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Favorite Deadwood Quotes Thread - In Honor Of Deadwood: The Movie

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April 30, 2019, 12:00 PM
PASig
Favorite Deadwood Quotes Thread - In Honor Of Deadwood: The Movie
Rather than clutter up the Deadwood movie thread with this, I thought I'd start one where people can post JUST their favorite quotes from Deadwood.


I'll start, my favorite pair were EB Farnum and Richardson:


"I caught you, Richardson! Stuffin' spitbacks in your vile maw. 'Let tomorrow's omelets go empty.' Is that your fuckin' attitude?"
"You hurted me!"
"Shhh! Wash and stack, shit monkey, or ready yourself for worse."


April 30, 2019, 12:07 PM
Ryanp225
Bullock: "Will I find you've got a knife on you?"

Swearengen: "I won't need no fucking knife."
April 30, 2019, 12:16 PM
PASig
Francis Wolcott : This oatmeal looks old.

E.B. Farnum : It does, doesn't it? Richardson, Goddamn you! The oatmeal is clotted.

Richardson : Well, it's 45 minutes yet till the three hours.

E.B. Farnum : Stop spouting gibberish and replace the damned oatmeal.


April 30, 2019, 12:25 PM
rusbro
^^^ I absolutely loved E.B. and Richardson's interactions, and E.B.'s way of speaking in general.
April 30, 2019, 02:16 PM
Jim Shugart
Well, someone has to say it; might as well be me. Big Grin





When a thing is funny, search it carefully for a hidden truth. - George Bernard Shaw
April 30, 2019, 07:17 PM
Garret Blaine
Ellsworth: Goddammit, Swearengen, I don't trust you as far as I could th'ow you, but I enjoy the way you lie.


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April 30, 2019, 07:25 PM
Infidel
Al Swearengen: You can't slit the throat of everyone whose character it would improve.

This one, though:
quote:
Originally posted by Ryanp225:
Bullock: "Will I find you've got a knife on you?"

Swearengen: "I won't need no fucking knife."

Straight from the bastard who pulled his knife when he was losing the fight Smile




I hate offended people. They come in two flavours - huffy and whiny - and it's hard to know which is worst. The huffy ones are self-important, narcissistic authoritarians in love with the sound of their own booming disapproval, while the whiny, sparrowlike ones are so annoying and sickly and ill-equipped for life on Earth you just want to smack them round the head until they stop crying and grow up.
- Charlie Brooker
April 30, 2019, 07:28 PM
NavyGuy
Swearengen. Also like Bullock and Dan Dority.

Joanie Stubbs is a treat. "let's go inside my pussy's getting cold"

Really no bad characters or miss matches in the show.



Men fight for liberty and win it with hard knocks. Their children, brought up easy, let it slip away again, poor fools. And their grandchildren are once more slaves.

-D.H. Lawrence
April 30, 2019, 07:48 PM
nukeandpave
Al to Dolly-
Saying I like you hefty doesn't mean you couldn't stand to lose a couple of fuckin pounds.
April 30, 2019, 09:36 PM
PASig
Al Swearengen:

“Bad news or tries against our interests is our sole communications from strangers, so let’s by all means plant poles across the land and festoon the cocksuckers with wires to hurry the sorry word and blinker our judgments of motive.”


May 01, 2019, 06:30 PM
Sigfest
E.B. When he saw the Reverend going into Als.

Tit licker!!

Think it was Wu episode.
May 01, 2019, 08:43 PM
jhe888
Motherfucker




The fish is mute, expressionless. The fish doesn't think because the fish knows everything.
May 02, 2019, 10:21 AM
PASig


“I am having a digestive crisis and must focus on suppressing its expression.”


May 02, 2019, 03:24 PM
ronin11
Al to Joanie: Pardon my French (after dropping the 'F' bomb)

Joanie to Al: Oh...I speak French (sexy as hell)
May 02, 2019, 07:56 PM
Gear.Up
I think this is my favorite from all episodes.

“Pain or damage don’t end the world, or despair, or fucking beatings. The world ends when you’re dead. Until then, you’ve got more punishment in store. Stand it like a man and give some back.”
May 04, 2019, 11:30 AM
4859
I love any quote that has Hoople Head in it. Especially when Al says fucking Hoople Heads.


-----------------------------
Always carry. Never tell.
May 04, 2019, 03:18 PM
oilpatch29
Wild Bill Hickok:
You know the sound of thunder, don't you, Mrs. Garrett?

Alma Garrett:
Of course.

Wild Bill Hickok:
Can you imagine that sound if I asked you to?

Alma Garrett:
Yes I can, Mr. Hickok.

Wild Bill Hickok:
' Your husband and me had this talk, and I told him to head home to avoid a dark result. But I didn't say it in thunder. Ma'am, listen to the thunder.


-----------------------------------
May 07, 2019, 12:30 PM
PASig
The most epic conversation between Al and Wu:

Mr. Wu: Au. Ho... Heyan.

Al: And these two.

Mr. Wu: Bok Gwai Lo... cocksucka!

Al: Yeah, glad I taught you that fuckin' word. These are whites, huh?

Mr. Wu: uh, white cocksucka! (Pulls out dope bag)

Al: Two white cocksuckers killed him and stole the dope that he was bringing to you.

Mr. Wu: White cocksucka! You, Swe'gen (gestures to the bag and Al)

Al: The dope that you were gonna fuckin' sell to me?

Mr. Wu: White cocksucka.

Al: These two white cocksuckers? Who the fuck did it?

Mr. Wu: Wu!

Al: Who, you ignorant fuckin' chink!

Mr. Wu: Wu?!

Al: Who?! Who?! Who stole the fucking dope?!

Mr. Wu: Cocksucka!

Al: Aw, Jesus.


May 07, 2019, 12:56 PM
YellowJacket
Calamity Jane made me laugh more than anybody else.

"I don't drink where I'm the only one who has any balls."

"You are not my target but keep fuckin' bothering me and I'll add you to the list."

"I burnt my fuckin' snatch."



I'm gonna vote for the funniest frog with the loudest croak on the highest log.
May 08, 2019, 08:35 AM
wingfoot
In the Mr. Wu episode Al is having E.B. count the money for the bribes in Yankton sp? It's not so much as what Al says but the look on his face watching E.B., cracks me up everytime.

Al Swearengen: As damp as your hands are, why do you continuously lick your fuckin' thumb?
E.B.: Habit, I suppose.
Al Swearengen: Could you learn the habit of lickin' a fuckin' stump?