Parabellum, this is a copy of an email I just sent to you, I am posting it here, because I don't know if or how often you check the address listed in your profile. Hopefully you are willing to make an exception for my buddy Steven and his family.

I know this isn't allowed, but in the past you have made exceptions. I just talked with my best friend, who's son hung himself last night. They live paycheck to paycheck and have no family support to help cover the funeral costs. I would like permission to put a gofundme on SIGforum and see if any of the members would be willing to contribute to his final expenses. My wife and I are going to be doing all the research and try to find a funeral home for him because he's too distraught to even think straight. I'd really appreciate it if you allowed me to post it. He watched his son die right in front of him, he heard the noise went to his room and tried to get him down, but was not fast enough to save him. With all he's going through, I just want to be able to take something off his plate.

Thanks for putting me in a position to have to say no to this publicly.

You sent me an email at 9:13 AM. Not even an hour has passed since then, and you're posting this in the open forum. That's really great, and it makes a lot of sense, too.

You're posting this horrible story about someone who is not even a member of this forum, and putting me in a position of pointing out to you something you already know, namely, that we no longer allow crowdfunding on this site because it got out of hand. I do make exceptions from time to time for forum members, but you're asking for this forum to be allowed for collecting funds for someone we don't even know.

I can't even begin to tell you how furious it makes me that you would pull a stunt like this. Asking me in private is one thing, but asking me publicly and basically PUSHING me for an answer is absolute bullshit. Do you want SIGforum to take on the misery of the entire world? Or do you just want us to take on the misery of people you know? We can't fix the world.

Thanks. Thanks a whole Goddamned Hell of a lot.

Don't ever again pull a stunt like this.

Don't worry. Your email address is published in your profile. You've tugged on some heart strings. You'll get some cash out of this stunt, I've no doubt of that. In the meantime, you've managed- by defying well-established policy- to make me look like Simon Goddamned Legree

Oh, hi again. It's me. I notice you haven't responded to my post. It's been 47 seconds, so, I just wanted to make sure you saw this.

Sorry, just delete the post. I don't feel like arguing with you. I understand the rule, why it exists, and the reason you said no. I really don't need to be yelled at right now. I just lost someone who was like family to me.

I've never emailed you before, I don't know how often or if you check the email.

You don't feel like arguing with me?? You're out of your fucking mind!!!!!!!

There's nothing to argue about!

How many times have I addressed this issue? How many times have I said "don't even ask, because the answer will be 'no'"? And yet, here you are, putting me in this position.

There's no argument to have, I know the rules, I asked for an exception that had almost no chance of being allowed.

Thank you for considering it, and I respect the answer, just wish you had been nicer about it.

Please just delete the post.

Do you know how many GODDAMNED TIMES I've had to say 'no' to this kind of thing publicly? It's absolute BULLSHIT!!!!!

How much clearer could I have made it? Does saying it 27 times to the forum fall short of the mark, but oh, number 28 is fucking golden?!

But don't you worry, because everyone knows I have no heart, no love for my fellow man, huh????? I kick puppies in my Goddamned spare time!!!!

It's a rule, and a valid one. I have no problem with the answer. I knew the was a near zero chance of being allowed. I don't know how many times it's been asked or granted. I'm sorry I asked.

I don't think it means you are a mean person. I know you have good reasons for it and don't want members to be taken advantage of or see twenty different postings for everyone's various causes.

Once again, I'm sorry just please delete it, I should never have asked for the exception.

OK, I am going to allow this fundraiser to be posted in the Lounge. To avoid any confusion as to why, here's the email I received which changed my mind:

________________________________________
From: ****************************
Sent: Wednesday, October 7, 2020 11:02 AM
To: webmaster@sigforum.com
Subject: Apologies

Good Morning Sir,

I am the wife of (redacted) (skins2881). I thank you for providing us this wonderful community and maintaining order.

I apologize (redacted) may have seemed to be backing you into a corner publicly, and I wanted you to know that was nowhere near his intent nor did it cross his mind that would be the effect when he did it. Please try to understand his state of mind. His best friend's son, who we know and care about dearly, just committed suicide in front of the father and sister. We got the news this morning and have been fluctuating between a state of shock and just balling our eyes out. We have moved on recently to thinking about what we can do to help this family.

(redacted), having sold life insurance in his early years realized the cost and burden of funerals, and we know our dear friend is very poor without insurance and most of his family is gone or incapable of providing support.

He reached out to you for permission to post a gofundme site, understanding and respecting the policy you have in place, but seeing if you would allow an exception. Since he sent that email, he has been sitting there refreshing his phone and pacing. He has put himself in a position to do something for our dear friend and is holding himself accountable Yes, he was being inpatient, but please understand, he probably needs to be doing something right now to keep his mind off the negative. He did not know if you would be checking email, and that is why he posted - in urgency to do something and help our friend.

I kindly ask if you can please forgive him, and also to reconsider his request. Everyone will be okay if you deny it, but I was hoping you may think of the request differently if you realize this was not an attack on you.

I understand our friend is not part of the community, but he is a meat and potatoes kind of guy that does not use internet. He is a kind, generous, and humble soul that I'm sure anyone would feel really good about helping.

Thank you for your ear, and thank you for the sigforum community. The enough about cats thread has given me so much joy, as well as the kind hearted stories and freely provided advice.

-(redacted)

Para

On a personal note, I would never think of you as having no heart. Just by providing this forum for as long as you have proves that.

I haven't been a member very long but I've lurked since about 2001. Back then I had just moved to a new state, my fiancé had left me, basically no friends and worked swing shift at the mill.

I remember with fondness one of the few pleasures I had was coming home from a long shift and reading forums such as this one until I dozed off. Hell, maybe even kept me from really losing my shit.

There is just no limit,

I can't even begin ,

Para, you are a damn good dude.

I’ll never meet you, I think, but just wanted to let you know that your approach, logic, and insight has helped me (and a lot of forum members) to be better people.

Not flattery, just the honest truth.

Para you never have to worry about how we perceive you, we wouldn't judge you on how you deal with the intricacies of forum management. We don't see you as harshly as you might think based on your post. Anyone who has read through the forums knows your generosity and integrity. Though we don't have to deal with the stress of the forums we all fully recognize you handle it better then we could hope to.

All said and done you owe no one any explanations and no one has the right to judge your actions. People will judge by their nature and you always shine when they do.

^^^
In full agreement.

Para,

You are never short on surprising me. Hard not to appreciate that. 20 years this month - and this is still the place.

Nothing destroys a man more quickly than witnessing those he loves being denigrated or diminished in some way - and being powerless to mitigate it.

Skins is also a good man. And as men, we are unnerved at times at things we witness as having no control over. It drives impatience and can have us grasp at straws.

I see what you did there.

I'm glad I opened this thread.

Thank you. God bless everyone involved.

^^^^^
my thoughts as well impressive all the way around