Who do you trust? Your wife/husband? Your best friend or a set of friends? Your family?
A little information so there are facts. I am 51 years old, I own my own business that's pretty successful, I was married for 16 years and I've been divorced for 8 years. I have a 19 year old daughter from that marriage, no other kids.
Now on to the trust issues.
Was dating a woman that was 10 years younger than me and it was going pretty well. Beautiful woman with what I thought was a nice personality and set of values. Turned out to be horribly wrong.
She got to know my friends, some of which I've known since grade school and then turned on me. Some of my good friends also.
One of my friends from grade school that I've known all my life recently ended a relationship with a girl he was engaged to. It happens. Next thing I know, I was accused of wanting to sleep with my friends fiance. WTF?
I was friends with both of them. There was never anything more than friendship.
Who started it? The woman I was dating.
My friend who was engaged to the girl sent me a text asking how I could break man code and date his ex fiance. I told him I could never do that and would never do that.
Well, it spread like rumors always do. Next thing I know, I'm getting sideways glances from my friends I've known for a long time.
What did I do? I basically told every one to fuck off. Trust has been broken.
I am now in monk mode and don't trust anyone. Family, yes but that's it.
I'm not going to beg anyone to like me or plead for forgiveness in something I never did.
Trust is a very valuable thing and as I'm finding out, very easy to break.
Rant over.

sorry that happened - but you can recover

kinda surprising the people who knew you all your life were so quick to jump to the negative conclusion without getting your side of the story

i have several close family members and friends that i trust a great deal - but in the end - you may never know...

had a friend who said - 'you come into the world alone - and you leave alone...' in my mind - in every interaction you should have a back-up plan

in your case - imo you should try to reconcile with those close friends

hopefully in a couple years you will look back and laugh at the 'crazy chick' you dated back in 2019 - glad she is long gone...

life is too short to carry a grudge

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Trust is easily broken and lost. She filled his head with garbage. You need to sit down with him and explain you did no such thing. Not in a stupid text. You're not a teenager. Go see your lifelong friend and sit down and talk. If he won't listen then it sucks that you've lost a friend. But don't let it die this way.

quote:

Originally posted by Lord Vaalic:
Trust is easily broken and lost. She filled his head with garbage. You need to sit down with him and explain you did no such thing. Not in a stupid text. You're not a teenager. Go see your lifelong friend and sit down and talk. If he won't listen then it sucks that you've lost a friend. But don't let it die this way.

I did, he won't talk to me. I called him and he didn't answer. Left a voicemail for him to please call me back. Hasn't yet.
I can only do so much and reach out so far. I was going to stop over to his house but he now is with his parents after the breakup with his fiance. He moved in with her and she kicked him out when it ended.
Not going to start any trouble by just showing up at his front door.

sounds like a lot of drama for a 51 year old. date someone your age that isnt crazy...the end!

Women should realize we want to get with every hot gal, it's only human nature.
Acting on those emotions is a completely different thing.
Some can't figure that out.

This says it all:

I guess I don't get it. Why does he think you dated his ex? Or he thinks that you simply want to and there's nothing more than that? If the latter, this guy sounds a bit juvenile, especially if he's never even talked to you about it.

quote:

Originally posted by smschulz:
Women should realize we want to get with every hot gal, it's only human nature.
Acting on those emotions is a completely different thing.
Some can't figure that out.

Apparently some dudes have trouble realizing that as well.

quote:

Originally posted by Ronin101:
sounds like a lot of drama for a 51 year old. date someone your age that isnt crazy...the end!

Way to much drama and I don't do that. It irritates the Hell out of me.
Right now, my plans just involve me, no one else.

I can only comment that when I was in canine search and rescue, our mantra was “Trust your dog.”..I never went wrong following that.

quote:

Originally posted by Balzé Halzé:
I guess I don't get it. Why does he think you dated his ex? Or he thinks that you simply want to and there's nothing more than that? If the latter, this guy sounds a bit juvenile, especially if he's never even talked to you about it.

He's got a very bad jealousy problem, always has. I've known this from being around him for so long. I don't judge and you are who are, bad habits and all.

quote:

Originally posted by pony220:
I can only comment that when I was in canine search and rescue, our mantra was “Trust your dog.”..I never went wrong following that.

My dog and my family, that's about it at this stage. My daughter is out of the house so it's just me and the dog.

I trust 3 people mostly, I don't trust anyone fully anymore.

Been through something similar.

Buddy of mine for many years was breaking up with his fiancé. She said that one of his friends had cloned his iPhone and put a GPS tracking device on his Tundra and told her all about it.

Guess who he thought was the only one able to pull that off. Yeah, Somehow her word meant more than mine.

Your real friends are those that stick with you when you are at your best, and at your worst. If your friends don't behave that way, they were never really your friends.

Trust is a dangerous business, but worth it in the end. If you don't trust enough to be hurt now and then, you're doing life wrong.

Wimmins... Smart, Beautiful, Sane, you can only pick two...

H&K-Guy

It 'feels' like there must be something you are leaving out, either directly or indirectly.
A girlfriends going bat-shit-crazy, sure. But all your buddies at the same time?

quote:

Originally posted by joatmonv:
[...

He's got a very bad jealousy problem, always has. I've known this from being around him for so long. I don't judge and you are who are, bad habits and all.

I’m sorry to say that this is the root of the problem. If you know his character, don’t be surprised when that character expresses itself in the current situation.

Quite often this type of anger covers guilt. What is he guilty of? Yours to consider.

To answer your initial question - I only trust a few people. My best friend I've known for 23 years, my other friend I've known for 25+ years and my brothers. That's it.

It's unfortunate that you've lost your friends but perhaps that weren't as close as you thought or as Ronin said perhaps there's more to the story?

"Sorry boss. There's only two men I trust...one of 'em's me, the other's not you".

Cameron Poe - Con Air

In my own personal life, there are VERY few people I trust. And when I say "trust", I mean I'd trust them with my life. That list is VERY short. I'd ask your buddy to have a sit-down and attempt to iron out the issue. I would suggest approaching it in the manner of Stephen Covey..."Seek to understand first, then seek to be understood".