An acquaintance is getting married. Friend of a friend kinda situation. I have met both parties several times, shared a couple meals, etc. Not a close friend, but I still feel the event deserves some type of gift/card/something.
So, what is the accepted gift for such a situation. Leaning towards cash in a card, but I don't wanna be an ass.
Cash is always king no matter who the gift is for, close friend or relatives. Unless you know of a gift that they really want or need then it would be appropriate to purchase a gift. The problem with buying a gift without knowing their needs is you don't know if they need that gift, suppose you buy them a microwave oven but they already own a microwave oven then the gift may be appreciated but useless. Everyone can put cash to use and then buy what they want or put the money towards some other expense.
Posts: 1769 | Location: USA | Registered: December 11, 2005
A) A wedding gift is ALWAYS appropriate. It would be rude to attend a wedding without a gift, period. Doesn't matter if you aren't close: if you attend, you send a gift. In fact, etiquette dictates that if it is someone close, you send a gift upon invite, even if you don't attend.
B) Cash in a card is acceptable. Weddings are often expensive affairs, and a cash gift is appreciated.
C) If you feel weird about cash, then search for their registry at major retailers in their area (Target, Amazon, Bed Bath and Beyond, and department stores like Macy's are popular). If you don't know them, don't stray from their registry.
Posts: 13067 | Location: Orange County, California | Registered: May 19, 2002
One thing about registries, is that some guests may not know how a registry works. They look at something that's on it, go to the store and buy it, without marking it as purchased to take it off the list. That's how some people end up with 3 coffee makers, etc.
I'm also going to a wedding next week and I'm bringing cash.
Posts: 7459 | Location: CA | Registered: April 08, 2004
I’d much rather have cash than some random toaster I didn’t want.
I have a huge family and everyone basically gave us $50-$100 cash/check as wedding gifts and it pretty much paid for our entire honeymoon to Ireland in 2012.
Posts: 35060 | Location: Pennsylvania | Registered: November 12, 2007
A gift versus cash depends on the region of the county and the age of the bride and groom. Cash is ok and even expected in many areas in the North while a gift is the only socially accepted option in the South. That said, the younger generations are more flexible on the cash vs. gift question. I suggest you check their wedding registry and see what they want.
Posts: 1006 | Location: Nashville | Registered: October 01, 2009
A) A wedding gift is ALWAYS appropriate. It would be rude to attend a wedding without a gift, period. Doesn't matter if you aren't close: if you attend, you send a gift. In fact, etiquette dictates that if it is someone close, you send a gift upon invite, even if you don't attend.
B) Cash in a card is acceptable. Weddings are often expensive affairs, and a cash gift is appreciated.
C) If you feel weird about cash, then search for their registry at major retailers in their area (Target, Amazon, Bed Bath and Beyond, and department stores like Macy's are popular). If you don't know them, don't stray from their registry.
If I do not attend, even if I’ve been invited, it’s possible I may not send a gift. It depends on how close they are to me (I don’t mean family, I mean “Are we friends?” “Do I know the slightest thing about you?” I have people who aren’t family I’ve sent gifts where I did not attend, or was even invited; and distant family that I’m pretty sure had no intention of me actually showing (several states away) that I did not send gifts to (I don’t know their middle name, birthdate, what they do for a living, or ANYTHING about them, and they’ve made zero effort to keep up with me, either). However, if you have been invited, and you do attend, without question, give a gift/cash, etc. If you choose cash, then there’s the whole “how much to give” predicament. If you don’t attend, however, I do not believe you’re obligated..in my very humble opinion, follow your heart.
Were you formally invited by invitation, or will you be attending as someone's +1/guest?
If you were specifically invited, then yes, you should provide a gift. I learned a rule of thumb that as a guest, you should give something at least comparable to what it cost to cover your catering & drinks. For the weddings I've attended, this is usually around $50-100/person.
If you were invited and bring a +1, then your gift should be enough to cover both of you. You shouldn't ask your guest to pitch in. If I were attending as someone's date, I would be appalled if my date asked me to throw in some cash.
It's also proper etiquette for the hosts/wedding couple to expect some exceptions. E.g., if you know someone is in a poor financial situation, or spent a lot of money to travel to your wedding, then the compassionate attitude is to accept their presence as their present.
Posts: 3323 | Location: Texas | Registered: June 17, 2003
A card of congratulations and well wishes is perfectly acceptable if you're not invited to the ceremony or, reception. My work colleague over the last 5+ years recently got married, I wasn't invited to the wedding or, any events but, she'd share with me how things were going leading up to her big day and we enjoy working with each other. The day before she took time off, I gifted to her a nice bottle of champagne.
Posts: 15156 | Location: Wine Country | Registered: September 20, 2000
As a bachelor, I had a standardized wedding gift. A specific lead crystal vase. Not terribly expensive, the 'Vincennes' model served me well for about twenty years.
I returned, and saw under the sun, that the race is not to the swift, nor the battle to the strong, neither yet bread to the wise, nor yet riches to men of understanding, nor yet favour to men of skill; but time and chance happeneth to them all. -Ecclesiastes 9:11
...But the king shall rejoice in God; every one that sweareth by Him shall glory, but the mouth of them that speak lies shall be stopped. - Psalm 63:11 [excerpted]
Posts: 7474 | Location: Dallas | Registered: August 04, 2011