And how do you cope with being alone?

As a teen I was taken in by an older couple. I was part of their family for over 20 yrs. And I had my Navy family for over 20 yrs as well. I even married a woman and had a child and we were a family and part of her family.

After a few years I found that the wife and I couldn't work out and we divorced. I held on like an idiot for years hoping we'd work things out. Was never gonna happen. In the interval the older couple both passed. When she passed in 2014 her kids flat out told me (as soon as the funeral was over)I wasn't blood, so I wasn't welcome around them and their family anymore. And in 2015 I finally retired from the navy. My few friends were Navy and either in Hampton Roads, Spain, Hawaii, or WA state.

The nearest job offer to my son in NC was in Baltimore. Been here since. Working and doing nothing other than driving to NC and back two weekends a month which pretty much leaves nothing for discretionary spending. And since I'm a field service guy, I even work alone. I may go three weeks without seeing a co-worker and then for an hour or two. So I pretty much sit at home alone. I play Xbox, drink rum, and read. And that's about it. I do have weekends with my son which helps me stay sane at least. And a month or two back I did finally start a diet since I'd gained over 100lbs doing nothing. And this weekend I spend a few hours putting together (mostly) a lifting platform in the basement so I can start lifting again to get back into a non round shape. Waiting on the rack and weights.

I'm not suicidal by any means. But damn if I'm not lonely pretty much 24/7. And I doubt I'll ever trust a woman enough to marry ever again. The last one pretty much broke me and made it where I'll have to work til I die. And I love my time with my son, but 4 days a month isn't enough to help really.

Just wondering what folks in a similar situation do to deal with it? Maybe should be in What's your deal, but I'm not trying to vent, just trying to get ideas.

Double post

Shipmate, I am saddened to read your post. I hope that you are able to get some companionship soon.

Hang in there brother.

Might I suggest finding some place to volunteer?

Best wishes to you.

As a retired Navy Chief I can tell you that you need to get out and meet some people so you're not lonely.

Join a club (motorcycle maybe) and do some things with others. Go to church and meet some people, go to the American Legion, VFW, etc. and meet some people.

Heck, you don't need to get married to have a lady friend you can spend time with.

Don't sit at home and stew on your loneliness, get out and do something.

Best of luck Shipmate and hang in there!

Find a gym and work out there instead of your basement. More people around to meet.

try this site. meetup
There are all kinds of groups for everything you can imagine. Hiking, biking, exploring, drinking. Look around and find some that interest you and have a local meetup you're interested in.

I used that site when I was exploring abandoned places. Found some groups with hookups that could get small groups into some very interesting places.

You're in a huge metro area you will have no problem finding a group or five that do things yours into.

I have many acquaintances but few real friends. Some distant relatives. My son lives in NOLA and I may see him once a year. I spend most of my time alone.
And I am quite happy.
I think the key to beating loneliness is to be very comfortable with yourself and to focus on the things in your life that interest you and occupy your time.
And I have a cat!

I concur that you need to get out and mingle--join some kind of social organization. I never married, was an only child for 16 years, sister and parents are all dead, all the extended family I grew up with (aunts/uncles/cousins) are either gone or living elsewhere.

I spent 20 years in USAF, traveling around the world. But everywhere I went, I either joined a local church or became active in the Base Chapel, and sang in the choir. I've been singing in volunteer choirs for about 70 years, and the members of those choirs constitute my "family". Before retiring, my coworkers were also part of my "family".

Things to consider: Square Dancing; Elks, Lions, VFW, Am Legion, etc.; shooting clubs; church groups, classes, etc. There are bound to be some kinds of groups available to you of folks who share interests with you, and that you can find time to attend. Do it!

(YooperSigs, I hear you. I share a lot of your philosophy. And I have 6 "indoor" and 4 "outdoor" cats....)

flashguy

If you like pets get a dog. You meet lots of people when you take them for walks or the park mabey train for agility best of all you couldn't ask for a better friend.

Been down part of your path, living in a place I don't know and not having any family nearby.

I'm a good loner, but even then everyone needs to get out sometime for a bit. These worked for me when I was in a similar situation.

- Gym
- Local events, music, fairs, events, etc.
- Wine Tastings are a good event to mingle and talk to people.
- If you're religious, you can try that route. I'm not so I can't speak to it.
- Dog park, hiking, etc
- Military / Veterans groups / etc

It can be an effort to get out, so start small. Do one thing a week at first.

Also, it can feel strange going to these functions alone or making conversation about why you are there - my party line was "I saw something about this online / in the paper / on the radio / etc and thought it was worth checking out - I'm meeting some friends later and had some time to kill, so here I am".

That gives you an out to leave if you want if it's not your scene or you are done talking to someone in particular, etc, and also some cover to not being a 'crazy loner'.

quote:

Originally posted by side_shot:
If you like pets get a dog. You meet lots of people when you take them for walks or the park mabey train for agility best of all you couldn't ask for a better friend.

This! I agree that you'll meet a lot of people just taking your pup places and you'll get the benefit of exercise as well. But beyond that dogs provide a lot of companionship.

buddy357, your situation bumms me out.

I'm the last in my line, too. My grandparents, parents, and only brother have all passed, and here I am thinking I have at least another thirty years of being the last in my line. But my story isn't sad like yours because I have a good wife and six great adult kids and some grandkids for which I'm super-grateful!

Have you considered going to church? In addition to Christian fellowship, you very well might meet the love of your life there.

I can hook you up with the Mormon missionaries real quick!

Join the Shriners

There are also political clubs, if that interests you. Right after Obama won re-election in 2012 I joined the local Tea Party group. I have since become involved in Republican political groups and met quite a few good folks. If not for the fact that I have 2 small boys I would probably do more with the groups. They always have some type of meeting/event going on.

I have driven to Norfolk and Ohio to visit Navy friends a couple times. And I have dated a couple times in the couple years I've been here. Usually ends quickly when they realize I am serious about driving to NC and back four times a month so I can have two weekends with my son. Even joined a gym when I started the diet, but I am finding I don't have the patience or something to be around people as much anymore. I am getting where I dislike to interact with people, I shop as much as I can online. So I still need to get in shape and at least I won't not go because my only available time is when the gym is busy this way.

I did get invited to participate in the season games/training but that's only 6 weeks. Besides I am way out of shape so I wouldn't be able to run with the selects. Maybe by next year.

When I was in Whidbey and Norfolk the Fleet Reserve was active and I would go there some evenings, had friends there. Should look into that maybe.

Church is out for me. A messed up church is the reason I was on my own when I was taken in by the folks who did. I go a couple times a year now to support my son being in church events.

I can't have pets here, maybe if I move next year.

Ive been trying to be patient and hoping to transfer to either Richmond or Hampton Roads in a few years as the guys there are close to retiring. Richmond would get me very close to my son, Hampton Roads gets me back where I have friends.

I guess I really need to just man up and deal with it. It just hit a little harder that my birthday was last week and no one wished me happy birthday on my birthday. That I have no one who even cares. The ex had my son call the next day after we had words over it since I ensure he is prepared for her birthdays, Mother's Day and Christmas. I feel it's my responsibility.

I probably shouldn't have even said anything. damn.

Buddy,
Any decent ranges near you? I have met some very nice people just hanging out at the range and talking about what we had in common. Guns and ammo.

Hang in there man.
Peace.

quote:

Originally posted by comet24:
Find a gym and work out there instead of your basement. More people around to meet.

try this site. meetup
There are all kinds of groups for everything you can imagine. Hiking, biking, exploring, drinking. Look around and find some that interest you and have a local meetup you're interested in.

I used that site when I was exploring abandoned places. Found some groups with hookups that could get small groups into some very interesting places.

You're in a huge metro area you will have no problem finding a group or five that do things yours into.

This is a great idea. I used it also after I got divorced. I was in a few singles groups. Never met any women worth sticking with. But in the course of a few get togethers I met some people nearby with similar interests. My best friend right now was in a band we went to see at a meet up and I'm now good friends with him, his girlfriend, even his mom. Because of that I now have a bigger circle of friends and lots of things to do. I do hear ya on the money end, it's not easy when people want to do stuff that cost a bit.

Anyhow my family isn't close and I moved far enough away to not see my friends from before the divorce. It can be lonely. But I try to think about how great it is to do what I want when I want.

How old is your son? He doesn't remember to call you on your birthday? Does he send a card instead? An e-mail?

You mention a "messed-up church". You should know that not all churches are messed up. There are many different flavors and many instances within a flavor. I suspect that there might be one out there that you would be comfortable attending. And they are great places to mingle with like-minded people. If you went to a large one, you could even be more-or-less inconspicuous while you looked the place over.

flashguy

quote:

Originally posted by buddy357:
It just hit a little harder that my birthday was last week and no one wished me happy birthday

I probably shouldn't have even said anything. damn.

Well, happy belated birthday from me.

As far as "shouldn't have said anything," I disagree. You need to speak your mind.

I hope things work out for you. Sounds like starting the exercise program is a good first step.

If you can't have pets, maybe spend a bit of time volunteering at an animal shelter? You'll receive a lot of love, even if it's not from humans.

My son is ten. Hoping he will remember things like that soon. Right now he's too worried about playing games and not thinking about others.

I was raised in a church that thought a guy in Indiana was the second coming because his father intimated he was. A lot of messed up things happened there and made it hard for me to attend any church. Actually made it hard to start being around people at all. But I did. And I did attend the ex's church when married, but was never comfortable there. And wasn't welcome when it was all said and done due to the majority there being her family.

I will look into the meetup site. I don't really go to the range much anymore, as much as I wish I could.