I have no relationship with my family. Luckily 19 years ago, I married a wonderful woman. I have two kids and her family is pretty terrific. All that going for me and I can still relate to you. I will agree with H&K Guy and c1steve, you need a good woman. Mine is a special education teacher. I HIGHLY recommend finding one of them. Any woman who would spend her days working with special kids probably will think your crappy past is no big deal and will see you for the great guy you are.

There are a ton of opportunities to volunteer to help special needs kids. You will meet some of the best people in the world there and the kids sure could use the help. Any single woman you meet would be 1000 times better than anyone you meet in a bar or online.

As far as the extended family is concerned, that will always be tough. I wish it wasn't. As much as I know I made the right decision 12 years ago to walk away and shut my family out of my life, it is still difficult and sometimes painful.

Good Luck and God Bless.

quote:

Originally posted by LBTRS:
As a retired Navy Chief I can tell you that you need to get out and meet some people so you're not lonely.

Join a club (motorcycle maybe) and do some things with others. Go to church and meet some people, go to the American Legion, VFW, etc. and meet some people.

Heck, you don't need to get married to have a lady friend you can spend time with.

Don't sit at home and stew on your loneliness, get out and do something.

Best of luck Shipmate and hang in there!

This and I would include a cooking class.

Buddy, I'm right there with you. I have no real friends and my family is no longer. I have a sister but she is a disaster and we can't stand each other. I'm a cop and after 20+ years of dealing with people and their bullshit I can say I don't miss people as much as I thought I would. All cops dream of living in the middle of nowhere and not having any neighbors. I live in a city and have spoken with my next door neighbors maybe three times in ten years. I work nights and my schedule limits a lot of human interaction.

I am an introvert but I do get lonely. I have a dog and he is my saving grace. I couldn't live without him. He is a german shepherd and he is smarter than a lot of the people I used to consider my friends. I stay busy and am very active. I mountain bike, and am an avid flyfisherman. I love exploring the outdoors with my dog and looking for those magic unknown fishing spots on "No tell em creek". I try and travel out of country once or twice a year for a scuba trip. scuba is nice because no one can bother you with conversation underwater.

I have found that learning makes being alone a lot easier. So I try and learn new things by taking the occasional class or by reading. I also always have to have a project to work on. Okay I almost always have a list of 5 or so things i am working on. Lonely can suck but I have found that by staying busy It keeps my mind off of being alone in the world.

I will add my 2 cents, from personal experience.

My dad wasn't around when I was a kid, and it made a lasting impression on me.

I have vowed to always be in my kids life, and always close, so I can see them as much as possible. If the wife and I split up, I follow her, no matter what. She moves to Alaska, I move to Alaska. She moves to California, I move to California. Period.

I know you see him on the weekends, but if I was you, I would move out of Baltimore and back to NC. Change job fields if you have to. Petition the court for shared custody if possible.

Get him off of the games and into the outdoors with his dad. 4 wheeling together and hunting/camping/hiking.

Suppressed, I ended up about in Halethorpe. I repair nuclear medicine and pre-clinical systems for a German medical company. I cover mostly Maryland, but go as far as Delaware or Hampton Roads on occasion. It's a good job, and I like it. And it pays well enough I'm crawling out of the debt hole slowly.

I have taken little man on some short hikes, went a couple waterfalls. They were fun. Went to the highest point in Md; it was a 712 ft elevation change in a mile, not fun.

I think I needed a kick in the butt. I guess I was feeling like I'm the only one who deals with this because I don't interact with people much.

I could use a cooking class. Tired of pretty much the same things almost every day.

I appreciate the ideas.

Do you shoot trap? If so not far from you is a Thursday night trap shoot at Balto Co Game & Fish 3400 Northwind Road Carney 21234. Easy to get to, starts about 1730 and runs till 2030. Lot's of former military men and women I'm sure a couple of times there and you'll be family. As far as pistol/rifle we have finished the summer shoots but will be starting up the fall/winter plates/pins/bullseye then should have some combat style runs soon. Give it a try if nothing else you'll will blow out the spiders. Chris

quote:

Originally posted by Chris Anchor:
Do you shoot trap? If so not far from you is a Thursday night trap shoot at Balto Co Game & Fish 3400 Northwind Road Carney 21234. Easy to get to, starts about 1730 and runs till 2030. Lot's of former military men and women I'm sure a couple of times there and you'll be family. As far as pistol/rifle we have finished the summer shoots but will be starting up the fall/winter plates/pins/bullseye then should have some combat style runs soon. Give it a try if nothing else you'll will blow out the spiders. Chris

How do you become a member? Their website membership info page is blank. I have to spend a few hours every day at Goucher College for my son's swim practice and this is nearby. Might as well go shooting!

For starters, a belated "Happy Birthday" from far, far away.

Other members have already given excellent advice, and it's nice to see that you are thinking of a cooking class. Speaking for myself, although married and living in a hyper-crowded country (which I find awful), I have battled with depression for most of my life - and that means that I'm pretty much alone in a crowd.
One thing which helps immensely is a hobby with goals. In my case it's competitive shooting - I live for my weekly sessions and I've just returned from the IPSC World Shoot in France - super duper stuff.

Not much to add except many best wishes - hope you can pull yourself out of this particular ditch - make the effort and listen to what the good folks on this forum are suggesting.

I'm so sorry for your loneliness, we are social beings and everyone needs to be and deserves to be loved, cared for and respected.

So much thoughtful and valuable advice has already been shared.

I might suggest that sometimes there can be difficult and often painful associated challenges that come on when faced with all that you're going through. Situational Depression for example doesn't mean you're crazy or suicidal or that its a permanent state, but it can be devastating....and more importantly there are people/professionals who are awesome at helping out.

I would imagine that being retired from the military you might have VA benefits. Likely they will have excellent support services as well. I met a lot of great people there and it seemed that they offered a lot of activities, meet and greets as well.

Buddy- I am in a similar situation as yours. I immigrated from India when I was 18, to get away from a very dysfunctional, and physically abusive family. I have not talked to my parents since the early 1990s, and have little or no contact with any relatives even those that are in the States. For example, when I had cancer I left the contact in case of an ememgency space blank, because I have no one to call upon if it were to happen.
So, without writing my entire life story here, please send me an email( it is in my profile), and we can share experiences, etc., and maybe we can help each other out.
Be strong, my friend.
-Sid

This message has been edited. Last edited by: sidss1,

quote:

Originally posted by Suppressed:

quote:

Originally posted by Chris Anchor:
Do you shoot trap? If so not far from you is a Thursday night trap shoot at Balto Co Game & Fish 3400 Northwind Road Carney 21234. Easy to get to, starts about 1730 and runs till 2030. Lot's of former military men and women I'm sure a couple of times there and you'll be family. As far as pistol/rifle we have finished the summer shoots but will be starting up the fall/winter plates/pins/bullseye then should have some combat style runs soon. Give it a try if nothing else you'll will blow out the spiders. Chris

How do you become a member? Their website membership info page is blank. I have to spend a few hours every day at Goucher College for my son's swim practice and this is nearby. Might as well go shooting!

Our website sucks right now working on it or so we are told. Membership opens in June and one must have a sponsor, background check and on and on. Stop up on a Thursday and get to know some of the members you might just find some friends which may end up with a sponsor. We trap, rifle and pistol ranges up to 200 yards. Chris

Buddy, belated Happy Birthday wishes, and best wishes with your son, too. That close relationship will mean a great deal to both of you as he gets older.

There's a lot of good advice here, so I'll touch on just a few things.

I'm sorry church hasn't worked for you in so long, but perhaps some type of faith-based outreach or volunteer program might be a possibility to be able to meet people, help others, and receive some spiritual nurturing in return.

I like the idea of a dog when you find your housing situation allowing it. Maybe get a friendly rescue that doesn't look too intimidating that will be friendly and open to meeting strangers. A friendly indoor cat that gets along with the dog would be an added bonus.

I've heard good things about organizations like Events and Adventures as a way of meeting people and doing various activities of your choosing. I didn't see one in Baltimore, but I've heard that there are other, similar programs in other cities, so maybe something like that would be fun and allow you to meet people.

More than one have suggested a cooking class; I worked on project a while back where we were assisting a place with one of those and it looked like a lot of fun.

A ballroom dance class might be another possible place to meet people, but make sure you keep your breath fresh and any body odor in check for that one! Of course, that goes for everything, but when you're up close and personal on the dance floor, you don't want your partner for the evening to want to avoid you for the next evening or even the next dance.

Best of luck to you. I'm saying a prayer for you, too.

Buddy, I think just starting this thread and "talking" about what you're experiencing is cathartic. I get the impression that you are on your way to making some positive changes in your life to make it more fulfilling.

Lots of good suggestions for ways to fill the hours in a productive, enjoyable manner. I might add learning, or re-learning a musical instrument. Sincerely wish you joy in your life and fulfillment in the years to come.
T

Lots of good advice already listed. What about Annapolis for home games? A 10 year old should really enjoy that too.

quote:

Originally posted by OKCGene:
Hang in there brother.

Might I suggest finding some place to volunteer?

Best wishes to you.

This would be my recommendation too.

I volunteered to help out at a senior center a while back. It was just to help for an afternoon, but it was very fulfilling. I had a blast helping them, and they were very grateful for the help. I walked out of there just floating; I had not felt that good in quite a long time.

quote:

Originally posted by side_shot:
If you like pets get a dog. You meet lots of people when you take them for walks or the park ... .

Or a cat.

Being completely serious...buy a dog. Helps immensely. I've raised myself since 5, had a full time job since 10. Been on my own almost my entire life. I have 2 family members and not real close with either. 1-2 a year we talk. T-Day, X-mas I volunteer at the homeless shelter downtown. I got into dog training over 20 years ago. I like them more than most people. Friends, I have them but my best friend died in 2008. I ha e other friends but everyone is busy with their own lives. The hound will always be happy to see you and they are the most loyal creatures on the Earth.

OP,
I'm like Yooper...I can be left alone for weeks at a time and it doesn't bother me at all.

When I was out at sea for months at a time (even with 100 other people) I was "alone"...

I have a very few friends but know a lot of people.

I think how we deal with things (like your divorce) is up to ourselves....you can be "alone" but not be lonely....sorta like we are in control of our own happiness...It took me a long time to figure it out, I too got divorced and was separated from my kids...I made the effort to be in their lives whenever I could and after years it payed off for me. (The oldest one who is not my actual child, calls me dad and put me as his beneficiary when he joined the Army-his 1/2 brother came to live with me and hasn't spoken to his mother in 6 years)

I wish you the best in working this out....just know your imaginary friends are here to help if needed.

I have an estranged relationship with most of my family. My mom's side are all trailer trash and I do not associate with them, and my dad's side have always refused to speak English to me (1st generation) and since it's the only language I speak, I barely formed a connection with them.

But family's who you make it. You could be closer to veterans, gun club friends, car club friends, etc. than your blood relatives.

Go out there, make some meets of some things in your interest and you will meet likeminded people.

Blood relatives, meh. Most have passed, of the cousins, only a very few do I have any contact with on both sides of the family. The ones that I have no contact with, I've lost nothing. My wife is the same way. We have two adult children, does not seem to have harmed them in any way also.

I am the youngest grandchild on my father's side, the oldest great grandchild of my mother's side, my mother's side both my great grandmother and my grandmother married at an early age. My mother was an "old maid", she had me at 25.

In the past I have made overtures to my cousins on my mother's side, seems the only time I ever heard from many of them was when they thought I could help them out. that gets old quickly.

I have a lot of friends, only a few close friends. And they are dwindling as time marches forward.

Really can't give you any more advice that others here have not. Only thing I can add is to make the most of the time you spend with your son. And take care of yourself.