May have been on here before but offered again...

A priest, a doctor, and an engineer have a long-standing weekly golf date that they all thoroughly look forward to and enjoy.
However, on this day, they find themselves behind an extremely slow foursome that takes forever on every shot. In fact, each player has a "coach" with him that oversees each shot they take. The hours drag on...
The course marshal stops by on his cart and asks the threesome how it's going and they all bitterly and loudly complain about the slow pace and how miserable their round has become.
The marshal says "Oh, I thought you knew - the foursome ahead are all blind golfers and the
"coaches" are helping the players line up each shot. They don't get out too often but it's something they really, really enjoy!"
The priest immediately says: "I am terribly embarrassed by my inconsiderate thoughts and un-Christian-like behavior. I must confess to the Bishop and pray for forgiveness!"
The doctor says: "I too am embarrassed. I have several friends that are doctors that specialize in treating eye injuries or sight problems. I will contact them to see if they can offer any medical assistance that might help these poor folks in any way."
And the engineer says "So why can't they play at night?"

LOL!

Two detectives we're investigating a murder at the golf course. First detective :."Deceased name is Juan Rodriguez. Wonder what weapon was used?". Second detective"It was a golf gun. It made a hole in Juan"

Reminds me of the old joke about Tiger Woods and Stevie Wonder meeting for a beer and Stevie bets Tiger that he could beat him in a round of golf. Tiger laughs and says he's on. Stevie says okay, I'm really busy these days so you pick the course and I'll pick the time. Tiger agrees and picks Riviera. Stevie says okay, we'll do it tomorrow at midnight.

Jim

This message has been edited. Last edited by: Jimbo54,

quote:

Originally posted by ulsterman:
Two detectives we're investigating a murder at the golf course. First detective :."Deceased name is Juan Rodriguez. Wonder what weapon was used?". Second detective"It was a golf gun. It made a hole in Juan"

So who called it in to 9 Juan Juan?

The difference between a golfer and a skydiver?


A golfer goes whack, fuck!

quote:

Originally posted by Fdan:
...
And the engineer says "So why can't they play at night?"

Because the coaches can't see at night?

A police officer receives a domestic violence call from dispatch - a man is reportedly beating his wife in their front yard. As the officer pulls up to the house, he sees a woman lying on the lawn, obviously deceased - the man is standing there, bloody, with a golf club in hand.
He appeared calm, almost catatonic.

The officer walks up to the man, looks at the woman, and asks, "Did you do that?"

The man replied, "Yes, I hit her."

"With that?" the officer asked, motioning to the golf club.

"Yes." says the man.

"How many times did you hit her?" the officer asked.


The man replied, "Five. Maybe six. Put me down for a four."
- - - - - - -

quote:

Originally posted by KMitch200:
A police officer receives a domestic violence call from dispatch - a man is reportedly beating his wife in their front yard. As the officer pulls up to the house, he sees a woman lying on the lawn, obviously deceased - the man is standing there, bloody, with a golf club in hand.
He appeared calm, almost catatonic.



The officer walks up to the man, looks at the woman, and asks, "Did you do that?"

The man replied, "Yes, I hit her."

"With that?" the officer asked, motioning to the golf club.

"Yes." says the man.

"How many times did you hit her?" the officer asked.


The man replied, "Five. Maybe six. Put me down for a four."
- - - - - - -

Excellent.

A man was playing golf with his wife. He hit a huge banana ball off the tee and the ball landed behind the equipment shed. He could only hit it out sideways. Then his wife noticed there were garage doors on each end of the shed, and she suggested opening them and he could advance the ball through the cart barn.

Sure enough, it was possible. They opened the doors, he lined up the shot but hit it a little too high. It went into the barn, hit the door frame on the far side and ricocheted back. It hit his wife right in the head and killed her stone dead.

He didn't play golf for some time. But a few months later he started playing again. He was with a buddy who put a drive on the same hole right behind the same shed. When the got there his buddy noticed the doors and said; "You know, I bet I could open both doors and . . . "

The guy stood there sadly for a few seconds. Then he said; "No. I tried that the last time I played here. I took an eight."

A man got on a plane with both of his front trouser pockets full of golf balls and sat down next to a beautiful (yes, you guessed it) blonde.

The puzzled blonde kept looking at him and his bulging pockets.

Finally, after many glances from her, he said, "It's golf balls."

The blonde continued to look at him for a very long time, thinking deeply about what he had said.

After several minutes, not being able to contain her curiosity any longer, she asked,

"Does it hurt as much as tennis elbow?"