My 90 y/o Dad, who worked his ass off his whole life, invested well and saved has a decent sized estate has been very clear in his wishes. All assets to be liquidated and everything put into the "pot" and split 4 ways between his 4 children...easy enough!

When will was modified a short time ago he named my brother as executor and gave him POA mainly due to proximity but also due to the fact my brother was (at the time, pretty financially savvy.

Since that time said brother has pretty much gone off the rails with heavy drug use (coke, meth and possibly heroin), he has done 3 stints in "country club" style rehab places where they convince him he is not the problem it is everyone else and twice used my Dad as an alibi when he has disappeared on benders.

The last time was in August and while he was away we (sisters, dad and I) decided that he needed to be removed from any decision making position on will immediately.

He is now out and against his sponsor and doctors wishes that he go to sober living for a while he is back home with his enabling wife and just invited himself to Thanksgiving, which for him is odd, but then the real reason surfaced...My Dad's accountant reached out to let us know that brother called him to ask about the maximum gift amount under the guise of "helping" distribute checks

I am in the process of drafting a letter to him that informs him of the changes and if he wants to talk to accountant he needs to do thru us and that our dad is under zero obligation to give us jack shit...Yes, his accountant suggested he gift us some money each year but it is not mandatory and it is insane that this greedy asshole would consider coming to thanksgiving just to ask for money.

This message has been edited. Last edited by: Kevmo,

I spent 30 years in the business of managing trusts and estates, not that this will help, but maybe a little, you aren't alone. Money, especially inherited money seems to give off a pheromone that turns some people into shrieking, howling-at-the-moon greed-heads. You're doing the right thing to get your brother's access ticket cancelled.

quote:

Originally posted by wishfull thinker:
I spent 30 years in the business of managing trusts and estates, not that this will help, but maybe a little, you aren't alone. Money, especially inherited money seems to give off a pheromone that turns some people into shrieking, howling-at-the-moon greed-heads. You're doing the right thing to get your brother's access ticket cancelled.

Thank you...there are 4 kids...3 of which tell our dad to spend our inheritance foolishly then there is scroodge McDuck who knows to the penny what his "cut" will be

Unclear - did y’all change the executor?

If so, ignore him.

quote:

Originally posted by Georgeair:
Unclear - did y’all change the executor?

And the PoA?

I'm sorry about your brother, that must be hard to know he's doing that to himself. I'd be beyond pissed at the thought he'd get to misspend a 1/4 of a lifetime's hard work and wise decisions. Maybe your dad could set up a trust for his benefit so that he doesn't OD and leave your dads lifetime of good decisions to a crappy wife.

Damn this makes me angry and I don't even know your dad, you, or your brother.

quote:

Originally posted by Kevmo:

quote:

Originally posted by wishfull thinker:
I spent 30 years in the business of managing trusts and estates, not that this will help, but maybe a little, you aren't alone. Money, especially inherited money seems to give off a pheromone that turns some people into shrieking, howling-at-the-moon greed-heads. You're doing the right thing to get your brother's access ticket cancelled.

Thank you...there are 4 kids...3 of which tell our dad to spend our inheritance foolishly then there is scroodge McDuck who knows to the penny what his "cut" will be

Sounds a bit like a situation I'm familiar with. 6 kids, and only 2 or 3 encouraging the parent to 'spend it all' & leave them nothing.
Actual quote was: "Spend all your money & come live with me" from one of the kids to the parent.

Sorry, to clarify, executor is now me, POA is one sister and medical is other sister (nurse practitioner )

quote:

Originally posted by Kevmo:
Sorry, to clarify, executor is now me, POA is one sister and medical is other sister (nurse practitioner )

Skins has a good suggestion. Trust FBO the brother for his share of the estate. Name a "Corp" Trustee, like a local bank as the trustee. Their Trust Officers are generally pretty conservative and are less likely than an individual named as trustee to make distributions for frivolous "needs". And, depending on how the trust language is defined regarding distributions, they can be required or discretionary by the trustee. Discretionary distributions allow the trustee to decide whether or not to make a distribution. Often used in cases where the beneficiary is not capable, has "issues" or is a spendthrift.

Money brings out the worst in people, I'm thankful all my parents left us was a lot of love and good memories.

Sounds like y'all got it figured out the right way, with distribution of the responsibility and access such that nobody has a way to screw anyone else over. Good work.

Not many times in life have I been appreciative for having come up "poor." Two of those times were when family members died, and all that was left were their physical belongings. Though there was still some oneupmanship, in general the family acted appropriately and no hard feelings were had.

My wife's mom left a mongolian cluster behind, oil income, land with multiple owners on the deed, no will, 5 kids and one with special needs requiring lifelong funding. Yeah, this one's gonna be a peach, hon.

I’ve dealt with similar. Both my parents were assholes to the point I had to raise myself. They don’t estates but when their parents passed they did the predatory thing. So my parents have come up and I told what few family members I have left to not bother me with any of it. I don’t want anything either, whatever money they have they can bury them with it for all I care. I’d rather receive nothing and not have to deal with family members breaking out their knives and trying to cut people. It’s shameful.

In law school, my trust & estates professor told us: The first thing to do when the person passes on is to have all the locks on the doors changed.

quote:

Originally posted by CoolRich59:
In law school, my trust & estates professor told us: The first thing to do when the person passes on is to have all the locks on the doors changed.

Jesus. I am the executor for my folks, and while they told me the first thing to do was head to the bank, I never considered changing the locks... damn. The whole idea makes me sick to my stomach.

Money and funerals shows people as they truly are.

quote:

Originally posted by irreverent:

quote:

Originally posted by CoolRich59:
In law school, my trust & estates professor told us: The first thing to do when the person passes on is to have all the locks on the doors changed.

Jesus. I am the executor for my folks, and while they told me the first thing to do was head to the bank, I never considered changing the locks... damn. The whole idea makes me sick to my stomach.

Yeah, like wishful thinker said, it really brings out the worst in people. To illustrate his point, my law school professor told us of an estate he handled.

The day the client passed away, he got a locksmith and went to the client’s house to change the locks. He arrived in time to discover one of the kids loading furniture onto a truck.

His rationale was “Mom always wanted me to have this”.

You think your family is all loving and close until it's time to close an estate. We went through it with my Mother. There's always at least one family member who thinks they're owed more than the rest of the beneficiaries. One of my sisters and her worthless husband promised to care for Mom's dog in return for Mom's car, then immediately got rid of the little dog.

My wife was executor of her Mother's estate. She took care of Mom's financials for over ten years and executed the will upon Mom's death. She couldn't disperse any inheritance monies until a property was sold. That took a substantial amount of time. One of her 7 siblings got upset because he wanted to make an investment and couldn't until he got his inheritance. He blamed my wife for the delay.

quote:

Originally posted by CoolRich59:
In law school, my trust & estates professor told us: The first thing to do when the person passes on is to have all the locks on the doors changed.

There was a sweet old lady I grew up next door to and she had no one so our family be friended her, visited her...I raked, mowed and shoveled for her but would also just sit and watch TV with her (her favorite show was Starsky and Hutch). When she passed, peacefully, alone in her home where my mom found her she called the one or two people she knew of and all of the sudden all these church people roll in and start carting shit off...it was sick

On a more positve note, our estate settlement went smoothly. Not to criticize anyone else who is having problems. We did not get along as children, but in this matter there was never an issue. If the inlaws had been involved it would have been a different story. The only reason I post this is to encourage others who have not been through the estate process is that it can be done. It was quite complicated getting things straight from a financial viewpoint, but never issues of mistrust and greed.

quote:

Originally posted by CoolRich59:
In law school, my trust & estates professor told us: The first thing to do when the person passes on is to have all the locks on the doors changed.

He wasn't kidding. That's one of the benefits of having an independent trustee, no hard feelings about stuff like this in the family, just the bank and their policy, not to mention the law which will state that the priority for the trustee or executor is to preserve the estate. A Yale Lock can preserve a lot.