Whats the difference between an epileptic oyster shucker and a prostitute with diarrhea?

One of them shucks between fits.

What do you get when you cross Mike Tyson with an exorcist?

Beats the hell out of me.

what do you call a woman with one leg longer thasn the other?


Eileen.

What do you call her if she's Chinese?

Irene.

What do you call the area around a fortune teller?
Prophet margin.

quote:

Originally posted by LtJL:
what do you call a woman with one leg longer thasn the other?


Eileen.

What do you call her if she's Chinese?

Irene.

A quadriplegic in the pool?


Bob

If women with big boobs work for Hooters, where do women with only one leg work?
IHOP

Why does Tigger smell bad?
Because he’s been playing with Pooh.

Why is six scared of seven?
Because seven eight(ate) nine.



(Kid-safe jokes, comes in handy working in pediatrics

What did the fish say when he swam into a brick wall?

Dam!

Sarah Jessica Parker walks into a bar.
The bartender says "Hey, why the long face?"

whaddya call a guy without arms or legs in your bushes?



Russell

Where do you find a dog with no legs?

Same place you left him.

what's the difference between a female track star and a sly pygmy?


one is a cunning runt

Why don't blind people skydive?
It scares the shit out of the dog.

quote:

Originally posted by gocatgo:
Why is six scared of seven?
Because seven eight(ate) nine.

It really didn't like 12. 12 is a registered multiple six offender.

Blonde goes into the store, wants one of those new, high-tech bottles that keeps hot stuff hot, and cold stuff cold. Though she's skeptical, she believes the store guy, and buys one.
Next day at work a coworker inquires if it really does keep hot stuff hot, and cold stuff cold. Blonde says "YEP". coworker sez "Whaddya have in it?" Blond sez "Two cups of coffee, and a popsickle."

What do you do with an electric wok?


Throw it at an electric wabbit.

took my dog with no legs out for a drag this morning. I used to take him in a wheelbarrow, but he scented a coon one time and like to run my legs off.

A clown on a tricycle is riding down the highway... when suddenly he comes across a juggler.
"Where you off to on this glorious day, my man?" called the juggler. The clown responds, "I'm going to Texas. They say an old lady named Edna makes an amazing fruit punch!" The juggler is intrigued, so he decides to tag along.

Further down the highway, the pair come across Ted Cruz, his car broken down. "Hey there fellas, any chance you could lend a hand?" calls Cruz. The clown responds, "Sorry, I'd help, but I've no phone." "Neither do I," says the juggler, "but even if we did, we're a little busy. We're heading down to Texas for this amazing fruit punch made by someone named Edna!" Curious, Ted Cruz tags along.

Further down the road, they find Jesus and the Bhudda sitting by the road having a philosophical discussion. As the group travels past, the pair notice. "Hello, my children," says Jesus. "Where are you heading to on this fine day?" asks the Bhudda. Ted Cruz says, "We're heading to Texas. Apparently a lady named Edna has an amazing fruit punch recipe and we're going down there to try it." Wishing for a drink, Jesus and the Bhudda decide to join the party.

So Jesus, the Bhudda, Ted Cruz, a juggler and the clown on the tricycle finally reach Texas, and sure enough, they find the house of the lady named Edna, surrounded by numerous people. Trying to get a sense of order, the clown asks a man, "Excuse, where do we go to try some of Edna's amazing fruit punch?" The man replies, "Normally folks form a line at the door, but seems Edna's fallen ill, so she's not making any today."

The juggler responds, "What? There's no punch line?"