My mother is 75, she has had a downward spiral with her Parkinson's and Dementia for the last 4 or 5 years after taking care of my dad who died of Pancreatic Cancer at 71. She has been in a nearby nursing home ever since dad passed as she badly needed a hip replacement she had deferred. She's been on Hospice for about 6 months and last weekend Hospice let my brother and I know of her "additional transitioning on her journey" or whatever euphemism they use. I can verify she has not eaten or drank since Monday due to her inability to due so. She's cognitively not there, completely unresponsive. Each day my brother and I have visited her this week we are certain that "tonight is the night." But it never is. She has been completely emaciated from her lack of eating, she looks like something out of a WWII concentration camp. When my brother and I visit we tell her she can go, Dad is waiting. No idea if she hears us, they say hearing is the last to go. She's getting the morphine and the Ativan and all that from Hospice every 1 or 2 hours. Last night her breathing was once every 5 or so seconds and then 30 or more seconds would pass and then back to every 5 or 10 seconds. Eyes fixed and unresponsive. They say people can't live for more than 3 days without water, and I get bedridden zero exertion is a different story, but the human body is crazy durable.

The nursing home bill is almost completely covered by long term care insurance, so finances are not a concern. My dad died relatively quickly after a short (less than 30 days) nursing home stay after a 4 1/2yr battle with Pancreatic Cancer. Nothing is physically attacking my mom, she has no cancer, no Covid, no Flu, no infection that we can determine, this is the natural body shutdown from lack of being able to eat or drink pursuant to her desires for no life sustaining procedures (feeding tube, etc.). My brother and I have agreed that we aren't doing the nursing home route. His wife recently checked her mom into one for dementia and has come to the same conclusion.

I'm 42, in the last 20 years I've been to funerals for my father in law, grand father in law, great grandmother in law, father, grandfather, two grandmothers, an aunt, an uncle, and a hunting buddy. I'm not new to this, the process of death, the grieving, the funeral planning, etc. All of them were "expected", some may have not been "quick" because I wasn't as closely connected to the process as I am this time. For example: my dad fought his battle 6 hours away from us.

I will add this, I never talked about it on here, but I did experience one "sudden and unexpected" but "too young and no physiological decline" death last year. My highschool girlfriend and her family were murdered at a state park. We had long since gone our separate ways, but that one hurt strong and fast and brought up lots of memories from 25 years ago.

I'd rather take my grief quick and strong and over with than this days, weeks, and months of small doses of it. However, life is messy.

Sorry you're going through this. Thoughts and prayers to you and your family.

One grandmother and one aunt were in hospice much longer than anyone anticipated. My aunt had a rare, genetic disease that's unlikely the small town hospice had seen combined with cancer so they were several weeks premature on their death is imminent conversation with family. My paternal grandmother was a farm girl, a WWII factory worker, a single Mom all of WWII, etc. and was likely just much tougher and more stubborn than hospice anticipated.

I'm so sorry for this. It is never easy to lose a parent or someone close to you.

Very sorry for you and your brother and families. And I would say she can hear you. Tell her everything you wish her to hear. Godspeed to your mother.

Prayers for all. The longer we live, the more we experience this. Never pleasant, but always present. I have a good friend who is suffering from dementia. It hurts every time I see or visit with him. He was such a sharp, intelligent fellow. Life's too short.

Sorry to hear sir. Life is messy, absolutely right.

I'm so sorry to hear this. As a point of perspective, my dad remained in a similar state for 9 days before he went to our lord. It's a brutal thing to go through but stay strong and many of us are praying for you and your family. She is blessed you guys have been able to visit her in this time.

My condolences. I went through this with my fiancé a year ago June but she went from the ICU to the end of her life in hospice in 8 days.

I know what you’re going through. I still think of Tracy every day and I’m sure you will think of your mom every day. Remember the good stuff.

My dad passed two years ago. My mom has dementia at 87, and just broke 3 ribs in a fall.

I completely understand. You have my sympathy, find strength in friends and family. Reward yourself in small ways when you can.

It's obvious you love your mom, and want the best for her, which now, means the end.

God bless you, your mother, and your family.

You are in my prayers.

My condolences.

I was with my mother in her last days on her deathbed, suffering from cancer. Easily the most difficult part of my entire life. Had my first and only nervous breakdown. Prayers sent to your mother and you.

Scuba Steve Sig,
Such vigils are tough to handle. You and your family have my prayers and condolences.

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. Not an easy thing to go through.

Having just gone through loosing my Mother, I am sorry for what you are going through.

You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers at this challenging time.

Both of my parents are long gone. To a certain extent people decide when they are ready to go.

My heart goes out to you. I’m starting to help my folks with their arrangements (properties, trusts, care, etc), although they are both doing ok right now.
I have certainly acquainted myself with death through family members and friends, both shocking and expected, and I never find it easy, but it’s never been too protracted. I’m so sorry. I didn’t know hearing was the last thing to go. For some reason I thought smell..had all these ideas of cooking up a favorite thing and bringing it to them to help happy safe memories surface.. perhaps I’ll add music to the list. God bless you and your brother for being with her at her last.

Walked that path last October and November. I think the last meal Mom had was when when I fed her in the hospital. Four days later, she passed with several of us at her bedside. Grace to you and your family in this time.

My deepest condolences.

So sorry…as you said, it’s believed that hearing is the final sense…so keep talking to her. For me, I found that comforting when I was losing my own mom.

My condolences Steve. Dealing with watching my dad do the Parkinsons decline since about 2004. It sucks.
I do some part time work in retirement that takes me into long term care facilities for insurance inspections. It reaffirms my thoughts that I NEVER want to end up there.
On the MIL front, she's soon to be 105. No medical issues to speak of other than recuring UTI's. Mind is still as sharp as ever. BUT, the body is just slowly giving out. Again, watching the decline is just tough.

Condolences for what your Mom is going through and prayers for strength to help you deal with it.

My Dad went through the stages of dementia and left the world slowly---first cognitively, then physically. It is a tough road for everyone involved.