...Then it comes to be that the soothing light at the end of your tunnel, was just a freight train coming your way...
May 31, 2019, 06:16 PM
cndrdk
Q: Why do ducks have flat feet? A: from stomping out forest fires
Q: Why do elephants have flat feet? A: From stomping out burning ducks.
May 31, 2019, 06:23 PM
NavyAgShooter
Sis Boom Bah
What is the sound made by an exploding sheep?
May 31, 2019, 06:51 PM
GWbiker
A State trooper stops a redneck speeding down I-81.
Cop to driver: "Do you have any ID?"
Driver: "'Bout what?"
********* "Some people are alive today because it's against the law to kill them".
June 01, 2019, 06:44 AM
tk13
quote:
Originally posted by kkina: What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.
What do you call a masturbating cow?
Beef stroking off
June 01, 2019, 08:21 AM
Eponym
What's the difference between a hippo and a Zippo? One is really heavy and the other is a little lighter.
June 01, 2019, 09:14 AM
Floyd D. Barber
Did you hear about the escaped lion at the National Zoo today? One of the keepers left a door unlocked for a minute and one of the older lions managed to get out of his cage. He wandered out and laid right down in the middle of the main walkway. They had to call for an evacuation of the zoo.
The bad part of it is that this happened at the worst possible time. Many people don't know it, but the National Zoo is the site of a long running experiment in prolonging life. The zoo thinks that it has found the secret to living forever. In fact in this experiment they have some porpoises that have been living for many, many decades. Scientists think that they will never die. They have found out that as long as they are fed a diet of young seagull meat at exact 6 hour intervals the porpoises will never age. But if they miss just one feeding the everything goes back to normal. That batch of porpoises will die and the experiment must be started over from scratch.
So the zookeepers were at an impasse. The lion was blocking the only entrance to the porpoise feeding room. They were frantic that years of work were about to go down the drain. Finally the bravest of their number spoke up and said "That's about the oldest lion in the zoo, and he has always been friendly with me. Give me the bucket of young seagulls, and I will take a chance on getting past the lion and getting the porpoises fed." So his co-workers all wished him well, handed him the bucket and watched out the windows and he went striding off. Can you guess what happened?
He took the bucket of young seagulls and went down the walkway and stepped over the old lion with no problem. But after he did some cops showed up and arrested him. "Why did you arrest me?" he asked. The cops replied "We arrested you for carrying young gulls across a staid lion for immortal porpoises."
__________________________________________________________________________________ ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Always remember that others may hate you but those who hate you don't win unless you hate them. And then you destroy yourself. Richard M Nixon
It's nice to be important, it's more important to be nice. Billy Joe Shaver
NRA Life Member
June 01, 2019, 03:15 PM
zoom6zoom
"This bread tastes fishy" "Well, I made it will all-porpoise flour".
Disclaimer... imagine my feelings when i came to post this and the previous post was about... porpoises.
I have my own style of humor. I call it Snarkasm.
June 01, 2019, 03:25 PM
.38supersig
Guess it was multiporpoise?
June 01, 2019, 04:38 PM
ShouldBFishin
quote:
Originally posted by kkina: What do you call a cow with no legs?