Oldie but a goodie.

A man received the following text from his
neighbor:

I am so sorry Bob. I've been riddled with
guilt and I have to confess. I have been
tapping your wife, day and night when you're
not around.

In fact, more than you. I'm not getting any
at home, but that's no excuse.

I can no longer live with the guilt and I hope
you will accept my sincerest apology with my
promise that it won't happen again.

The man, anguished and betrayed, went into
his bedroom, grabbed his gun, and without a
word, shot his wife and killed her.

A few moments later, a second text came in:
Damn auto correct. I meant "WiFi," not "wife."

LOL !!! Stolen !!! Thanks and God Bless

LOL...never heard that one.

Friday Funny

Recently, while I was working in the flower beds in the front yard, my neighbors stopped to chat as they returned home from walking their dog. During our friendly conversation, I asked their little girl what she wanted to be when she grew up.

She said she wanted to be President someday.

Both of her parents, Democratic Party members, were standing there so I asked her, “If you were President what would be the first thing you would do?”

She replied… “I’d give food and houses to all the homeless people.”

Her parents beamed with pride! “Wow…what a worthy goal!”

I said, ”But you don’t have to wait until you’re President to do that!”

“What do you mean?” she replied.

So I told her, “You can come over to my house and mow the lawn, pull weeds, and trim my hedge, and I’ll pay you $50. Then you can go over to the grocery store where the homeless guy hangs out, and you can give him the $50 to use toward food and a new house.”

She thought that over for a few seconds, then she looked me straight in the eye and asked, “Why doesn’t the homeless guy come over and do the work, and you can just pay him the $50?”

I said, “Welcome to the Republican Party.”


part two


***Donald Trump Has Lunch With the Pope and Mainstream Media Reports***

President Trump invited the Pope for lunch on his mega yacht; the Pope accepted and during lunch, a puff of wind blew the Pontiff’s hat off, right into the water.

It floated off about 50 feet, then the wind died down and it just floated in place.

The crew and the secret service were scrambling to launch a boat to go get it, when Trump waved them off, saying “Never mind, boys, I’ll get it.”

The Donald climbed over the side of the yacht, walked on the water to the hat, picked it up, walked back on the water, climbed into the yacht, and handed the Pope his hat.

The crew was speechless. The security team and the Pope’s entourage were speechless.

No one knew what to say, not even the Pope.

But that afternoon, NBC, CBS, ABC, MSNBC, CBC, CTV and CNN reported:

“TRUMP CAN’T SWIM!”