I’ve posted on here more than once about my alcoholic sister; how she lets her alcoholism run her life and be an excuse for her anger issues. (She is 50 years old).

We’ve been distant for few months and today she wanted to know what, I asked if she was sure she wanted to have this conversation (over the phone) and she insisted.

I started to tell her about a dinner we attended together in January where she arrived exceptionally drunk and obnoxious; she broke a confidence that I had shared with her and it caused a bit of an issue between me and my GF.

She interrupted me and went from zero-to-sixty with an anger I’ve not seen from her before. She told me that both I and my GF can go-fuck-ourselves and then went on a pretty long diatribe about how much she does not like my GF and again, we can all go F ourselves.

This went on for about 20 minutes; I never raised my voice or yelled back, just listened. Then she went down the path of our sibling relationship is over if I am going to choose my GF over her…this was all so odd, I felt like I was having an out of body experience and watching from above.

I asked her if she was drinking now; that angered her even more. Truthfully I wish she had been, it would have helped explain her behavior. I know what her ‘under the influence’ voice sounds like, and she was using it.

We’ve always been exceptionally close and shared a lot of the same financial and spousal type issues. Over the past few years we’ve grown more apart and I got my personal finances in order and moved on from my divorce.

She kept trying to get me to hang up on her, which I would not do. I told her that at some point she was going to reflect back on everything she said to me tonight and feel pretty terrible … she disagreed. Finally she told me (and my GF) to go F ourselves one more time and hung up.

She and I have it out like this every 4 months or so, but I’ve never had anyone talk to me like she did tonight, not even people I have fired. Her attack on my GF was a shocking new twist and escalation. Trying to brush it off, but she crossed a line today (I told her that, she got angrier) and I am feeling a bit down that my relationship with my sister is pretty much over.


Glad to have a place to vent this out a bit.

I'm thinking that maybe it's time to move on with your life and surround yourself with encouraging and positive people.

You didn't get to choose your sister.

You do get to choose your girlfriend!


I don't remember where it says you HAVE TO deal with family. Especially family like that.

Yeah, she's an alcoholic. And at 50, it's probably pickled her brain. I had more than a few friends like that. Had... Rhymes with sad. And that's what it is.

There's nothing you can do about your sisters situation. The only one that can is your sister. Until she decides to crawl out of the bottom of the bottle, there's nothing wrong with cutting ties with her. The situation sucks.


Somewhere out there is a BiL that's "persona non grata". If I see him, something important on his body is getting broken. My other Brother in Law will probably kill him. My wife- his sister, will probably help hide the body. My Mother in Law won't let you say his name in her presence.
Piece of shit drunk. And that's the best thing I can say about him. The Family has been better off since dipshits forced departure. NEVER allowed back, even if asshole gets sober.

It's sad, unfortunate, heartbreaking, sucks.... All of it. Yeah, you miss them, and you wish things would be different, and they would change and bla, bla, bla...
But one day you actually realize that life is much better without that caustic person in your life.

Damn man, I feel sorry for you, I hope she gets help.

There are toxic people and unfortunately, your sister seems to fit the category.

Only one thing to do.... and only you can do it.
When you do, life will get easier and as time passes, you'll be glad you made the decision.

Sorry man, that stinks. Time to move on and just go on with your life, you don’t need that.

It’s my understanding that some people are actually ALLERGIC to alcohol and the mean/angry/nasty is their bodies reaction to it.

Reminds me of my brother.

He'll tell you that he was an abused child (he wasn't)

And in the next breath he'll tell you he can't remember anything about his childhood.

I can't see how he can reconcile the two statements, but he does.

Even when family members are terrible, they are still family. Is tough to get to that line that was just too far.

Sorry, sounds like this is a pattern every 3-4 months... Might be time for some boundaries. Lay them out, and be willing to hold to them.

Life is too short...

A substance abuser will choose the substance over family every time.

They will even watch you drown for a fix.

Being “family” is no excuse to treat someone like shit. It is also no excuse to allow someone to treat you like shit.

I disowned my sister years ago after a minor kerfuffle between my then 4 year old son and her 5 year old son. My son physically defended himself from her son’s repeated physical (albeit minor) attacks. She headed off like a charging rhino after my son and I stopped her.

She then left the family bbq in a huff she keyed our 1 month old minivan from front passenger door to wheel well. When I called her on it, she denied it but offered to cover my insurance deductible to “keep the peace”. Uh, no- you are now no longer a part of my life.

She managed to alienate nearly everyone in her life, including our father and her own son before she died alone in in 2016 at age of 55 in a facility being treated for sepsis due to rampant uncontrolled diabetes (which she denied having, saying Dr. was making it up)

I saw this posted the other day and it sums it up perfectly, “The people who are upset when you set boundaries are the ones who benefitted from you not having them”

quote:

Originally posted by 911Boss:
<SNIP>
I saw this posted the other day and it sums it up perfectly, “The people who are upset when you set boundaries are the ones who benefitted from you not having them”

And you sir, have summed it up so perfectly.

I've learned to set boundaries and to modulate the fucks I hand out to people who don't add positivity to my day.
I try not to completely oust someone from my life but what they say or do to me has less and less meaning if they continue to act like that.
The stoic's approach.

Just because you share some DNA does not give a relative permission to abuse you.
And I once got a refund on a funeral I paid for a deceased relative when all the other relatives (who could not afford the burial cost) complained that the service was not elaborate enough!

IMO you should not tolerate this kind of behavior. Next time she calls tell her that you will not talk to her until she has been sober for a full year and has the coin to prove it. Then hang up and don't answer her calls.

I’m 8+ years of no contact or conversation with my brother, strained my relationship with my parents to the point of very infrequent contact; they made their choice as they have for 40+ years. My mental health and sanity, became paramount and had to get away from a toxic situation. Prayers, tough decisions but sometimes there is no other option.

These life stories make my stomach tight, like a gut punch. When Mr. Booze gets ahold of ya, especially someone with a hateful disposition, until they bottom out or the liver goes there is nothing you can do. Hateful, angry relative. Good luck to ya.

“Never argue with an idiot, they’ll drag you down to their level and beat you with experience”. Mark Twain.

What is her problem with your girlfriend? Jealousy, perhaps? Is your sister divorced as well?

quote:

Originally posted by irreverent:
What is her problem with your girlfriend? Jealousy, perhaps? Is your sister divorced as well?

Not sure it's relevant, what she believes or thinks isn't important.

Separate yourself and your GF from her toxic mentality.

People like that regardless of type of relationship are bad for your health and your current relationship, focus on your future and leave her out of it..

Next time she calls and you decide to answer, when she starts in don't let her drag you into her conversation or let her drone on, it's what they want, you miserable as they are, so cut the call off and tell her to not call back, hell put her on ignore so it just goes to voicemail.

And I’m not sure it’s not. No one else asked because we are all so busy pushing her to the curb..

Yes, she’s poisonous. I hear that. He’s bothered by it, and has mentioned how close they’ve been in the past. Not everyone has the gift of lucid language, clearly his sis doesn’t anymore, if she ever did.
It is a sad situation any way you look at it. I’m simply offering another direction to view from.

quote:

It is a sad situation any way you look at it. I’m simply offering another direction to view from.

Agreed, didn't mean to come across being against your approach, it seems it's past that point and not worth hashing out, understanding the why isn't going to do anything, again JMO.