For the uninitiated, “hand fruit” is a neo-yuppie/millennial term for fruit. Specifically, a whole piece of fruit vs. cut up or prepared some other way.

Hand fruit.

I first ran into this term in DC a year or two ago, but not too long ago, I heard one of the aforementioned millennial neo-yuppie mothers ask her stroller-bound progeny if it would like a “hand fruit” and it reminded me how much I hate that term.

I feel somewhat better having publicly condemned it.

Thanks for listening.

-Rob

Kind of like hair bun. Yuck.

I’m gonna start making shit up too to bug millennials. I’m going to eat a hand hamburger for lunch. And then maybe a fork ribeye with spoon mashed potatoes for dinner.

Why? Why would someone call it that? Is it in case you get confused if they ask if you want some fruit, and hand you a slice of watermelon, pissing you off because you thought they were gonna give you the whole melon?

Would you like some fruit?

Oh no, I couldn't possibly eat the whole thing!

No, I meant a slice of fruit, for your hand.

Oh yes! I can do that! I can do hand-sized fruit!

Do they do it with other things too? Do they call steak "plate cow"?

plate meat.

Knuckle Sandwich

Raw toast.

quote:

Originally posted by airsoft guy:
Why? Why would someone call it that? Is it in case you get confused if they ask if you want some fruit, and hand you a slice of watermelon, pissing you off because you thought they were gonna give you the whole melon?

Would you like some fruit?

Oh no, I couldn't possibly eat the whole thing!

No, I meant a slice of fruit, for your hand.

Oh yes! I can do that! I can do hand-sized fruit!

Do they do it with other things too? Do they call steak "plate cow"?

"NO MOTHERFUCKER!!! I WANT SOME GODDAMN FOOT FRUIT!!!"

Why not just ask "Do you want an apple?" or "Do you want a piece of watermelon?" Etc. why replace "apple" with two words ?

(I would have used banana as an example but can't remember if it has an extra N or not :-)

To these people Fruits normal state is chopped up in a plastic cup.

The type of people that think steaks come from the meat department.

Meat missile.

quote:

Originally posted by shiftyvtec:
Knuckle Sandwich

I believe this is what should be served to these idiots when they say shot like this

Hand smack.

quote:

Originally posted by airsoft guy:
Why? Why would someone call it that? Is it in case you get confused if they ask if you want some fruit, and hand you a slice of watermelon, pissing you off because you thought they were gonna give you the whole melon?

Would you like some fruit?

Oh no, I couldn't possibly eat the whole thing!

No, I meant a slice of fruit, for your hand.

Oh yes! I can do that! I can do hand-sized fruit!

Do they do it with other things too? Do they call steak "plate cow"?

Reminds me of the joke about a baboon that ate a cue ball...

While I can see it used as a term to differentiate a class of fruit, the context you described is a ridiculous perversion. I'd prefer to know what I'm actually being offered rather than an entire category.

Maybe they'll make some toe jam with that hand fruit?

da fuq?

Hand Fruit?

Aw great. Now that I know that, I'm dummer.

Just when you thought you had gotten over hand fruit... Mrs.BurtonRW was thumbing through a catalog and came across...

SPOON FRUIT.

They mean jam. They also sell preserves, which they call preserves. Their jams they call “spoon fruit”.

https://www.spoon.com/blueberry-spoon-fruit.html

What the hell is going on with fruit these days?

-Rob

If I work with my hands is that am I doing a hand job?