I'm not talking about a self absorbed person, I'm talking about a real, true clinical narcissist.

It is completely inconceivable to them that there is any reason to ever consider other people, or how their actions impact other people. They are truly just not capable. It is a mental defect.

I could go on and on, but I just hope you never have to deal with such a person because its infuriating to an infinite degree. I would walk away but I made a promise to my dad before he passed to take care of her.

That almost sounds like you are describing a sociopath.

Dealing with one now, the ex. She stalked my house and I had to call the PD. Now she’s internet stalking. Train yourself up. The flying monkeys will come. The smear campaign will come also. They say the most awful shit imaginable. There is no low they won’t go to, to insult you. Wherever you are the most vulnerable, they will strike. See a shrink yourself if need be, as recovering from narcissistic abuse is a thing.

They want what they want, when they want it, and when they don’t get it, hell hath no fury. The only path forward is No Contact. Block everything. Block their flying monkeys too. Repair, and move on with your life. I have a lot of experience in this space. Don’t get hoovered again.

This message has been edited. Last edited by: Prefontaine,

I din't believe you are required to honor that promise.

Sounds like someone has met my ex

Extricate or remove yourself from the entanglement.

quote:

Originally posted by sourdough44:
Extricate or remove yourself from the entanglement.

I cannot.. I promised my dad I would take care of my mother. His last thoughts were of her well being and making sure I would take care of her. He was a saint to deal with her for 60 years of marriage.

To top it off she is a true brain washed lib, and is deaf as shit and REFUSES to wear a hearing aid so the world must bend to her inability to hear shit, which is also endlessly painful.

I could write a novel on her behavior and you wouldn't believe it. She simply lives in her own world truly and any attempt to bring her to reality is futile and will be met with literal temper tantrums.

There is no changing or fixing it, she has always been this way.

I just needed to vent

Define "taking care of." Do you define it as taking everything w/out a peep or comment? Does taking care of mean lying down and being run over where you're not allowed to have (or at least express) your own opinion?

My dad passed a little over 2 years ago and I promised him on death bed the same thing; to take care of my mom, his wife of 63 years. My mom is similar in a lot of ways, but I speak my mind. Lovingly, with respect, but spoken. My definition of taking care of isn't ignoring reality, her affect on others, and/or not attempting to keep her in line with reality. YMMV.

I hope things get better for you.

Im not sure your dad wanted you to be a doormat and suffer a lifetime of abuse from your mom. Tolerating her behavior is the same as enabling a drug addict and so long as you tolerate her behavior she's going continue to abuse you. Id step away for a bit and let her manage her life on her own and maybe when she realizes you're no longer going to put up with her mess she'll adjust her behavior. If not some promises are made to be broken, no point in being constantly miserable, and maybe driving yourself to a early grave.

quote:

Originally posted by Lord Vaalic:
and is deaf as shit and REFUSES to wear a hearing aid so the world must bend to her inability to hear shit

Went through this with my dad until recently. They have no idea the problems they cause and the problems they make so much worse.

There are degrees of narcissism. Teenagers are classically self centered. The term comes from the Greek god who was so enamored of himself that he fell into the water and drowned while admiring his looks. Many Hollywood actors fall into this category. Gavin Newsom seems to fit the bill.

The mentally ill are so fun to deal with. Some are so talented that you don't have a clue where you are until their claws are deeply embedded. Then, of course, you feel like you can fix them.

You can't. Run far and run fast.

This isn't self centered, this is full blown narcissitic.personality disorder. they are not in the same.league..

She has been this way for decades. There is NO changing it. You may as well scream at the sun to not come up.

She is 82 and needs lots of help. Her memory isn't great, her back is bad, her balance is a concern. She needs to be taken care of. We haven't had a good relationship for years, but in the past I could stop in, have dinner, smile and leave or I would stay and talk to my dad while she went in the other room.

I could call her once a month, say hello, and move on. Now I have to deal with her. She would rather sit alone and miserable on her stubborn mountain of righteous indignation than ever give an inch on anything. I would normally and have in the past obliged her. She has alienated everyone around her.

There is nothing I would not do for my father. A mans last wish to his son is not something to be taken lightly. He knew damn well what he was asking and he asked me anyway.

Lime I said there is no fixing it, there is no talking to her. I just have to deal with it and vent a little.

I just needed to bitch to the invisible friends and the void a little.

Her days of independent living are about over. It would probably only take one fall. I would be looking at assisted living for her.

This is my stepmother. She's the prototype they tell you about freshman year of college, Psych100.

You’re doing what you know to be the right thing. You obviously knew what your father was asking of you and agreed anyways,
You are a good son and a good man.

Come here and vent all you need to.

Your father had no right to ask you to sacrifice your life for her.

"Take care" can mean a lot of things. Anything from arranging paid help as needed to you spending your life energy uselessly trying to make her happy.

I made a similar promise to my father re: my mentally and physically disabled sister. We put her in an assisted living facility where they are quite used to dispassionately dealing with such issues. It still took a lot of my time managing her finances and medical care. We visited her weekly or more, and had her to our home many weekends and holidays.

All of that was a big strain on my marriage and on me. It was the best we could do. My wife and I consciously worked to balance our needs with hers.

quote:

Originally posted by flesheatingvirus:
That almost sounds like you are describing a sociopath.

OP is describing someone who suffers from a Narcissistic Personality Disorder. If you construct Venn Diagrams for NPD and for Sociopathic Personality Disorder, they overlap to an alarming degree.

And a person who has both disorders (yes, that's possible) can interact with and move into the lives of decent, normal people. That can be calamitous.

My guess is your dad wanted you to take care of yourself as well. Don't forget about that part while you're figuring out what to do next.

My NPD ex decided to show up to my house today, again. This was after her getting a criminal trespass warning when she stalked the house (front and back) on Thanksgiving. I called the officer today on the police report to inform and left voicemail. I think the statute of limitations has passed on turning the warning she received into formal criminal trespass charges. She’s a teacher and charges could cost her, her job, and pension. The officer wanted me to press charges last month but I didn’t want this stupid decision of hers to cost her, her retirement money. But my patience is at its end. Harassment and Entrapment has been practiced on me by her and I’m tired of it. Narcissists only learn by consequence. They think they are superior to everyone else so they only learn the hard way. I’m tired of the flying monkeys and the bullshit. It’s time for a restraining order.