My two younger brothers and I saw this first hand. Our dad, on his second marriage, had some money (not enough to will to us but enough his wife could live on for a few years or five) and oil & gas royalties from his parents. During the last few years of my dad's life, my middle brother was there to help get him to the doctor (he died in pain from full body cancer) and make sure the bills were getting paid each month as step mom seemed pretty out of it.

Dad passes at home on a Friday night. Funeral was on Sunday. Brother heads to the bank Monday morning to make sure auto payments for a couple months are set up (he wasn't able to pull money or open additional payment options, only direct money to existing accounts). All accounts were emptied on Saturday morning before - about 10 hours after dad died, by his wife.

Brother went back to the house to gather his stuff and leave and literally, there was already a For Sale sign posted and movers at the house - about 60 hours after dad passed on Friday. Her right, we get it but daumn....

Vultures come to mind when this topic is discussed.

if you want to piss off your kids,
do little or nothing in the way of a will ,estate or trust,


unless they are extremely well off , it will be
swear words and tantrums for more than few years

quote:

Originally posted by irreverent:

quote:

Originally posted by CoolRich59:
In law school, my trust & estates professor told us: The first thing to do when the person passes on is to have all the locks on the doors changed.

Jesus. I am the executor for my folks, and while they told me the first thing to do was head to the bank, I never considered changing the locks... damn. The whole idea makes me sick to my stomach.

Don’t just change the locks, have someone you trust 100% to stand guard while you’re not there. While the funeral or visitation is happening you’ll have people break in and clean out a place.

My dad died unexpectedly while my sister and I were still minors, he had custody as my mom was out of the picture (they divorced when she went off to "find herself".
The estate wasn't huge, there was some patent income, etc.
There was a will, leaving everything to my sister and I.
Then there was another will supposedly signed in the hospital on the night of his death, leaving about 20% to my sister and I, the rest went to his half-sister and her husband, executors (both lawyers). No one stood up for us so they got way with everything leaving a small trust for my sister and I who went into foster care until our mother turned up about a year later. Never spoke to either of them again, what kind of sick people would steal from an 8 and 12 year old whose father had just died? Don't have much use for in-laws or lawyers ever since. (I've been told I have "trust issues")
When I turned 18, I pissed away what money was left to me so maybe it was a blessing in disguise I didn't inherit 5x more. Either way it was a hard lesson, learned young. Some people are scum. To an extent almost incomprehensible. And money will bring out their absolute worst.

quote:

Originally posted by CaptainMike:
My dad died unexpectedly while my sister and I were still minors, he had custody as my mom was out of the picture (they divorced when she went off to "find herself".
The estate wasn't huge, there was some patent income, etc.
There was a will, leaving everything to my sister and I.
Then there was another will supposedly signed in the hospital on the night of his death, leaving about 20% to my sister and I, the rest went to his half-sister and her husband, executors (both lawyers). No one stood up for us so they got way with everything leaving a small trust for my sister and I who went into foster care until our mother turned up about a year later. Never spoke to either of them again, what kind of sick people would steal from an 8 and 12 year old whose father had just died? Don't have much use for in-laws or lawyers ever since. (I've been told I have "trust issues")
When I turned 18, I pissed away what money was left to me so maybe it was a blessing in disguise I didn't inherit 5x more. Either way it was a hard lesson, learned young. Some people are scum. To an extent almost incomprehensible. And money will bring out their absolute worst.

Nah, Cap, like me, you'd have just sunk it into a bigger "BOAT".

quote:

Originally posted by Sailor1911:

Nah, Cap, like me, you'd have just sunk it into a bigger "BOAT".

You noticed his CUT?

quote:

Originally posted by V-Tail:

quote:

Originally posted by Sailor1911:

Nah, Cap, like me, you'd have just sunk it into a bigger "BOAT".

You noticed his CUT?

Well, my letter was nice, gentle and I left both my sisters weigh in before I sent...

It took 12 hours but my brother absolutely lost his shit and sent a reply that you would expect from a 12 year old...threats, name calling, the works. It was pointed out to him that THIS was exactly why he was removed which went over poorly as well.

I finally took the gloves off and sent him a pretty clear email telling him to go to a meeting, see his sponsor and to pull his shit together and that he is acting like a spoiled child....I know he received it because I got a 2 word email from him...."Fuck you"

Thanksgiving gonna be a hoot!

Good for you. Send him some AA literature as well. Tell him you plan an intervention for Thanksgiving. That should give him something to think about.

My wife's grandfather lived by himself in a small apartment and lived from social security paycheck to paycheck when he died.

The family attended his funeral and then went to his apartment to divide up his things. My wife's cousin and her husband had skipped the funeral and completely cleaned out the apartment. They even took the partial roll of toilet paper from the bathroom.

When my grandfather died, my piece of shit cousin showed up to the funeral pulling a trailer. These people are not unique nor scarce.

I'm thinking of wrapping my estate up in a trust and having it jump over my children, distributing it at some future date among any successful grandchildren. Or perhaps some type of annuity. My children can be pissed at me, who is dead, instead of each other.

My grand father died a few months after my grand mother. He had $50 in his checking account and no other assets. No one argued.

quote:

Originally posted by CaptainMike:
My dad died unexpectedly while my sister and I were still minors, he had custody as my mom was out of the picture (they divorced when she went off to "find herself".
The estate wasn't huge, there was some patent income, etc.
There was a will, leaving everything to my sister and I.
Then there was another will supposedly signed in the hospital on the night of his death, leaving about 20% to my sister and I, the rest went to his half-sister and her husband, executors (both lawyers). No one stood up for us so they got way with everything leaving a small trust for my sister and I who went into foster care until our mother turned up about a year later. Never spoke to either of them again, what kind of sick people would steal from an 8 and 12 year old whose father had just died? Don't have much use for in-laws or lawyers ever since. (I've been told I have "trust issues")
When I turned 18, I pissed away what money was left to me so maybe it was a blessing in disguise I didn't inherit 5x more. Either way it was a hard lesson, learned young. Some people are scum. To an extent almost incomprehensible. And money will bring out their absolute worst.

A very good friend of mine found a note from his dad's 4th wife to his dad as he was on his death bed that if she didn't get just as much in the will as his two children he would die alone. They'd been married all of two years. I'll be damned if his dad didn't change his will. Needless to say it was ugly.

Trust developed for my wife and self this sprint.
Took two nephews and a niece shooting several years ago.
Decided to leave the two boys my guns. Asked them if they wanted to be included.
One sent me an email saying he would be honored to be considered. Noted his military assignments could have him out of country or behind restricted states and he would have to make storage plans.
The other, I heard nothing. Sent a follow up email. Nothing. Finally called my sister and she told me her he didn’t think anyone should have semi-automatic weapons. I explained to my sister, he was an idiot since all three of the pistols he has had used were semiautomatic.
He’s out of the trust.
Another nephew has moved up a spot...
I’m glad I have this settled before I die. As I explained to my sister I was damned if I was going to leave my guns to someone who would have turned them into at the next the gun turn-in episode.
We all have concerns with what we wan t done when we are gone. Plan accordingly.

How many times have family members nearly broke their necks trying to be the first person to loot the old homestead. I've seen it happen firsthand in my own family and several times in others. People will justify absolute theft in those circumstances. A locksmith would need to live next door to beat the rush.

quote:

Originally posted by CoolRich59:
In law school, my trust & estates professor told us: The first thing to do when the person passes on is to have all the locks on the doors changed.

OMG As Successor Trustee, that was the first thing I did. His girlfriend had to move back to her home. Everyone else in my family wanted to give her 30 days. I said we didn't want tenants, change to locks. I was planning on selling the home ASAP to get on top of the housing boom.

One thing has not yet been stressed quite enough:

If you don't have a will prepared DO IT NOW. If your current will is not up to date with your wishes GET IT DONE NOW.

21 months ago we lost a cousin, single guy, retired, 70 years old, lived 1600 miles away from us. Passed away unexpectedly. I travelled there, spent 19 days taking care of final needs, cleaning out the house, etc. No will, so we had no access to bank accounts or records. Hired an attorney to handle the estate. Spent 11 months paying all of his bills (house payments, insurance, car payments, utilities, etc). Couldn't even shut down his alarm service, cell phone account, or cable TV because we had no formal legal standing to do so.

Took 5 months to get the court to act and appoint my wife as executor. We had to post a quarter-million dollar surety bond before we were allowed to do anything.

11 months of daily stress. Nearly $20,000 out of pocket before we were allowed to sell the house and finally settle the estate.

No wife. No children. Just 4 first cousins in 3 states. We did it all, split what was left with the other 3 cousins, barely recovered our expenses in the end.

If you don't have a will DO IT NOW. Don't leave your family to sort through your affairs and pay your bills indefinitely.

DO IT NOW. DON'T WAIT ANOTHER DAY OR WEEK.

Since it sounds like your dad is going to redo his estate documents, if the estate is large, he might consider putting bother's share into trust and have a commercial trustee handle the distributions. Discretionary distributions could be contingent on being sober, etc. Trust could provide for specific distributions - for example drug rehab. A good attorney can guide you through this mess. But you do not want to be the trustee if your brother's share goes into trust.

Well at least you didn't find yourself in my situation with my birth mother who my Dad divorced when I was 6 and he got remarried a few years later. She was a mess, lots of issues with alcohol, etc after the divorce and was never the same again, never took care of herself and was ALWAYS in the hospital. We kids still loved her and kept in touch and helped her out as much as we could and ended up putting her in a nursing home in NJ where she lasted a few years then passed from all her issues.

Not only did we not get any kind of inheritance, we children of hers had to PAY for her cremation and funeral.