What are your best verbal comebacks!?

November 10, 2017, 07:13 AM

Ronin101

Inmate: You are just an overpaid baby sitter!
Me: So what are you then?

Inmate: You are a control freak!
Me: I guess I picked the right career then!

Be careful when following the masses. Sometimes the M is silent.

I love it here!

My Gun collection:
Too many to list. Lets just say that the zombies should look elsewhere.

November 10, 2017, 08:14 AM

Ronin101

quote:
Originally posted by PHPaul:

My best ones are usually about 3 hours too late.

I pride myself of coming right back....but yeah I have had them pop in my head three hours later

November 10, 2017, 09:14 AM

Lt CHEG

quote:
Originally posted by terma-nator:
Hey George, the ocean called. They're running outta shrimp.

Well the jerk store called and they're running out of you!

God I love that show!

“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.”

November 10, 2017, 09:20 AM

Ryanp225

I have neither the time nor the crayons to explain it to you.

And the all time best comeback:
Oh yeah? Well...... YOU PLAY BALL LIKE A GIRL!

November 10, 2017, 09:32 AM

thezoltar

Just say "coming from you that doesn't mean much." This tends to confuse the insulter as to whether they are qualified to insult you and whether or not you just insulted them.

======
...welcome to the barnyard...some animals are more equal than others

_{"the meaning of life, is to give life meaning" ✡ Ani Yehudi אני יהודי Le'olam lo shuv לעולם לא שוב!}

November 10, 2017, 12:44 PM

liner

YEars ago in a pretty intense basketball game:

Guy: you grabbed my balls!
Me: Your girlfriend doesn't even grab your balls!

He than tried fight me and got thrown out.

Don't weep for the stupid, or you will be crying all day

Safety, Situational Awareness and proficiency.

Neck Ties, Hats and ammo brass, Never ,ever touch'em w/o asking first

November 10, 2017, 01:49 PM

1967Goat

10 years ago, my now wife and I were first starting to date. She had a big roll of singles for some reason. So, I said to her, are you headed to the strip club?

Her reply: Yep, tips were good!
<mic drop>

We still joke about that.

------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Yidn, shreibt un fershreibt"

"The Nazis entered this war under the rather childish delusion that they were going to bomb everyone else, and nobody was going to bomb them. At Rotterdam, London, Warsaw and half a hundred other places, they put their rather naive theory into operation. They sowed the wind, and now they are going to reap the whirlwind."
-Bomber Harris

November 10, 2017, 03:29 PM

PHPaul

quote:
Originally posted by kz1000:
If I wanted to hear from a asshole I would have farted.

If I wanted any shit out of you I'd squeeze your head.

US Navy variant: "If I wanted any shit out of you, I'd screw the top off yer head and dip it out."

Be careful when following the masses. Sometimes the M is silent.

November 10, 2017, 08:43 PM

EasyFire

Sadly I am an expert at carriage humour. You know that comeback line you think of after you are in your carriage on the way home.

EasyFire [AT] zianet.com
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November 10, 2017, 09:09 PM

SigSauerP226

Not a real wowzer, but my favorite answer to any inmate complaint possible, "Don't like it? Don't come to jail." Usually given when I'm just sick of their bullshit. There is nothing they can complain about that this doesn't effectively answer.
In response to the idea of the original post, a black inmate called me racist because I told him he would have to wait his turn to use the hair clippers. I pointed at two other black inmates behind him who had used the hair clippers first out of anybody and said, "I suppose you don't think those dudes are black?" Not a real zinger, but shut him up quick and resulted in the other inmates laughing at him.

...Then it comes to be that the soothing light at the end of your tunnel, is just a freight train coming your way...

November 10, 2017, 09:35 PM

jljones

quote:
Originally posted by sigmonkey:
A monkey walks into a bar...
I forget the rest, but your mom is a whore.

I ll take anal bum cover for $600.