this question.
Did you truly tell her you were there for her til your last breath, and she didn’t believe you? I’m certainly not the only woman on this board, most of us just keep a low profile. Noting in a thread that you’re joining a “he man woman haters club” doesn’t give a lot of hope, to be frank. I’m up with you there in marriage years, and I do know it can be a long row to hoe. From both sides. So if you’re genuinely looking for advice instead of just pitching a bitch, I’m all ears. And honestly, I didn’t believe offering up the idea of a therapist was insulting. I’ll admit the last comment was directed more to Ryan225. I’ll withdraw it. With you, I was genuinely trying to be helpful..

quote:

Originally posted by irreverent:
...long row to hoe...

Nice to see someone finally get the idiom correct!

Flow chart.

Then I misunderstood you and you have my apology.
The he-man reference is an old Little Rascals bit.
I did not tell her last night that I’m there til my dying breath but I did say we need to clear the air because it’s been stale for 2 or 3 days. She agreed. After this long of a marriage I understand she needs to vent but I will not listen to her complain about situations she promotes. Put plainly she locks horns with one of the kids. When the kid gets snarky and defensive she does too. She acts like a teenager herself. Sorry, bitching about the kids behavior is just wrong and I don’t want to hear it. When I tell her that she needs to diffuse the yelling, I get accused of not letting her vent. Any advise?
Last point:
She had the ceiling fan on medium last night and she detests that fan. Perhaps menopause?

quote:

Originally posted by 400m:
Ryanp225 you’re not wrong but that’s not what is happening now. She’s creating her own problems and contention on one or two subjects because of her own stubbornness, and thinks I’m going to listen to her complaining about it. Wrong.
If she needs help with rational resolutions, I’m here for her till my last breath. Leading and conflict resolution are a few of mans greatest attributes. Learning to do it without letting emotions run wild is the pinnacle. But I refuse to be the whipping post or chopping block for complaints of your own making. Take that crap to your girlfriends or mom.

You sound like you are very grounded and know how to rationally stand your ground without being tyrannical or emotional.
Being able to communicate and enforce healthy boundaries on what we are willing to put up with vs what will not be tolerated is the most important part of leading as a man. If you don't then the goal posts will keep getting pushed back and not in your favor. This is what the "happy wife, happy life" beta males get to live with. Rational men can maintain their framework.

quote:

When I tell her that she needs to diffuse the yelling, I get accused of not letting her vent. Any advise?
Last point:
She had the ceiling fan on medium last night and she detests that fan. Perhaps menopause?

Hormones do strange things to us all.
My girl and I have talked about what we call "day 25". That's usually the pms day when she goes from a perfectly pleasant to hyper sensitive and emotional. We both do our parts to mitigate any squabbles by her acknowledging that it's the day 25 time and I try to be understanding and loving to help her through it.
It may be a challenge to have a rational and honest discussion on that though. It's been my experience when you attribute strange emotional behavior to hormones they tend to get very defensive and go with denial.

Menopause is real and nothing to joke about. It can ruin/end any relationship.

quote:

Originally posted by 400m:
Then I misunderstood you and you have my apology.
The he-man reference is an old Little Rascals bit.
I did not tell her last night that I’m there til my dying breath but I did say we need to clear the air because it’s been stale for 2 or 3 days. She agreed. After this long of a marriage I understand she needs to vent but I will not listen to her complain about situations she promotes. Put plainly she locks horns with one of the kids. When the kid gets snarky and defensive she does too. She acts like a teenager herself. Sorry, bitching about the kids behavior is just wrong and I don’t want to hear it. When I tell her that she needs to diffuse the yelling, I get accused of not letting her vent. Any advise?
Last point:
She had the ceiling fan on medium last night and she detests that fan. Perhaps menopause?

Thank you. Advice? Per your questions, I couldn’t presume. Don’t know her age or medical history, but these are good questions for her. Don’t make it a mystery. We all age, and change physically as we grow older. You shouldn’t be the butt of her anger (of course not), but sometimes it’s easiest to attack those nearest and dearest because those are the folks we feel safest with when we are frightened or insecure. Kids do it all the time with their family. I hate to say it, but it’s kind of a compliment that she feels safe venting to you. Is it possible that the kid is deliberately antagonizing her to ruffle you both? Doesn’t mean there aren’t healthier ways to address this, and as an adult, she should be employing other methods. You might tell her bitching at you isn’t fair to you and your relationship with her, because it’s damaging.

And you should tell her that you’re there til your dying breath. Those words, timed correctly, may be all it takes to collapse all that anger in a moment and remember you’re her refuge.
I wish I had more to offer. Best of luck.