The nursing home dilemma. " I won't go!"

June 24, 2025, 07:43 PM

My mom had to go to an assisted living place. Then they said they couldn't take her anymore, so she had to go to a nursing home. I said fuck that. She's lived with me for 3 years now.

June 24, 2025, 08:55 PM

old rugged cross

quote:
Originally posted by SevenPlusOne:
My mom had to go to an assisted living place. Then they said they couldn't take her anymore, so she had to go to a nursing home. I said fuck that. She's lived with me for 3 years now.

Do you have a wife or is it just you and your mother? I ask because that can make a big difference. That can add an immense amount of stress to a household. That and the status of your mothers physical and mental condition.

June 24, 2025, 09:17 PM

Powers77

quote:
Originally posted by Timdogg6:
I do some estate planning work as a lawyer and this comes up all the time. I aske people the following questions to help them decide what to do.

Are you their Power of Attorney?

If so, that means that when they were capable of making a decision, they selected that person to have the guts to answer the hard questions when the time came.

Has the time come

So what is in their best interest for their safety.

Now what is your decision.

Very wise to get this in legal language before it's needed. We were in the process of finding a place for dad when his body gave out and made it a moot point. Fortunately mom recognized she/we couldn't keep him home safely and she was on board.
Circling back, it's easy to say you never want to be a burden and to send you away. Unfortunately the cognitive state often deteriorates and one refuses to recognize it's time for the move.

June 24, 2025, 10:30 PM

Rightwire

Is in home care an option to help reduce burden on your father?

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June 24, 2025, 10:45 PM

old rugged cross

quote:
Originally posted by Rightwire:
Is in home care an option to help reduce burden on your father?

We are doing that three days a week for approx 90 mins each day. Along with our family's help. It is to the point where that is not nearly enough. 24 hour in home care is not available and that is about what is required. Not for my father currently, but for my mother.

July 01, 2025, 09:02 AM

sig2392

My Aunt had dementia.

We kept her home with us until she went to hospice.

She opened the front door and wandered away once. We changed the lock to a double-sided keyed lock after that.

We checked out some nursing homes. they were not up to the standards I would put a relative in.

She was not a pleasant person, but she was family. She could be left alone for short periods.

She mostly spent her days sitting in the living room, not doing much.

July 01, 2025, 01:26 PM

bendable

My brother found an RN to care for my s.i.l.
( with Alzheimer's ) at home.

She quit the nursing home / memory care facility she was working at ,to help him five days per week.

At half the cost of the nursing home.

Janet is very happy as is my brother.